How will life change after Going for nuclear family

I have come to live in a nuclear family from a joint family.

Because, I always wanted a nuclear family, and never said YES to a joint family. This joint family was accidentally imposed on me. I could no longer bear this; hence made my plans to move out.

I don't think any average husband, who really likes the JF system and half heartedly leaves this, would genuinely support the wife with the added workload of a NF. So, I did not expect anything from my husband in the process of establishing my new home, daily routine with kids etc...

I had a great support system. My family of origin always side by me. My mom stood with me to establish the home and child care. Whereas my sister and brother, and their spouses gave their fullest support during the initial days to establish the home.
My husband too pitched in, reluctantly though.. But later on he started helping out so much.

This way, we saw only the positives of the NF; hence it was very easy for me to convince my husband to accept this set up wholeheartedly.

NF set up has its own plus and minus. For ex... You need a reliable maid/care taker with the kid if you are working.
You should do all the chores with no help
You should spend quality time with kids though you have mountains of work piling up there. Because kids have no one to lean on.
At times of sickness, hardship etc... you have to manage alone
Sometimes, it feels boring to have no one to talk to

But it has its own positives too. loads of privacy, easy to patch up with hubby, independent life style, and significant improvement in H&W relationship.

if you want this to happen, then you should take charge on everything. Don't expect anything extra from your husband.

 

dear op, i was in jf setup soon right fom the time got married till my son was an year old. i could never getalong with mil, as she wanted to run the home her way only. it took really long time for my dh to understand nf is the only option to maintain fair relationship.

 

as i was the one who intiated my husband showed his anger for few months. innever reacted to him at that time. he never used to help me doing hh chores unless insisted. avpided coming to my parents home. in occations also he never treated my parent fairly. i was silent for a year. when it continuefd, i told him i will follow ur behaviourand also did that few times. i never seeked my inlaws help to raise my son. i had to show him i can run the family in a better way. i took few years for him to understand. nw he is a good father and husband. nw he support me in all matters. hope this will be helpfull.

 

I haven't read your previous posts, and dont know your background. But here goes....

The only thing I read in your post about missing from a joint family is missing the help you might get with your kids.

SO, for sure, you are NOT going to miss anything. You can hire any number of maids to replace your "joint" family's help.

And NO, your DH is not a momma's boy. Momma's boys don't agree to a nuclear set up with their kid and pregnant wife. Give him some more credit.

 

Op...you need to plan everything very well.
Write down your strengths and weaknesses .Make plans to overcome those weaknesses.
The first few months,don't expect much help from husband.

1)You need to have a plan for your children.
Who will take care of them when you are at work?
How long will your maternity leave be?
Are your parents near by?
Can you leave your kids with them for sometime when you are at work?


2)How will you manage home and work since your husband may not be very helpful initially.
Check out the forum on how to manage your workload. There are some really good threads on how to make food efficiently and fast.Make a little recipe book and make a weekly menu plan. Also ,find some good home delivery options or some tiffin service ,for days when you are really drowning in work.
You will also need to find a maid quickly and train her.
I would suggest you take a really small house.It is easier to manage when you do not have much stuff (I am assuming you will have to buy everything )

3)You will need to buy household stuff for yourself. Buy stuff that make your life easier first....like fully automatic washing machine,microwave etc.TV etc can come later when you are well settled.Without a tv,husband may be more inclined to help.:-D

Most importantly....concentrate on getting work done....not on perfection .Perfection can come after you have been living separately for 10 years. Right now just aim for a functioning happy home.

Make it a habit to go out atleast once in a week with husband and kids. Even if it is just for grocery shopping followed by a meal outside.

Ignore husband when he is in 'off 'mood.....indulge him when he is in 'on' mood.
Appreciate every bit of help you get from him and appreciate when he spends and enjoys family time.Try not to let the topic of in laws bog you down.

Best Wishes Op.....you will have some busy times ahead...but you will eventually hve a happy home.
Cheers!:cheers

 

Its good if your In laws themselves want to go separate. Since you don't know when you will be shifting start saving for the new home. Prioritize the things you need to buy on an urgent and less urgent basis. Those things that can wait, buy slowly as and when you save for them. Have a budget, the first few months you will go out of budget doesn't matter. after a few months you will get a hang of it and you will find out ways to save money.

Your DH is angry, just let him be. don't say anything as of now. Don't expect any help as well. Hire a maid instead. prove it to him that you can manage a home.

Initially you will have a few hiccups but you will manage for sure. good luck