Huge Fight With Dh...things Are Not Going Well

Annika, I am
Going to add one more to the list.

6. Find a suitable job.
7. Open a thread about SHAM vs Working moms (ok. Am kidding but you should search Indus ladies on this topic. You will find plenty of ideas how to give it back to insensitive people).

I am still waiting for your priority list. Please tell me and I will do my best to help.

 

I can understand your feelings very well,sometimes i have also felt the same way. But i never let my mind fall in those comments passed by others and have always taken care not to be in the company of such people, who thinks SAHM is a degraded post.. i feel terrible wen my house is a but messy.. i dont like seeing things here n there... Its my nature.. so.keeping the house clean and doing all chores with a to do list prepared every morning helps a lot.
Just try to complete your household work in correct time then try going for an evening walk and spent some time outside everyday ... Sitting at home without doing anything makes you remember everything, every dialogues of those people
. But if u r busy in any creative work , like sewing , knitting, craft diy 's etc.. will make ur mind occupied.. and of course continue sending resume but keep a time limit for that also... And play with your child , be like a kid... Forget everything.
If u let ur life go like this u will fall into depression .. as u know it very well, conquer ur mind not to fall in negativity..
Good luck

 

Dear,
I may not give you right suggestion but below is my opinion.
Is it such a bad thing to be a home maker? Not so, right? Because in my opinion, it is the difficult job where you need to do 24*7. No holidays. I do accept that doing job is also difficult one. Both has its own pros and cons.
I will tell you what i thought previously and what i think now.
I was working before my marriage, that time i thought being home maker is an easy job because i saw my mom doing with ease and she enjoyed her work. But after marriage, i thought of being home maker for sometime, so i am home maker now. I feel this is the difficult job comparing to my previous job. Because when i was not feeling well that time,i used to take off for a day and take rest. Now it's not the same. Even though i am not well, i am doing things at home. My Dh never expected me to do things when i was not well. It's me, who is doing.
First, don't think that being home maker is a curse. Take it in a positive way, where you will have good time to spend with your kid and you can spend quality time for yourself too. Make some hobbies.
As others said, prioritise things first.
Who are these relatives and friends? Even if you work, do you think they will talk or include you in their disscussion? Is it really important for you to be included in their discussion? If they are really good ones, it doesn't matter if you are home maker or doing job. Why do you want to spoil your happiness for someone?
You are lucky as your dh has never expected you to work and earn. I have seen many people who expect their wives to earn.
First try to come out of the depression, do yoga, make some hobbies. Engage yourself.
Btw what is your kid's age? If your Lo is small, take good care of him, teach him, play with him. That way, you will be quite busy.
Check some work from home options and try.
Check some jobs which need not be as your previous one. Try to learn new things.

 

See relatives are meant to do this only in our life..

if u r Single and working .. when will u get married ?

If u r married and working .. When will u have kids??

If U have kids along with job.. You are ignoring ur kids.. U r running behind money .. Like they are give us salary..

If u will leave ur job and take care or ur kid and home.. Why dont u work..

They are just meant to do this..

Just ignore them ..

have peace with ur life..

When things are meant to happen .. it will happen .. till the time have patience.. n set priority in life..

Dont spoil ur life with those relatives..

U can give a reason U r working as freelancer .. just to shut their mouth.

 

Anika...u need help. U have reached a point where u are unable to do basic tasks without feeling overwhelmed.
Does ur insurance provide coverage for counselling? A heart wants what it wants... want to go out and have the satisfaction of bringing home a pay check ......just do it. Not for others..for urself.
I know that u find part time work not financially viable after day care...i was in ur situation once many many years ago...my take home pay after taxes and day care and a whole lot of outsourcing of household work made no financial sense..but DH insisted I go on without worrying too much about the accounting logistics..the best decision I took...Consider it an investment ...it almost always pays off. Ur kid will not always be in preschool...remember that.
IT will get easier and more options will open up.

 

The bottom line of all your posts OP, is you have a very rosy picture of being in group. You want to feel wanted with people around you always. Life is not just about going out, discussing work or idli chutney. You have to learn to accept what you have, only then you will be happy. So what if some 2 people don't involve you into a discussion? Why is that a trigger? And just curious, don't those working cousins of yours do dishes and vacuum their houses? What has job changed for them? You can have the bag without working also. These things are also not the issue. It's more about wanting to be a part of group and not just a corner but the center of the group. I read another post of yours where you mentioned a group of moms going out and someone being a leader. Honestly, in a group of friends there is no leader. There's just one who takes the initiative and others are just supportive. As long as you keep picturing these groups and leaders, you are going deeper into suffering your mind and self.

