Hurt & Broke completely ... PLS HELP!!!

ChillPill · Dec 28, 2009

Hi Ladies,

Most of the ladies out there knew about my life and as per their advice on indus I decided to go back to my husband one more time to keep our marriage going (when he dint take any such measures) .
To my greatest shock I have come to know tht he is still with his ex-wife for which he has discarded me completely after I went for my delivery to my mom's place.
I don't understand one point here... :bonk
IF THIS DH OF MINE WAS STILL WANTING ONLY HIS EX TO BE WITH HIM IRRESPECTIVE OF ALL THAT HAD HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM IN THE PAST. THEN WHY DID HIS PARENTS GET THEIR SON MARRIED TO ME AND SPOIL MY LIFE (when they knew he was still clinging on to his past) !!! :rant

Well, now we were married and I loved him completely & accepted him with all his past , flaws & goodness why should he look back to a person who had discarded him yrs before!!! And leave the one who has come in his life and who believed only him whole-heartedly after the wedding ??????
My DH promised me tht he has nothing to do with the past and it was jus me henceforth in his life after the wedding but its been reversed now.

My friend usually says tht I 'm undergoing post pregnancy depression whn I used to get worked up with my problems while disusing earlier with her. Aft coming to knw abt this I feel even more depressed & miserable to have believed someone this blindly .

Dear Ladies,
At this point of time all I need is an advice on two things.
1) How do I collect evidence about their affair which would be a valid point for terminating our marriage?
2) My DH is a pc freak he is stuck to it most of the time , so I need to knw how am I to find out wht is he upto!

PS:

My DH's first marriage was a love marriage and ours was an arranged.

Abt this affair I came to know thru a very confidential person of his and he is not ready to give me any more details on it and he is afraid to see our marriage being reversed because of him. I first din't believe him, but then he conference the call immediately with my DH and asked where he was??
And the reply from MY DH was : " I am outside with my wife, and I shall call you back later "
when I am here at my mom's place listening to their con call. :idea
Is my feelings genuine after hearing this statement or am I over reacting!!!

PLS ADVICE GF'S :coffee

arthidiva · Dec 28, 2009

Hey CP, I totally understand what state you are in...

Before getting into any details, Can you clarify??

Maybe, when this confidential person called your hubby, dont you think there is a chance that your DH was simply saying he is with his wife so that he could ignore this person's call?? least did your DH know that this person was calling in front of his real wife(you)..

my DH does this sometimes when he doesnt want to take some phone calls.. he would say he is in the hospital with his wife (me) when we are very much out of the hospital and he is free to talk..

IMO - Please do not get into ideas with just this phone call.. you need better proof dear.. like someone realiable to you has seen them both together often.. dont make yourself miserable with just this proof.

Spiderman1 · Dec 28, 2009

Which country do you live in? Not all countries require evidence collection.
If you are in India, then you probably need that.

Spiderman1 · Dec 28, 2009

ChillPill,
I am shocked by this post of yours
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/m...revealed-something-shocking-2.html#post988714

Maybe your DH is also trying to follow the advice you yourself gave of doing things on the sly

ShilpaMa · Dec 28, 2009

CP.. whats the exact requirement?

1) Reason + evidence to frame ur DH to put a solid case for Divorce.
2) Indefinitely postponing your visit to your DH to make him run for a shoulder elsewhere?
3) Lack of any interest to go back to DH or clarification of any doubt..

Pls clearly tell whats on your mind then we can tell you how to do it.
Use of too many smiley have diluted the intensity of this issue & it appears to be a funny narration by you :crazy.

Spiderman, that was BULLs eye!!!!!!!!!!!!! CP ur DH is not being selfish to close his marriage for "just physical needs" fulfilled from another person.

StaarBearer · Dec 28, 2009

ChillPill,

I agree with arthi here.
If the only cause for Your worry is the phonecall or the confident's message, I would say dont get so tempted by it. If Your DH is ignoring You and or showing any other signs of disinterest, You may as well pursue Your quest for evidence. But until You feel, its too early to jump to a conclusion.

Cheers and All the Best, You are in my prayers.

