Husband Asks To Let It Go

Deepasm · Jan 18, 2017

Hello ladies,
Few days ago I posted a thread saying my sil is asking for money which has happened third time in two months. Lots of ladies suggested me for the talk with sil. My husband's solution was the same. He also told me he will call her and ask her what is really going on. Before dh had sent money within minutes after she had asked him with no questions but this time only after some hours he called her to find out what is going on and she did not answer the call and neither called back until two days. So my husband send her the money without talking with her. I became upset since I didnt want him to send the money with no questions asked. The thing is my husband had paid for her tuition in expensive college, living expenses and every other kind of spending before when she was living with us here in United States. She used to spend lots of money on shopping and didn't listen to dh whenever he told her he was tight on cash. It took us one full year to pay all that debt. During festivals too dh has gifted her very nicely according to the suggestion of mil. In laws came to visit and when it was time for them to visit sil home, she asked dh to book the tickets. Basically we have been giving only and struggling to make savings. Whenever I feel bad about this things my husband asks me to let it go and move on. I can understand after getting married this kind of issues happens and we need to make compromises but I feel that we will be spending on our sil all our life. Is the reason that sil was born few years later to dh makes him responsible to take care of her all the time even when we are less economically stable than them? I don't want to make this kinda issues affect our relationship since everything between us is good except some family issues.

ivlakshmi · Jan 18, 2017

If the expenses are going beyond the limit then you need to ask your husband to be mindful of spending and if u are working i would suggest you not to pay for his debts.
Apart from this being a brother he has every right to spend on his sister either elder or younger.

yellowmango · Jan 18, 2017

Op...your sil is a shameless sponge.
A working married sister has no reason to ask brother for money except for extreme emergencies.
Your mil is the kind of mother who creates problems between her own children by this unfair treatment .
Ask your husband to start investing the money.Start with something like property and retirement funds.You also stop living miserly .By you ,I mean you and your husband.
Ask you husband for the same stuff his mom asks him to buy for his sister.A wife has rights too. Once he has to spend double for festivals.....he will reduce the generosity.

chocolate · Jan 18, 2017

OP, You and your husband are enabling a blank check. Your SIL has got the hang of asking and getting so nothing will change it. Once she is working or married you are looking at taking on more and more. Your in laws shud be ashamed of themselves. But then when are in laws.You need to be smart and tie up hubby's money. Now is a good time to invest in buying a house in US. Do it. It will tie up money monthly and in savings. Once your SIL sees she is not getting her way she will move to greener pastures like your in laws. If you already have a house, buy a house on investment. That will tie up money considerably. Either way you need to take drastic measures to this bottomless mooching.Good Luck.

MalStrom · Jan 18, 2017

You need to nip this before it goes on any longer. Once the SIL is married and has kids you will end up paying for all of them too. Tie up any spare cash in mortage and investments. If you are working keep your income separate. There was a poster in a similar situation as yours, I don't recollect her name though.