Hurt & Broke completely ... PLS HELP!!!

SB, I am not harsh. Look at things from a very pragmatic perspective. The lady says her husband is still in connection / relationship with his ex-wife. This has been confirmed by someone that she trusts. First and foremost SB, in a husband-and-wife relationship, if trust is broken you don't have any other string to which you can hold on. The moment we take external help (other than the family) for such serious matters where the person x can confirm that the husband has a relationship, the marriage is over. Even when I broke with my bad man I never ever allowed anyone to walk up to me and say something bad about him. If someone can take the liberty to walk-up to her and say her husband has an affair, I just can imagine in what gullible situation the OP should be to get her husband back at any cost. Now this move is a very dangerous move. The moment you are desperate to hold on to a relationship, you can easily bid adieu.

Now, there's a lot of things going on. The husband has not shown interest in taking her back. She has not packed her bags and gone.

What is that she wants? Does she want the husband to come to her and be caring, cajole her and take her back? Now, if he is that sort of a person this divide would not have come. It is evident the husband is not that type of a person. She must gain clarity of mind and collect herself.

Life unfortunately is not Sooraj Bharjatya's movie. Life is very unusual for several.

For having got into this situation, how are we going to arrive to a proper solution. Had I been in her place, I'd have asked the husband whether he's carrying on an affair with his ex. I'd lay down the facts and the source of information. This would turn out to be ugly, but wouldn't mind rolling my sleeves to clean the muck.

Have an open conversation with the inlaws and the husband and lay down my expectations. Give some 3-4 months time and if nothing works out take a call.

I am not harsh SB. I am talking facts and facts are harsh.

 

So if he is not asking you to come back, and you do not want to make the first move and physically pack your things and land up at his doorstep... then what happens next? Looks like a stand off which is never going to end.

 

CP,

Love, trust and respect lacks in this marriage.. Either from your side or from his.. If you feel, it makes no sense to go back to such a relationship, then what are you waiting for... ?

Why do you need time to call it quits ? Call him for a change and talk to him about seperation. If he is all ready for it, then yes go ahead with it. There is no point in hanging onto this relationship alone.

If he is dragging you for nothing..then, you could talk to a lawyer to see what you can do. Get hold of his ex-wife and ask her honestly if she wants to get back with him..

Dont sit at your mom's place and draw any assumptions about your life related to this man. Just because some guy got you in conference and your hubby happened to say,I am with my wife, doesnt turn the world upside down.. Basically, that friend getting you in a concall simply so that you get excited to hear his voice, sounds silly to me. Why would you need some third person to do all that ? Havent you heard his voice enough that you wanted to hear it again ?

Maybe like how you discussed, your hubby wouldnt have discussed problems with this friend.

Right from the beggining, I was sure, you dont want to go back to your husband.. simply because you werent feeling loved anymore. So, go ahead and follow your instincts, live by yourself.

Do not go on and on weighin the pros and cons.. Because end of the day, you looking for something from your husband which clearly seems he lacks. There is no point in writing here and asking us " why you need to be the only one who has to compromise " !! We know you and not your husband.. We can write to you and not to him. Simple.

By all of us writing here, yes your hubby needs to compromise too.. nothing is going to change. So, get practical and understand what you really want to do in life.. Too much of thinking will only leave you thinking forever.

 

i somehow feel this is just one side of the story and if one listens to the man on the other side , only then the true story will be revealed .........

 

OK he doesnt NEED his wife and kid!! so what next???? so you would spy on him????as to what is he upto??? when someone doesnt care where you are what you are doing, why do you have to wonder what is he upto??

Either you get the message or not thats what this is all about. As I said in my earlier post, HE WONT come forward. Thats already very well understood. SO WHAT NEXT??? what about you??? if you too think you cant move forward, then STOP wondering what is he upto and move on with your life (who knows might be when he is old and need some care taker he would come to you as you LOVE him sooooo much) Dont EXPECT him to come and fall on your feet and say he cant live iwth out you and the kid (this is not a MOVIE).

You really have to growup!! You know and you are seeing the behaviour, inspite of all this if you dont want to accept the facts and do this blame game its just waste of time and energy.

 

I too had my thoughts similar to what rosary has said! A man who was all lovey dovey till his wife is pregnant has changed suddenly:bonkwhat changed??? inlaws were calling and atleast on talking terms during pregnancy and once the baby is born everyone cut off the strings, what happened??? Any cruel man atleaast would want to see the new born and if this man is not ready to even see his own flesh and blood, either he is hurt too badly with something that has happened or he is really not fit to be a MAN. if it is the former one, then we have to know the story. if it is the latter one, IS IT EVEN worth to continue marriage with such a man????

 

Hi Chill Pill,
Just like how you are angry, hurt and crushed maybe your DH and inlaws feel the same since you have literally abandoned YOUR home and living in your mom's home. Why dont you see this perspective ....