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Husband Asking About My Finance After Reconcile

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rajapriyaa, May 19, 2022.

  1. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    It depends how your lawyer presents the case to the judge I think. If you prove that he didn’t contribute any way to the marriage and were living separate for years, it is already divorced, not done legally.
    You should have done long back. Now also don’t live with him. Hire a good lawyer.
     
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  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. OP should consult a good lawyer .
    Forum is not the place to get sound advice.
     
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  3. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    That's a big accusation, I am sure of my info. For example in state of New Jersey if one spouse is disabled and cannot work, permanent alimony is a possibility with 10+ years of marriage, even without kids. It also looks like you are completely unaware of shared parenting plans in some states, there is no longer a 'primary custodian', you have to share time with spouse (if he asks for it) and you have to pay him if he does not earn. 50% split of marital property is also exactly the rule in some states
    I understand the judge will modify amount as per situation, but let's be clear if the OP is in some of these US states, running away with kids or hiding bank info is a stupid suggestion. Of course she needs to contact a lawyer ASAP.
    If OP is in India, good for her. Hopefully situation is better there

    You can thank feminists for all these 'wonderful' laws which were designed to 'punish abusive men' but are now coming back will full force to bite hapless women. I have been raising this issue on IL several times. It looks like women are ignorant or do not check out men's forums. These laws are the #1 reason men are reluctant to marry
     
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  4. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    @rosequeen - did u read my post clearly .. why do u assume she is in NJ state as you are just familiar with family laws there ..

    don’t you know family laws differ in different states ….

    I know 1 desi divorce case where the woman got primary custody ( meaning children will be with her for 5 weekdays n husband got secondary custody meaning children will be with him for 2 days on weekend ) so not everyone resides in New Jersey …

    different states have different laws !!!

    plus alimony depends not just on income but debt ratio as well .. if debt ratio is very high then alimony gets reduced substantially and moreover debts raked up by 1 person have to be shared by the spouse ..

    Then there was 1 desi guy who took so much debt before divorce that during divorce , wife ended up with hardly any alimony but tonnes of husbands debt, despite the husband making almost 3 times more than the wife …

    I am telling you real life incidents .. I had many friends who studied law here in US when I was taking another course in same university n they are successful attorneys now n I am still in touch with some of them !!!

    lastly, not everyone resides in New Jersey and there are many different states with different family laws !!!
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2022
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  5. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    @rosequeen -

    lastly stop your rant on men running away from marriage .. it’s Vice versa here in the west ….

    here in US, many women like me have said no to marriage to many men when I was single n not married and when I became single even after divorce !!!!.

    plus I was the one who applied for divorce and in my divorce I did not take a single cent from my ex, even though he earned 3 times more than me .. I Relinquished alimony completely ..

    I always earned my own money in dollars and God has Been kind to me that now I own my own beautiful house in one of the best suburbs in the state I reside in with my own hard earned money !!!

    Moreover , pls study statistics .. most divorce in the west are initiated by women !!!

    and men or women like you can’t shut down women like me who will always speak the truth, no matter how bitter..

    I think God sent me here in this re-incarnation /in this birth to stand up for the truth and call out bigoted people like you ….

    after living on my own in a foreign country for so many years and managing everything on my own even late at midnight, even God could not see my struggles and blessed me with awesome luck as I always did good karma and spoke truth and called out bigoted behavior of men or women like you!!

    I will keep u in my daily prayers that you get karma for your nasty rant and bigoted thinking about women , about LGBT, about teachers here , as I clearly see a pattern of bigotry in your rants and posts on this forum.,
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2022
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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:The primary question By the OP being whether indifferent partner with unacceptable behaviour demands financial status and savings of spouse , should one accept it as normal or otherwise.

    WHEN THE indifference from husband is so discernible and already there is a wedge between partners in marriage, there is absolutely no need to disclose or divulge savings to partner/husband.

    Friends always would advice this way that way which again depends upon their background and geography and the group to which they belong.
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Example of a blanket statement:
    There is no mention of a disability in the OP.


    Now modified to this:
    So in the state of NJ if a person has a proven disability directly impacting the ability to work, the judge may rule for a life time alimony.

    Since I’m constantly proving disability, let me explain to you, it’s not as easy as walking into court and saying - I have xyz and cannot do abc. It’s a long process.
    The law exists to benefit someone with a disability. It’s not there to protect an abusive spouse.
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2022
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The one and only RBG brought about a change by bringing to the SCOTUS a gender discrimination case faced by a man. That one win enabled her and her colleagues to systematically level the playing field for everyone regardless of gender. It took decades to make changes to biased laws and the pivotal case was that of a discriminated man.

    Yes, we need these wonderful laws. It’s for all, not just the feminists. We do have to thank people who did just that, work for your betterment without even you realizing it.

    American jurisprudence is fascinating. It has held to the times and has molded well to change. It’s not all because women took to the streets, although that’s what laypeople contrive based on the popular narrative. Change was brought about by people who who worked in the background and brought to the SCOTUS things that were indisputably biased and changed it one step at a time.

    If one delves into the depths of the laws of this country, one will understand that it’s neither feminists nor misogynists who make dents in them systematically over the years. A small change takes time. A systematic change takes patience and dedication by a wide variety of people.
     
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  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Alimony based on what another spouse contributes to marriage and for how long as per my understanding.
    If it is just law and everybody has to blindly follow there is no need of lawyer to present one’s case. That is why each case is different and court will and should try the best for each one given circumstances
     
  10. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Can't believe the hate here. What I have written is the law in some states, we have calculators available as reference (one for connecticut) ex. Connecticut Maintenance (Alimony) Calculator | Legal Calculators

    In the example above; someone married for 12 years making $200K will have to pay SAHM spouse $60K for about 10 years. This means the earning spouse will have to fork out half her after tax income for 10 years to maintain a lazy husband. Of course, this is the max amount.Whether the husband was abusive, cheated, yelled, harassed makes no difference. These brutal laws were designed by 'feminists' to punish men and is now biting innocent women, those are facts
    If the husband cannot work due to medical condition, permanent alimony is recommended.

    If you think a judge or lawyer will change this calculation amount significantly, its again very difficult. Judges are supposed to follow the law, including recommendations made by legislature on amounts awarded, they cannot come up with some numbers based on what they 'feel' about the case
     
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