You need to be calm, feel yourself to be important. Only then you can concentrate on everything.

 

Anika
I have read several of your threads and agree with the above poster. You still are in the high school mode. You see everybody as forming groups, and treating you as an outsider. You imagine a very rosy picture and think what you have right now is not enough. You wanted to be friendly with other moms but then you are not comfortable when they actually invited you out. So you see, when what you wish for actually happens you are not happy with it. Don't let others rule your mind and actions.
Just relax. Take care of your health and child.

 

Dear OP, You have everything that most women would envy you for! A loving husband, who treats you like a queen, a wonderful kid and also you were fitness freak and you must have been in great shape. You must be proud of what you have! Instead, you are spoiling everything coz of some stupid comments about SAHM and you cudnt discuss about your job and pay with that women.
OP, those women may be just jealous of you. Not all, but ppl who intentionally keep you out of conversations and pass stupid comments about SAHM, is trying to destroy your self-confidence and you have let them do so! Dont become a victim of all those stupid comments! (You have already become, but wake up before it causes irrevocable damage to your sweet household. Remember you can very well survive without those women). Few things you could do -

1. Change your circle of friends. Avoid the ones who hurt you, unless its a function you must attend. Even when u meet them, ignore them and if they comment at your SAHM status, say that you love it.
2. Its fine that you are searching for a job. But dont be desperate. You know what you want, but GOD knows what you need!
3. Start your fitness regime right away! A sound mind in a sound body!
4. Indulge into new hobbies - You may end up finding your passion in one. Getting a job and sitting in front of a PC (if ur are in IT background) is not the only way to earn. You said you are a fitness freak - see if you could teach yoga to kids around. Check how to become a professional teacher. Jewellery designing, making, painting, lot of things are there, which you could start as a hobby and based on your interest and skill can turn it into your profession. This way you will have time for your family and you will be doing something you like (not all your friends have that blessing to do what they like/love). Also, when you hear comments on SAHM, you can proudly say that you are investing your time in doing something that you love!

Bottom line - DO NOT SPOIL what you have for some stupid comments from some immature women. LOVE and RESPECT yourself, others will follow suit automatically. If they dont, problem is theirs!

Edit - There is a quote - FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! You may not get back all your confidence immediately as you yourself have reduced your self esteem for sometime now, but hold you head high and start telling everyone that you love what you have and do, you will make it!

 

First of all "grass is greener on the other side"...
My cousin is working in the U.S. And has 2 kids..they have financial commitment so she HAS to work...
She hardly sleeps 5 hours at night..she drives 25 + 25 kms up and down..and also takes care of household chores and cooking etc as ..kids are left at day care and she has to look after them also..and on weekends guests keep coming home..
U cannot imagine the levels of exhaustion she has and she has lost sooo much weight and looks pale as she doesn't get time to eat breakfast even..
SAHMs envy working ladies ., and working ladies envy SAHMs as they can relax at home, and spend quality time with kids..
My cousin says she gets up exhausted every morning thinking why she has to go for work..
She doesn't have time for her younger kid and she has few health issues still she cannot take break as cost of living doesn't permit her to do so..
As Rajeni says, u have a good husband and 2 lovely kids..ur husband is not insisting on u contributing to household expense and is earning well enough to support u and kids..
U are mixing up many issues..
Respect is something that u deserve irrespective of whether ur working or not..Do not let anyone put u down just becos ur a home maker..
Fitness is essential for your health..I saw ur thread regarding fitness activities..don't buy junk food..keep only healthy stuff and come back on track..
Keeping home clean, doing dishes, vacuum cleaning is something everyone has to do irrespective of whether they're working or not..
It's a good thing that you're studying and doing certification..
Can u do some freelancing work or work from home job to start of with..or can u attend classes in any institute or community college..just for few hours.
U know, many housewives prepare chapati sabzis etc and sell them to working ladies to get extra income..I know a lady who takes orders for jewellery designing at home..artificial jewels of course..it's not only a source of income but also interesting...one more acquintance of mine has two kids and unable to go out for work but she is very very good at music so she takes music and violin classes at home for kids..one more lady takes online singing classes through Skype..one more acquintance works in IT company but on weekends she designs chains, earrings etc in request from customers..she earns few thousand rupees every month..