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Husband Asking To Go Back To Work. How To Handle This ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Oct 16, 2017.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, joining back work or not joining back work should be a joint decision made by both parties involved as any change in financial status will impact both the parties directly and equally. Was this not discussed when you were having a baby? I mean, i know in US you guys get 3 months vacation and thats about it. When you intended to extend that, was he not a part of decision making process? Did he agree then and now he is taunting you? I am trying to understand the whole picture before I crucify him.

    In my case, we need the second income. we will go into debt if we dont. In that case, i cannot expect expect him "to be man enough" and earn his way through the mortgage and bills and the baby and some how still save a penny here and there is not going to work. It is simply unfair a burden for one person to shoulder. No, you cannot take this much time-off for the baby if it is not something you can afford. Paying for the baby alone is not enough (in my opinion). Who is paying for the mortgage, car, insurance etc etc? Is this something you can do with one income?

    Regardless of this, taunting you in public is unacceptable.
     
    SunPa, sindmani, tulip07 and 3 others like this.
  2. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    +1 Raakhis reply...

    Did you discuss with your husband before taking this long vacation? why dont you have discussion with him?
    Even we need two income in our house considering all the expenses we have.. And having baby in US is not easy.. So much of expense even after insurance.. who paid all medical bills?

    Its your family.. both husband and wife should contribute in Income and house work.. May be he is too burdened..
    Pls sit and talk to him in a calm way and understand his side..

    Start atleast something parttime...
     
    EagerForInfo and sindmani like this.
  3. venkiis

    venkiis Silver IL'ite

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    wow .. where are these guys produced and over that they get lucky to have such a tolerant wife. calculating money for feeding his own child. funny why some never realize that fighting with your wife or husband , there is no winner . one is bound to loose even if he or she wins.

    i never ever mentioned to my wife that she does not work in insulting manner, however i did scold her about not caring about house finances. my wife will spend as if there is no tomorrow. instead of understanding the message she fought and it became worse, anyway that is a different story.

    does you hubby think about the implications of you working. did you ever talk

    1. like where the kid will stay. drop and pickup in time
    2. cost of day care and quality
    3. what will happen if kid is sick. is dh ready to take care
    4. house work . once both work, both have to help. cannot cook and clean alone daily.
     
    EagerForInfo and ZenSojourner like this.
  4. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    This is not correct actually it hurts like anything.first ask him y he is doing like this and make him understand how it’s hurts u...

    explain how a dad should b ask him to pay the child bills.

    Other than fighting try to explain and fix the prob
     
  5. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    He has a bad attitude..other than fighting y can’t u talk with him and fix up the issue...no use of thinking about ur in laws if u4 husband is correct the prob is over.

    Other than thinking about divorce and all try to speak in a soft manner and ensure ur self respect is more important.
     
  6. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    There are a few problems - the biggest is that you can't change the people who are intimately tied to your life. What you can do is focus on what you can change. When your child is older, you can work and keep your money to yourself. You are never going to be in an ideal situation and your husband and his parents are never going to magically see the light and do what you want. All you can do is have your own finances that you can control. I am assuming divorce is not an option For you, so without that then you can only focus on what you can chxange about yourself
     
  7. venlax

    venlax Silver IL'ite

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    If u can go for work. No harm in it.It gives u self confidence,financial security etc. But be careful in saving the hard earned money that too when u are sacrificing ur principle of not going for job till the kids grow. Don't give money for luxuries ,spend for necessaries & save .U are having two kids.See that ur in laws do not burden ur DH with huge debts.Even buying too many houses in India in the current trend is not advisable.We are not doing real estate business.Try to be smart. Don't think of divorce as ur DH seems to be good only except for his interest in luxuries.Take efforts to convince him in softer ways. Your in laws will change one day. Money is not everything & too much assets & luxuries will land us in trouble only.This realization will come at some time.May God bless u & ur family !
    " The woods are lovely,dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before I sleep"
     
    sindmani likes this.
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    What do you mean by "they are backward people in looks"? Physical appearance?

    Going by the way you have phrased it, looks like your decision to not work while kids are small is written in stone. Agreed you made it clear before getting married. But things change. Such decisions need to be examined on an ongoing basis and ideally the man and woman do what is best for the family.

    Two kids, in a marriage that is not very stable currently, you are sticking to your "will not work while kids are small" decision. Isn't that nonsense of one kind in itself?

    Start to earn money again. Then, work on improving the relationship, and making peace with what cannot be changed.
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....if your husband is spending a chunk of your ' family ' income to provide for his birth family's 'wants ' ,then you are better off giving your time to your children .

    Why should your children be denied a parents love and care for providing to the wants of grandparents or aunts and uncles?A child having the care of a parent is more important than grand parents adding another room to their house and buying another plot.

    If your paycheck was going towards providing a better future for you and your kids,then it would be well worth the sacrifice.Otherwise not.
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2017
  10. tulip07

    tulip07 Bronze IL'ite

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    In my opinion, 15 months is a long enough duration to take time-off from work. A family with two kids and one income, I can only imagine a man's burden and stress! Here is the Netherlands, people send their kids to day care when they are 4 months (after maternity). I have already seen many of my friends do that. Contributing to the family financially and sharing the burden with your husband is very important.

    Your phrase "When I got married itself I told the alliance that I am not interested in working with small kids. Now I do have small kids baby is 15 months old. I don't plan on working till baby goes to school which is barely 2 more years" , sounds very stressful to me for your poor husband :coldsweat:. I cannot even imagine my DH in this situation struggling to meet ends alone! :mask:

    You should really get a job, and start sharing all responsibilities with your husband, of course while also building your own personal savings.
     
    sbonigala likes this.

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