Husband Asking Me To Give Mutual Divorce

madras2018 · Aug 16, 2016

Dear @Lakshmipav All your posts are highly emotional. You haven't responded to any particular post or queries as yet. I understand how distraught you are. But please take a moment to consider the various points of view that the kind women on this thread have shared. Some have gone through or are going through a divorce like you. Others are going through their own marriage struggles. Many have kids like you. So I can safely say that most of the responses are written with perspective and are not reckless advice. Divorce is not easy with or without kids. But it doesn't have to be in the third degree. Calm down, read the posts and take the suggestion of just empowering yourself with knowing your rights and finding answers to basic questions.

You do not have to divorce him. But it may be legally possible for him to divorce you. Hence what matters most at this hour is to be fully prepared. Whether you stay, leave or be left, at the very least give the good advice you received some thought and feel free to post additional queries.

blindpup10 · Aug 16, 2016

@Lakshmipav- all the reasons that you are giving family/ caste and your girl will not get married are just to convince yourself why you cant take a stand and lead a life alone! You are hiding behind these cause instead of standing up and accepting the reality.. the reality is that your DH is an extremely toxic character. He looks like he will hound you until you or he is alive.

Why would anyone want to live with such pain? Why will you want to make your 2 daughters to live through that? Because they will have to get married to someone like him and go through the same cycle of marriage you went through? See the bigger picture (not their marriage)

You being an independent single mother- teaching both your girls how one can survive and not take abuse from any man( not even their father)! Woman are capable of earning/ living without father/ husbands.

Don't you think these are valuable life lessons that your girls need to learn rather than which guy they will get married in next 20 years ? or society/ sibling will not respect you?

You have mentioned that your brothers and SIL's dont talk to you and your parents are not in good health- why are you doing these sacrifices then...For your parents/ siblings sake? Who don't talk to you? Why cant you ignore them and just do what is the best for your life and your children's life?
or
do you actually think that by accepting everything your DH is putting you through is what you have to go through? Coz your girls will have a better future/ you will not be divorced?

Whatever it is- WAKE UP!!

Your DH is already asking for a divorce- and what if actually acts on it? DOnt you feel that you need to have some information ready on hand IF he files for a divorce?

Like I have said before you DH is just pushing you around and treating you like a door mat! I see you are from Bangalore- so I am going to assume you know this saying- "A dog will keep chasing you until you stand still and yell at it." That's all you need to do. Talk to a lawyer first and then tell your DH that he will get a divorce! Although you dont want to divorce.. neither does your DH. He is just pushing you around and scaring you.

Only you can stand up for yourself- we can guide you/ support you/ suggest to you. But by the end of the day you should take courage to stand up for yourself.I really hope you do so. Even if he screams/ yells/ shouts/ curses/ don't lose your confidence.

Please contact a lawyer and know your rights! It's just information... You can collect information. Think about acting on the information much later.

Laks09 · Aug 16, 2016

Lakshmi - It isn't about what you want anymore. It's about what you need to do. You don't want a divorce but in this country it is possible to legally divorce a spouse even if he/she doesn't want it. So what you need is sound legal advice. Even if you don't want a divorce, you need the lawyer to understand your options. Haven't you heard of moms left high and dry to fend for themselves and kids because they didn't know their legal rights? Do you want to be that lady?

Society - Ok. I agree. Society doesn't treat divorcees with the respect they deserve. They are looked at with contempt. They are seen as a threat. So many things to deal with as a divorcee. Btw, is society supporting you now? You are being abused emotionally, exactly what is this society of yours doing? Why do you care about the society so much when the society is not taking this abuse day in and day out. You are. When the emotional toll of it is going to be paid by your daughters, not the society. Your husband will start taking it out on the children as they grow older. Why do you want to put your own flesh and blood through this trauma for the sake of society?

You are an independent working woman. If you don't stand up for your daughters nobody will. Make sure you know your rights.

kcb · Aug 17, 2016

@Lakshmipav

Which community you are worried about? and where is that community when you are going through hell in your life. Is the community and that so called society and relatives helping you anyway in this struggle? NO right....so why to bother about the society and people, you know you are not doing anything wrong.

As for kids future and marriage, you are in US, no body bothers about your divorce status or bothers about your kids status as children of a divorcee.

Let your children choose their own partners whom they are comfortable with. You got married to a person who belongs to your community/caste/religion. But what kind of an experience he had given you. So its clearly proven that caste/community/religion is not a deciding factor for a happy married life. What matters is a good husband and a good human being. So don't think too much about your kids marriage and all, everything will be taken care when time comes.

If you continue in this marriage, in a way you are teaching your kids to bear the abuse by husband, which is not at all good for them. You have to train them to be bold and lead their life with self respect and confidence, but not to live as someone's slave.

JGVR · Aug 17, 2016

@Lakshmipav,

So you are thinking that if you get divorced and go to India,then neither you nor your kids will be treated well.Why do you even think about going to India when you do not have the support of your brothers or other family members?Stay in Us and raise your kids.Kids will have social inclusion in US than in India.

Either talk to your side of family and get their support.Talk to your in-laws family and try to get thier support,ask someone who is close to your husband to instill some sense in him.

IF you do not want to talk to either side of families,then apply for H1 visa,calculate the monthly expenses that you would need and ask your husband to send that amount to you every month,if he needs divorce.Ask for some fixed deposits in your kid's name and also properties in their name if your husband has any. IF your husband thinks that bringing up daughters is a burden, then he should realize that being away from them is much bigger burden than raising them.

For now focus on your pregnancy,because all your stress will affect your kid.Tell your husband to remain silent till delivery and talk about divorce,after the first birthday of your second kid.Be strong.

Iamagoodgirl · Aug 21, 2016

op i really appreciate your courage.You are standing up such a difficult condition when there is no support.
OP if there are any local women's support groups they might help you.
Search google or ask in neighborhood for groups.