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Husband Asks To Stay With Inlaws

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by orangepaint, Mar 13, 2020.

  1. orangepaint

    orangepaint New IL'ite

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    I have a weird problem. my husband asks me relocate to his parents place as he is unable to take of his parents due to transferrable jobs. I explained to my in laws about the situation and asked them to move with us. they are very stubborn and not ready to move. My husband transferred to another city and keeping me in the previous city till my child school year gets over. now we took the TC from the school and still he is not showing any interest to take me and kid with him and giving reasons that city is not good , no houses available to shift etc. So I am very tensed and don't do which direction my life goes in another 3 months. my in laws are not very cooperative and morning till night make to stand in the kitchen and treat me like a cook. They are very lazy and money minded. they don't spent a penny. For example we have to adjust with one milk packet full day. No consideration even when I was sick with full fever when I visited them last summer.
    My husband is good with heart . he tries to please his parents. he did not ask his parents to move with him not even once. I don't know what is going on his head. He comes during week to visit . he moved an year back keeping us alone . he is not very expressive with Financial matters or with his thoughts . we had arguments earlier on the topic of his parents move. he expects me to do be a good daughter in law. he says we can be mentally connected. I don't work also . i don't have financial freedom . full day I will be occupied at my in laws place once I move . they don't even share their TV with my son. I am getting depressed what to do and where to go. please suggest.
     
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  2. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    Tell him that you cannot manage kid and in-laws alone as it’s very stressful.
    Ask him to hire a maid and cook if there is no other go.
     
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    How old are your in-laws? Do they have any actual health problems or do they just expect seva from you?
    If your husband is so concerned about his parents then he should have remained in the same city. Instead he takes off and leaves you holding the bag.
    If you have already taken TC from the school then you will have to shift to the new place, right? Inform your husband you will be coming to his place by X date. Hire a maid and cook for the in-laws and start packing.
     
  4. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

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    Since you have TC ,start looking for schools in the other city.Also visit or stay with your H during weekends or holidays.
    Tell him you are going to hire maid for chores ,in case you are going to look for job.Give information ,don't ask for permission since you are the one who is managing everything at house.
    You need to be smart and diplomatic with your husband and ILs.How do ilz manage when you visit your parents ?
    If nothing works out ask your H to move back and share the responsibilities .Again tell him and not plead him
     
    Thyagarajan and shravs3 like this.
  5. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    As summer holidays coming go and live with husband and join kid there in school.
    He has any plans to get transfer to his parents city?
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    This ! Makes me wonder if he married you to fulfill his parents wishes . Makes me also wonder why he refuses to take you with him. Any other reason ?
     
  7. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    He can't leave them alone, but u, cant convince parents to join with, but can pester you..

    What if you say I will go mom's place, if he can't take you..

    A(good daughter inlaw??) Good husband wouldn't leave his partner somewhere.

    Weekend visits?? Cook to in laws? No financial freedom? Are you part of their family? Did you understand where you stood in their minds??

    Are you married to this man of his family?? He is good enough to his parents, not even reasonable enough to you.. wake up!!
     
  8. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Really?
    Seems like you have very low expectations of him/marriage.... while he and his family think of you as a special servant
     
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  9. senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

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    You have be firm and move with your husband and also ask your inlaws to move there.
    Your Dh is trying to take the easy way out here. Its his parents first, so he needs to proactively carry the burden of caring for them and you can only assist it. Putting the whole burden on you and escaping is not good.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  10. dharmastick

    dharmastick New IL'ite

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    I agree, go to your husband this summer and start looking for a school for your kid. You are not responsible for his parents, you are the wife,you are not a maid or a parentsitter
     
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