ChillPill · Dec 28, 2009

Dear Shilpa,

I was eager to go back with my DH after the delivery in just a month, but he kept giving me reasons as to why he cant take me this early. Initially it was fine I guessed it to be the care he showed towards my health & was soo happy about it. later it was 6 months and he still doesn't come to see me or take us ( me & the baby) back, nor answers my calls or replies back to any mails /chat.
Finally I called up my inlaws during the 8th month and asked them to speak to my DH about me coming back which they did. For which my DH picked up a huge fight with me to have called my inlaws to discuss the dates (when he never answers any of my calls - volunteered to call me then).
Later we never spoke about it cos I promised not to speak on that topic & only does whn he wishes to do so; then it was months past and he still hasn't taken me back. Thats when I wrote on indus seeking for advices and all kind hearted ladies in here gave me a good sense of advice and boosted me to go back home - "MY HOME"
Well, I had booked the tickets as referred earlier to go aft my s-i-l's wedding, and was informing his friend and his wife about the same. So that they could pick us up from the airport and give my DH a surprise at his house.
So this friend and his wife agreed to do so. When suddenly he said why don't i conference the call so that you can hear his voice and would feel more excited to meet him. I agreed.... then he called up at 3pm and my DH told him tht he was out with me. I immediately called up my inlaws place and asked for him and they said - he was not at home since morning and being a weekend my DH does not step out in the afternoon's even if given $1 million.

PS:
This friend whom I spoke to is my DH's good friend & is now afraid to help me any future thinking tht he would become the root cause for our marriage to reverse.

ChillPill · Dec 28, 2009

Dear starbearer / arthi ,

Can you do a case study on the below situation -

My DH's behavior after me coming back for delivery was :

showing lack of interest to my calls or to reply back to my mails / chats

I have to nag him to the core to meet me after coming to my mom's place

lack of care and being self - centered in keeping himself safe in all possible means.

never understands or treat me well during my pregnancy nor during my labor(which i guess any woman would like to be treated)

not honoring my parents in terms of respect.

EVEN AFTER ALL THESE I STILL NEGLECTED HIS BEHAVIORS JUST TO KEEP MY MARRIAGE GOING AND KEPT TRYING ALL POSSIBLE WAYS OF BEING BACK WITH HIM AND I FEEL I HAVE TRIED ENOUGH, when he hasn't stepped atleast one step forward for me to be back with him.
SO WHY JUST ME ALL THE TIME

StaarBearer · Dec 28, 2009

ChillPill,

My apologies.
I know how hard it feels, when Your loved one isnt there for You. It feels like Your DH is either totally lost in his situation (whatever it maybe) or is plain angry with You for something. Whatever may be the case, I hope he is not cheating on You and end up being a loser in life.

More is never enough, until You hear him out completely. Dont hurry up yet and get to meet him personally first (dont confront him over phone). Let him know Your feelings that You have for him and ask him what he thinks of it. Answers are nothing compared to the actions - even if the answers seem incoherent, watch out for his body language and You would know.

No matter what may come, Be Strong. You need to take care of Yourself first, than anyone/anything else in this world.

ChillPill · Dec 28, 2009

Well, My DH was excited about the news of being a would-be-parent & was soo caring and loving towards me. Then slowly he started distancing me.
Initially I felt he was scared to hurt me with his action or words which would in turn hurt his baby. Thou becoming a parent in such a short period of our wedding was solely his decision keeping his age in mind. I had less role to play[ not that he was an old man... That was the crap he used to convince me to get pregnant]. In spite of me wanting some more time for our relationship to jump over the next step of maturity level.
Before coming to my mom's place for delivery, I spoke to him about whts bothering him! if it was the baby or me being away from him for delivery but he seem to be fine with all such stuffs.
I also pleaded him for any of my behavior that made him upset, but he convinced me on all those parameters and I was confident that he was not hurt knowingly or unknowingly by me.
When such initiative have been taken & sorted out why did he think of cheating on me ( - if i have to tagged it so)?? or why has he still not taken us back nor come to see his baby even once!
everything here seems to be a mystery and am upset on soo many situations and just was to put the blame on my parents for have hurried their decision about my marriage.