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Husband Asking About My Finance After Reconcile

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rajapriyaa, May 19, 2022.

  1. Rajapriyaa

    Rajapriyaa New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    Hope you are doing good there.

    I have been married for 11 years and living separately from my husband for like 7 years now. I have 2 daughters aged 10 and 8. My husband and his mother created lot of problems while living with them (incl. second marriage blackmail as well), my husband didn't take care of the family and there were lot of verbal and physical abuse as well. So i went to live with my mother. I was raised by single parent my mom.

    While living away from him also he troubled me by sending mails to my employer, sending blackmail mails to me. So i have filed divorce in the court. Last Dec, my mother passed away unexpectedly because of Dengue fever. Then he approached my relatives to reconcile with me. I had agreed to give another chance to him and lived with him for 2 months from Feb2022.

    He didn't do any steady job earlier and now also he is not working. As usual right from the marriage i am taking care of family incl. kids school expenses and on top of that i spent for his medical also as he is suffering for arthiritis and eye problem.

    there were lot of fights happened between us because i asked him to do the job, get settled because kids are older now, he should take some responsibility atleast now. He was not interacting with kids also when there is any fight between us.
    I wanted to add kids names to the ration card (i couldnt do it earlier as fathers name werent there in the ration card). When i asked him about that, he want me to reveal my financial info savings to him and all if i want them to add in ration card. I told him over the time when i get some trust, ofcos i will share all those. i cannot share it now as he didnt contribute anything for family. But now right after reconciling asking about my balance sheet doesnt seem right to me. After talking to his mother, realised that she triggered my husband to ask these.

    He got summon for the divorce and started troubling me with the points mentioned there. I am emotionally weak now as my mother is gone who was everything to me for my entire life. this loneliness feel is terrible. At this stage, instead of understanding my position he created more emotional trauma for me. I really got frustrated with this behavior and asked him to get out of the house. i have court hearing next month and planning to proceed with divorce but my friends asking me to hold for now.
    Is it right asking about finance at this stage? your views please.
     
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  2. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    Not okay, please do not fall into his trap ..

    you are earning much better than him and many single mothers raise their children very well so be emotionally strong as your ex husband seems to be that type of a man who will use you as his ATM and still abuse you ..

    why do you need him as you earn money and do everything for your children.. just think of him as a random sperm donor and your bad marriage as a bad mishap in your life and move on
     
    shama146 and chanchitra like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry for your loss. You need some time to recover from the loss sufficiently. Better to not take the final call on divorce kind of decisions in a vulnerable state of mind.

    It's not right but no point in telling him it is not right. Don't share your real financial status with him at any time, now or later. Give some believable figures but add loans or other negatives to the balance. Always have money in accounts that he cannot touch.

    When you are feeling a bit more strong mentally, evaluate what value he brings to your life. Maybe you want your daughters to have a namesake father figure in their lives. Think over all the reasons for staying in the marriage and all for not staying it. Use the head more than the heart.

    Best Wishes.
     
  4. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Don't fall into this trap. You have been already raising your children without him, keep doing that. Don't drop the divorce case or it will be harder to file again. Be strong and don't let that man control you.
     
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    I wont suggest anyone to continue in an abusive marriage. Believe in your gut feeling.
    Looks like he came back for financial support and for a nurse as his health is not good. What are you going to get from him.
    Dont fall into his trap and reveal your finance. Always keep your salary or savings in your own account or it will end up in financial abuse.
    I am sure you may take time to accept your moms absence in your life. Do you believe you might have given him a chance if she was here. So, detach and think calmly and take a practical ( not emotional ) decision. If he is not going to bring any peace or happiness to your life, why to waste your time? If you decide to stay set up healthy boundaries, I am not sure whether an abuser will ever respect that. Think all aspects and take a decision.
     
    kavikuyil, chanchitra and lakshmi888 like this.
  7. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    yes most abusive men return to separated wife when they need her as a nurse or for using her as ATM !!
     
  8. kavikuyil

    kavikuyil Bronze IL'ite

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    Don’t tell him ANYTHING about your finances … he’ll use it in court to get half of it as he’s not working …

    Move accounts to another bank and say you are having debts because you are single mom.

    Get out of this marriage. There’s no need to have a husband who doesn’t support u emotionally and or financially
    But expect u to do both.

    Your husband has identified a vulnerable time in your life to be back and take over your life and money so he can enjoy his life.
     
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  9. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Not sure of law in India, but sounds like husband is suffering from medical issue, is unemployed and the marriage is long term. So divorce will mean that woman has to pay life long alimony to husband, pay for his medical expenses, share custody of children with him and give half her assets to him. In short, it means lifetime drudgery for woman while the man is free to do as he pleases
     
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  10. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

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    @rosequeen- u r wrong ...DO NOT GIVE WRONG INFO TO ABUSED WOMEN..DO NOT EARN BAD KARMA....

    as far as i remember, as told by my JD law classmates when i was studying here in west- lifelong alimony is in only "SOME" states in west to non primary custodian and that too for 10 plus years marriage and it depends on ratio of debt to income plus childcare expense of primary custodian....even debs are mostly equally shared in divorce....

    even if she was in US in those states of lifelong alimony after 10 yrs of marriage, since she is primary caretaker of children,alimony would ""hardly be anything"" for non primary custodian after credict card debts, car loans, home loans!!

    she seems to be in India and she will have to pay probably zero to dead beat father aka sperm donor..father title needs to be earned !!
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2022
    chanchitra likes this.

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