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Husband Asking To Go Back To Work. How To Handle This ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Oct 16, 2017.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Hello

    My in laws are basically uneducated. And poor. They are greedy people so have lakhs in loans. Keep spending on tours , pizzas ,restaurant as though they are well off people but in reality they are very poor and backward people in looks education and all respects. So is my husbands brother and sister. On the other hand I'm educated and come from a good family background.

    When I got married itself I told the alliance that I am not interested in working with small kids. Now I do have small kids baby is 15 months old. I don't plan on working till baby goes to school which is barely 2 more years

    Problem is my husband keeps on taunting me that I'm idle at home and nonstop torture. He asks me to pay for food. I did work while pregnant.

    In laws have bought houses cars in just the few years we've been married. It seems like they keep taunting me to work so they can get rich off my money. So they can buy houses cars etc. we've. We been Married for 7 years. Hubby has never bought me anything valuable. Phone , shoes ; coats ,handbags, watches ,NOTHING. however when we're about to have guests or go to see relatives he buys me good dresses

    I live in the US. I don't know what to conclude with all this and how I need to solve this issue. Please help.

    I have two kids I'm trying to avoid divorce but am not in the position to tolerate this nonsense anymore.

    I can work again and pay for my food and boarding as he keeps complaining I am sitting and eating on him but I'm just worried his parents will buy another house and that will fall on me.

    Just confused. How do I handle this. ???
     
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  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    When u work, ur reputation will go up with all the needs getting satisfied. There is nothing wrong in working for ur wellness. But at the same time, u have to keep all ur financial expenses in ur control and be independent without surrendering ur financial hold to ur husband .you have to earn high respect from ur in-laws. This is the way u have to keep them in control. If u r in USA u can seek a day care for ur kid and u can manage the expenses by urself. I know they are expensive but u can manage the problem I believe.
     
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  3. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    This is boon in disguise. Agree that your dh is greedy , But the good thing is , you can work, and have financial independence. read through the stories of may ladies suffering here, sice thye do ot have financila independence. So if possible go to work. Tell him that he will have to help you in getting household things done.
    And more inportantly, Set the expectation that you are now not going to spend the entire money on your inlaws. If thet are buying houses let them do it, as long as the property is in ur name, It dosent matter.
     
  4. akrutisyd

    akrutisyd Senior IL'ite

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    Working abroad and paying for in-laws luxuries is rediculous. Unless you guys want to return and settle in India, there is no point in investing on properties in India. Make yourself comfortable with the little one; couple of months more or right now. Then you can start working. Being independent is your asset, freedom and right. But make sure you control your earnings. When you don't want to give your money for buying a property which you are not interested in, you don't have to. Take your husband's help in household and let him know his share in maintaining a home. Plan for a good investment and let them know you are saving everybit of your salary towards that, agree with husband on financial terms. Good luck.
     
  5. akrutisyd

    akrutisyd Senior IL'ite

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    Hey just replied on your other post. Came to know that you are in US through other post. There are many husbands overseas who disgrace their wifes and torture for their salaries. Taking off for maternity is not a bad thing, make sure you feel comfortable with baby and you can get back to work. 15 months is really good time, hope you can start working now. Long break from work actually keeps you away from market and might take more time in securing a new role. Keep your self motivated, which is the most important thing when you stay back at home. Once you start working, your self confidence will grow automatically and you don't concentrate on your husband's words. You are working for yourself and not for any one, utilize and enjoy your independence. Yes you can work part time or couple of days a week, its all upto you. Its your decision and you don't have to think about what others think. Stay motivated.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...next time he says this in front of people,you tell them, "I will have to start working soon ,after all, what choice do I have?
    My child has a father who can't even afford to pay for basic expenses like like food and diapers".

    If he ever wants another child ,ask him to give in writing on stamped paper what his contribution will be in the child's life.
    Is he going to carry the child for nine ,months ,share the labor pain,shoot the baby out from his privates or will he opt for taking care of the finances involved in bringing up the child.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op.....sit down and discuss the issue with him .
    Tell him you will go out to work and he will contribute towards household work and child care.
    Tell him to contribute financially towards house and child equally,make him promise to do equal housework and childcare. Tell him you will save the remaining of your money for yourself.

    If he can't pay for the child ,tell him since his contribution to child making and child rearing is only a few minutes of fun between the sheets,the child will carry your name .


     
  8. PowerLord

    PowerLord New IL'ite

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    Eagerforinfo,

    First off, I smell disrespect in his attitude. The baby is not just yours, he is equally responsible, more in fact, as he is the father. A spark neglected burns the house. You need to talk to him about this and tell him how much you worked and even when not working you are meeting all the baby expenses. If he cannot be man enough and contribute anything for the baby, then he should at the very least be very appreciative and respectful. So taunting you in public or in person totally unacceptable and channelise his mind on doing something productive for his family. This is what you expect from him. Have this talk in a very polite but assertive manner.

    May you find happiness and peace.
     
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  9. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Op,
    1. Don't do any household work, let the house be a mess (which includes food, cleaning, laundry, kids food, tiffin etc)
    2. Husband is bound to bear all your and kids daily expenses (specially when u r not working because of kids), in case if he is not interested approach his office, family, friends, relatives and local police.
    3. U should shell out part of ur salary for family expenses and rest u should keep for urself.
    Apart from above I have a few querry:
    • I am unable to understand if u r working why u want ur husband to buy gifts for u?
    • US rules are far more strict and convenient.
    • Why ur in laws want ur money? have u earlier given them any money?


     
  10. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    He is either a jerk or has no spine to tell you directly. He is trying to make you start working by belittling you in public.
     
    SGBV likes this.

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