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Husband Asking Me To Give Mutual Divorce

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lakshmipav, Aug 15, 2016.

  1. Lakshmipav

    Lakshmipav Silver IL'ite

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    Many of u know am currently pregnant second time due in 4 months having 3 1/2 yr already. Since my second baby is girl my husband asking me to give divorce and putting me under extreme torture .. Since am not bending down he started abusing me all the way he can .. He says I have some issues in the past that's y I could not give birth to male child .he saying he will go back to my town to search for my back ground I said yes you can go and ask entire town . Since the only way am dependent is driving way he says I can sit daily with males after divorce to go to office .. Even after hearing all this am still alive .. He is forcing me give divorce or I will drink n die n make u widow .. I don't know what sins I my girls made..

    I could not tolerate this extreme torture as whole day am suffering with stomach pain then also he is criticizing that Iam acting like b****h .. All am bearing for my kids .. What ever I earn is not sufficient for 3 of us if I sign on divorce ..

    Can I reject to sign on divorce papers he said he will leave the state n said I will serve divorce papers from there .. How can we survive with my little salary ..

    Can law in US protect me n my girls cuz he says I will not get single penny as am working ..

    He is asking me to leave elder one with him walkout with unborn baby .i can't live even 1 day without my girl ..
    I heard in some states they give no cause dividce in that case do they divide girls like elder one with husband n younger one with me ..she will not eat of sleep without me ..

    My mother condition is not good I can't share it with them now if something happens to her I have to carry the guilt through my life ..he says he wil take me to death if I don't give divorce n create issue .. Iam just praying God am helpless n tired ..
     
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  2. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    What does this even mean ?!
     
  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I am so sorry to hear that things have come down to divorce. Hugs to you for putting up with immense pressure.

    First of all, if your DH is the one who is asking for a mutual divorce- Try to take a lead on this issue as soon as possible. Don't think this issue will subside by itself if you ignore- You have to gain all the information regarding your case by yourself by talking to a lawyer.

    Every case is different... with children/ immigration involved... I strongly suggest you to have an honest chat with a lawyer. Hire a good one too... Your DH can't scare you with half-baked knowledge of saying leave the first child and no alimony.

    Please do things differently to expect a different outcome- If you don't do anything new the old drama continues. You have to be strong and talk to a lawyer about your case and what you want with your lawyer.

    Your best option is to have custody of both your children and alimony from him. Be bold and call a lawyer and explain your situation. And say you are not interested in mutual divorce.. be honest/ explain in detail about all the abuse.. your DH can't get away with everything. He may be able to scare you... He cant scare the world.

    If you can't avail their fee's please tell them you can't. Some lawyers do pro- Bono or will refer you to lawyers who will do pro-Bono.

    Just talk to a lawyer to know what you can legally do.. if you have some legal knowledge on your situtaion.. you can voice it your DH and he may calm the F down and may or may not go through with the divorce.

    My 2 cents- In long term Don't be with a toxic guy who harasses you non-stop for all the wrong reasons. It doesn't matter what your parents will think/ society will think/ sibling will think. In the end its you and your children life at stake.

    Hugs and prayers to you sweetie. Please pull through this. I am rooting for you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
  4. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP - I remember reading somewhere long time ago that sex of child is decided by male, female only carrier child and it grows inside her.
     
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  5. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    I won't be specifically addressing how you should handle this with your husband (cos I already did in your previous post about the same/similar issue). All I will say is @blindpup10 is right - you need to lawyer up !

    Go on yelp, search for top family law attorneys in your area, make a few calls, hire the best you can afford and boom! - your husband will soon be the one writing tearful posts on forums about losing half his paycheck. That's cos the family law system in the U.S is usually heavily in favor of women and children as a package. Anecdotally, children in the family law system are sometimes referred to as "little bags of money" because they represent child support payments to be made by the higher earning spouse.

    He wants a divorce, well then give him one. He's going to be poorer for it that's for sure. So poor that he may not be able to afford another woman to try the male-child-lottery with.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
  6. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Depending on which state you live..divorce can be at fault or no fault divorce. If the state you live is no fault..your H can file for divorce even without your acceptance. It is not like India where one can say i cannot sign the papers.

    Regarding finance, even if you are working, everything earned by both of you post marriage has to be split in half. This also included any money sent overseas. Like say he sent 10L to support his parents, he has to pay back 5L to you.

    Lawyers might be expensive. To start with check any free legal advise available to women in your area. Sometimes your company will also have a helpline. Talk to you HR if any benefits like that exist
     
  7. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    looking at the way your H is torturing you, you need to get rid of him for peaceful life and betterment of your girls. Then why not now?

    He wants mutual way as he knows he has to pay child support, to avoid that, he wants to make you agree for the terms he puts in divorce papers.

    In 4 months your due date is there that time you can't do much, and also after delivery, atleast 3 months you will be fully occupied with little baby. So next 3 months you use it full, to meet lawyer and get things going, don't delay.
    It is very tough to live in the same house. Tell some reason like close to workplace, too much travel etc and move to different apartment, if you can, when you are ready to go with your lawyer (before doing that take lawyer advice).

    I heard that some lawyers give free advice too. Just take appointment and meet someone, don't delay. Make a list of all property and savings you both have and show it to lawyer, they will help to get you what is your part should be in that savings.

    Later months it gets difficult for you, please take action now. Girls are always going to be with you, small kids are always with mother.

    Also as a first step, share with your doctor too, not everything, if time is constraint, but few words, let the doctor know you are in toxic environment.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
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  8. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Lakshmipav @Jazmine83 - actually lawyers need not be expensive. OP would only need to pay a retainer, file for spousal support and also request a court order to get her husband to pay for her attorney fees, and as early as september/oct her checks will start rolling in. Once court approves, pretty much the husband would be paying for the whole divorce on both sides plus spousal support ! Makes for a slimmer purse indeed (for him) !
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    want to add our experience with a firm, related to very complex immigration process ,
    the lawyer took money in installments, total amount they say, later, first when they start it some fee, middle stage some fee, once finished some fee .

    I am guessing here, it won't be more than 2k total,
    if you know, am I correct @madras2018, I just want to help OP in getting an overview of fees etc.
     
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  10. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes! this is the best possible way- to tell DH- "You want a divorce.. pay for the lawyer fee!" Of course, dont tell him now!! But make him pay.

    I think @Lakshmipav - is being hesitant and unable to mentally take a stand toward her DH's abuse. Please don't let him harass you like this. Once if you start talking to a lawyer and your DH actually knows that you are quite serious about this divorce topic. He will pretty much wisen up.
    I strongly feel he is just pushing you around and scaring you and he has no intention or no idea what the family law is about in the US.
     
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