hubby thinks I am waste without job!!

sarithaa · Sep 15, 2008

Hi Everyone,

After 6 months of my marriage I came to us on H4 then same year I got H1, since then my problem started, my hubby wanted a career oriented wife, but stuck up marrying me( he also says money is important to him),
I have done my PG in computers looking for a job, have no work experience in india, from past 1 year I failed to get a job,
since my studies there are lot of new technologies, my hubby said he will teach me no need of any training, but he is very short tempered with zero patience, every time when I ask a dought there will be argument/blowsRant from him,
I dont have any one to help in my career other then him,
he easily gets frustrated and says any thing to me, its very hard to bear his words, he says he will send me back to india, he doesnt need me etc etcbonk ,he always finds some or the other faults in what ever I do,
he complains to my SIL and MIL,BIL about me, I cant say any thing to my parents and worry them,and have no sister to share my feelings. I burried all my wishes and choices and doing what ever pleases him but still he has complaints
I want to get a job in other states and live peacefully alone,
initially I dint have confidence of staying alone here, but now I feel any place would be peacefull without listening to these orders,arguments & complaints
please help me:hide: I am confused are all husbands like this, is my problem common:spin

please advise

Cutepavi · Sep 15, 2008

Hey sarithaa,
It is actually good to have a husband who wants a Career oriented husband. And it is a bad notion that you wouldn't get a job without experience.The trick in US is that the way you apply is different. Are you using the resume you created in India for Applying to jobs here? If so you need to change that. You need to sell yourself and not what you studied.Whatever you studied come secondary(Though it matters) you have to let the people you are hiring know that you are passionate in the job you are applying and you need to do a lot of research on the job before you apply it. And another major importance is that You need to apply for 100 jobs then you get a call from 1 or 2.
Secondly, Tell your husband that you can be upto his expectation if he is going to support you in all the steps of your life. And also let him know that you do not APPRECIATE his complaining about you to your In laws.
It happens sometimes to husbands when they are really frustrated and want to tell their frustrations to some one. If your in laws understand taht it is just his frustration then leave it because he also need some outlet!!
Otherwise do let him know that it hurts you. Going away from the problem is not the solution dear. Talk and try to clear it all. Talking helps a lot.

Take Care. Good luck with your job search.:thumbsup

rumyar · Sep 15, 2008

Hi Saritha,

Am sorry about your situation. You should probably try looking for a job through consultancies. You could get into Testing and its easier to get a job in testing. Do forward me your resume.

Also, you will have to work on your language, and thats the most important thing.Please don't mind me saying this, am just trying to help you.

Dont get bogged down, its hard for people these days to live on one person's income. People do get vexed after a point. You got to work hard and be proactive and get a job soon.

Wish you all the best,
Ramya

sarithaa · Sep 16, 2008

Hi Cutepavi, Ramya,

Good to know that some one is there to hear me,:bowdown Thank you for your advices,i'll follow them
Cutepavi what you said was informative
apply 100 and get 1 or 2 calls,I dint know that, I was applying 10 to 20 jobs whose job description looks comfortable for me, they are asking one or the other new technologies:spin which I have no idea
Ramya as you said i'll improve my launguage and I am in j2ee side can't come to testing now

I appreciate your advices,
any further information please reply me
Thank you again

srijini · Sep 16, 2008

hey saritha,

dont get worried yaar i too was a girl like u...but my hubby supports me...here the case is i too was working hard abt improving my fluency by listening to FM conversations....and alll...yeah i was on Testing side ...its my hubby's choice bcoz intially if i got job confidence later i can shift to other technologies...better u too try it..its soo easy to prepare ...

hope this will help u

smith21181 · Sep 16, 2008

Hey saritha,

I really feel very bad after reading your story. I think its good that your dear hubby wants to see you in such a good position which gives u unique idenditity & he is also ready to support you . Most of the indian woman wants to make career in USA , but they dont have visa , but in your case You have Visa , you have hubby who is ready to support you . Now the all things are in your favour so dont give up...just try try & try .

When I was small .. my mom used to tell me "You do yourself Best , God will do the Rest " and I belive in It . I want to work here but I dant have visa & so I feel nervous many times.Be positive & Best of Luck .

BYeeeeeeeee... take care.

rumyar · Sep 16, 2008

Hi Saritha,

There is a opening in University Of Chicago for J2ee web developers. Apply in all universities, their pay might be a little lesser than the market rate but the job pressure wont be much.

And as i said, you could start with testing so that you will have a job in hand and you will also be able to understand the corporate environment. It was just a suggestion...

The key is as cutepavi said apply in a lot of place and never lose faith in yourself.If you show the interest in applying for a job your hubby would definitely be happy.

Good luck
Ramya

yamusarna · Sep 16, 2008

Hi Saritha,

I donot have any help or advice for you, but dear don´t loose hope. Do not shut your feelings.IL is a very nice place to share your worries,concerns, joys and sorrows. First year of the marriage is an understanding phase, and if you are not comfortable with something that your husband says or does, tell him in the best way possible. Communicate with him and let him know how hurt you feel. Tell him you need his support now.You said you dont have sisters. You will get a lot of sisters here.Don´t worry

All the best.

Yamuna.