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Hubby's perfectionism........HELP!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by varsha365, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. VLR

    VLR Silver IL'ite

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    Dont worry Varsha.
    now that you realize your mistake.. apologize to your husband and do let him know you will work on this.
    And Srividya mentioned.. try to SHOW your husband through your actions that you are really serious about fixing this problem. Once he sees you are also genuinely trying he will come around. It will take time to re-build the trust but with your patience you definitely will be able to become more perfect than your husband.. All the best :thumbsup
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2010
  2. varsha365

    varsha365 New IL'ite

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    wow!! What an idea!!:idea I can't thank you enough ProReal. I am sooooo going to do this.
    Hope it brings him back.

    Thanks VLR for the support!!
     
  3. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Varsha,

    I think your husband is really disappointed with your accident. You left without major damage but what if there is a damage and real accident. Can you pay the price for it? His disappointment on your careless driving So please keep this mind and never forget about it. It’s not just you and kids also involved.

    From your post it doesn't appear to me that he is worried about you paying bills and all other stuff.
    I believe your behavior is more than forgetting small things, so you need address that first and change the personality (at least give a try).
     
  4. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    DEAR GIRL YOU MARRIED A PERFECTIONIST-----BE PATIENT, TRY TO KEEP HIS EXPECTATION AT LEAST 50% AFTER THAT ,PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN READ HIM SOME GENERAL NUMERLOGIST BOOKS, WHICH DEFINES A PARTICUL AR PLUS POINTS AND MINUS POINTS AFTER READING IT ,HE IS NOT GOING TO SAY ''HE WILL LET YOU BE'' BUT A LITTLE MORE GENTLER IN TRYING TO IMBIBE HIS CHARECTERITIC IN YOU.
    ALL HUMANS ARE DIFFERNT, OUR SELF-CONTROL SENSE OF REPONSIBLITIES ARE DIFFERENT,--YOU SEEM AS YOU SAY MORE SOCIAL, AND HE MORE HOMELY AND A STICKLER FOR DOING YOUR DUTIES, AND NOT KEEP CHANGING YOU MIND IMPUSIVELLY FOR HIM IT IS A CRIME. I THINK SOMEONE IN THE FAMLY WAS A
    STICKER TO RESPONSIBILITIES.
    I FEEL HE WANTS TO FEEL PROUD OF YOU BY MOULDING LIKE HIM, AND CANNOT UNDERSTAND YOUR SIMPLE PYCHOLOGY OF A FRIENDLY,CHARMING HAPPY GO LUCKY PERSON[/COLORHE ACTUALLY SHOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE YOU IT IS A BLEND OF PERSNALITITES THAT MAKE A HOME.

    CHART OUT WORKS THAT YOU FORGET REGULARLY AND GIVE IT TO HIM AS HE IS A RESONSIBLE PERSON TO THE CORE, AND YOU TAKE UP ALL THE OUTER SOCIAL JOBS CHART OUT , SPEAK TO HIM HAVE HEART TO HEART CHAT, START BY SAYING THAT YOU WILL TRY TO BE A RESPONSIBLE PERSON LIKE YOU AND TRY MUCH WRITE IT DOWN ;;ANDT RY ON YOUR SIDE BECAUSEHE IS NOT WRONG BY TRYING TO MAKE YOU A RESPONSIBLE PERSON AND TRY TO CONVINCE HIME THAT YOU WILL TRY, ONLY IF HE DOES NOT GET TOO ANGRY AND STOP CONVERSATION.

    YOU ARE FAMILY YAAR,DONT WORRY I HAVE AYOUNGER BROTHER WITH THE TYPE OF CHACTER MARRIED TO THE OPPOSITE TYPE, SHE IS TO COMPLAIN TO ME ''WHAT AKKA WHY IS IS DOING THIS, FINDING FAULT WITH SMALL MINUTE THING, I JUST CANNOT BE LIKE HIM I FORGET'' NOW AFTER FEW TEARS TRYING HARD YEARS TO CHANGE EACH OTHER, HE TAKE UP THE JOBS WHICH SHE DOESNT DO WELL OR THINKS IT IS NOT WELL ENOUGH,''NOW AFTER 7 YEAR HE SAID WHEN YOU CANNOT CHANGE JOIN THEM'' AND THEY ARE A VERY HAPPY COUPLE, IT TAKE TIME TO CHANGE YOU GIVE IN YOUR 25^% AND HE 25% THE REST WILL BE ADJUSTED, SLOWLY KEEP YOUR COOL AND THAT YOU ARE DIFFERENT AND POINT OUT YOUR PLUS POINT AND HIS NEGATIVE POINT GENTLY AND IN A LAUGHING WAY SLOWLY --------------IT WILL ALL MELLOW DOWN AS YEARS GOES BY:)
     
  5. varsha365

    varsha365 New IL'ite

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    Yeah, Priya, I know he was more worried because of the accident and also I had kid with me.
     
  6. varsha365

    varsha365 New IL'ite

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    Hope it really does. Thanks Malligashivaram.
     
  7. ProReal

    ProReal Senior IL'ite

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    Go ahead and try it Varsha and am sure it will mellow him down this time but like the rest of them mentioned you will have to really turn a new leaf soon :)
     
  8. rawatjaya

    rawatjaya New IL'ite

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    Hi Varsha,
    good thing is u know how u are.....and ur follys. It wil be much easier if u pull up ur socks and do something really concrete to change your attitude.I honestly don't find anything wrong with your husband's habits.I m lot like him and my hubby is like u :)......so I can understand his silent anger, but don't fret over his not talking to u, u ve done enough verbal apology now is d time to show change in ur attitude towards carelessness. Givr yourself and him sm time and things will be fine after sm time.:thumbsup
     
  9. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    I don't blame your husband.Even I have this low memory thing,so I have a board stuck on the fridge where I note down in color board marker and in big letters whatever needs to be done on that day and in the near future.Also,I note down all events for my son's school,doctor appts etc on a calendar which is also stuck on the fridge so nothing can get missed.We found the fridge to be the best place since we always reach out to the fridge for anything and the calendar/board cannot be missed if it is stuck there.Now my hubby also marks anything important on the calendar so any one of us always knows what to expect on any day.

    I too did this yield sign thing recently.Luckily that vehicle did not hit me.I got a blasting from my hubby because he was driving his car in front of me and I was blindly following him in my car.:bonk

    Again ,the mall thing could have been avoided.He did say that you could go in the weekend ,then why did you have to go on that day itself?

    I don't think this has to do with perfectionism.It just shows his extreme concern for you and he must be frustrated since you don't take any steps to work on your forgetful habits.
     
  10. varsha365

    varsha365 New IL'ite

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    Yeah, you are right!!
    My main problem is putting things off for tomorrow no matter how much I promised myself I will do it the previous day. :hide:

    Before marriage I really liked his organized, orderly nature but never ever realized those days I was also supposed to be somewhere near to that or else......:bonk
    He took me to his house one day and I actually admired the way he kept his house spic and span. I called up my sister and sang praises of it for long. Though marriage brought so much change in me (my mom says), still a long way to go....ugh!!

    In the first year of marriage I felt like living with a robot.
    My take it easy policy drove him crazy...:spin
     

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