How tolerant are you?

Chitvish · May 4, 2009

Friends, my tolerance level was low when I was young. I did pay a price for it on many issues in life and gradually developed it as I grew up.

Tolerance is extolled as a virtue – I do not know, if it is! It is just showing respect to a point of view which is different from ours. Our opinions, practices may all be different, but our tolerance gives us the time and inclination to take a serious look at the other person’s point of view. We may or may not agree, but such tolerance opens our mind to look at things from different perspectives.
It essentially means showing respect to the other person’s mental processes.

We need to develop tolerance for the shortcomings and defects of others, whom we come across in life regularly. Very often, we are hurt by others for reasons best known to them but remain incomprehensible to us. Hurting others for no apparent reason is the habit with some, sadly. Is there anything we can do except shouting back at them, pleading innocence? But that can never be an effective remedy nor can it bring any solace to us. Silence can be a far more effective repartee in such circumstances.

At such times, remaining passive to unreasonable and unjustifiable hurt caused by others strengthens our mind. Gradually our mind becomes immune to all harmful effects directed against us and we achieve an indescribable inner peace.
BUT
If somebody’s activities appear harmful for the society or mankind at large, tolernce is best not practised. We must raise our voice as a responsible person of the society and should not remain silent.

Timidity shows our weakness
Tolerance shows our power.

By raising our voice, I do not mean, we should indulge in destroying public property etc. We must actively and verbally protest and take such steps which are within our resources and power.

Now coming from the macro level to the micro level! What prompted me to write this post is the tolerance practised by my friend’s husband. Yes, he put an end to my thought process that in general, women are more tolerant than men!
She lives in a dream world and thinks she is a special human being. She snaps at him for every small incident and pulls a long face for the most imaginary reason. For the slightest reason or after every argument, she runs out of the house shouting that she is going to commit suicide. Knowing exactly that she will plank herself in the car park, he goes, pacifies her and brings her back home. I call him, the “mount of patience and tolerance”. He says, he has understood her nature so well, that unless he practises tolerance, they cannot live together!!

In our married life , our ability lies in not creating or originating those circumstances which awaken the irritants in our spouse. We must remember that old habits and negative traits react more powerfully when confronted or criticised. At such times, tolerance only helps.

Be strict for yourself, but, tolerant for the shortcomings and defects of others – this is the valuable lesson, I have learnt by observing my friend!

Love,
Chithra.

iyerviji · May 4, 2009

Dear Chitra Madam

A very good post. Ya sometimes we have to be tolerant but some people take advantage of the tolerance and show their anger to the person who is tolerant. I am very tolerant person.

Men should be tolerant but only for some cases. If the wife nags him toomuch , he should have control over her and not tolerate with her.

In this present world you have to be very smart then only people respect us. When people experience then only they know others difficulties.

As u said silence is best in some cases. Simply letting out the words will only spoil our mood and the other person's. Some are very good in pointing out others mistakes with a smile on their face. They feel they dont hurt the other person. But it is not so.

Sorry I think I have written too much. Hope I have not bored you and written according to the topic you have given. I was also feeling hurt today with someone's behavious, so my feelings have come out.

I think I am the first fine to give fb today
love
viji

Padmini · May 4, 2009

dear chitra,
you have beautifully narrated the effcts of tolerance in different walks of life. you have clearly pointed the difference betwwen timid and tolerace. i just want to share a story here.Once a poisonous snake approached asaint and told him that nobody liked him. for that the saint replied " how can they be when you are beating everyone who comes near by?Be calm ahen they come near you". the days passed. One day the saint saw the snake with so many bruises and in avery critical condition. shocked by this the saint asked" how this happened?" . the snake replied"" i fallowed your advice." The saint laughed laughed and said" I told you not to bite . did I ever say not to make"hiss" sound when somebody comes near you with evil intension?". That is world.
But in your friend's case the man can atleast show his feelings in some manner. because sometimes "tolerance "is taken for granted. So the begining of the week started with anice thought penned by you.
with love
pad

archana.kc · May 4, 2009

Dear CV,

It is imperative that there is a person like you to voice out such things that show the value experience and age can impart. As a youngster, this post means a life's lesson to me. I have come across sitauations when I have lost my levels of tolerance and in the process lost many invaluable moments of this precious life. It is so true to say - that negativity gains when we confront. It is the best to ignore and still be aware of it. I am slowly trying to practise the art of "staying in peace" and it is working good, thanks to levels of tolerance that is newly being cultivated in me. Thanks again, for a timely post. I am really being hooked on to your vedanta forum now

Cheers

archana

Chitvish · May 4, 2009

This is one quality in which we have to draw a line, as to how far to go!
Vish is very tolerant ( a bit too much according to me ). I was much less, when young. But over the years, I realise, I have become more tolerant than before more for survival in society than by choice.
Bharathiyar's
அநீதியைக் கண்டால் பொங்கியெழு!
is not feasible under all circumstances in life.
We have to compulsorily follow
கண்டும் காணாமல் போவது!
choicelessly!

Love,
Chithra.

iyerviji;bt20078 said:

viji
Click to expand...

Chitvish · May 4, 2009

the right lesson! Even in marriage, compatibility is possible only if tolerance is practised from day one by both partners.
In our society, commitment to our spouse
helps us to develop tolerance.
Compromise and tolerance can create "magic" in life! - but can't help saying, far from easy!! :biggrin2:
Love,
Chithra.

swathi14 · May 4, 2009

Dear Chitra mam

Woman are born with tolerance. They are tolerating the delivery pain, the ill-treat at the husband's place, some politics in the office, gender biased approach and so on.

But in family, I think they cant do that properly. For silly matters they argue with MIL, fight with husband, beating their kids....

But, home is a place where love should be shown.

I will lose my temper on some occasions thou i wish to keep a cool tempo. I admire your friend's husband. If we have a person like him, the home will be a blessed one.

andal

Chitvish · May 4, 2009

Remember, I started like you with impatience & intolerance. But various experiences in life taught me that if developed assiduously, tolerance is a virtue (still I want to add, "rightful" tolerance!!)
if we can judge when to be & when not to be! If your tolerance is going to make others treat you like a doormat, then there is no point!! Discretion is of great importance.
Love,
Chithra.
I add this in the lighter vain, Arch! I always tell my friends that we are more tolerant of our maids (for the fear of their leaving us!) than of our in-laws!! :biggrin2:
Love,
Chithra.

archana.kc;bt20085 said:

archana
Click to expand...

Chitvish · May 4, 2009

that I am a feminist! I think our society has dinned into our general psyche that women are born with tolerance.
For your second para, the answer is "impatience" & giving vent to what we have tolerated against our basic instincts!!
My friend's husband is a rare person! Such examples are less common!
Love,
Chithra.

swathi14;bt20097 said:

andal
Click to expand...

muzna · May 4, 2009

A lovely blog on the most required trait in us...tolerance. You have shown it in so many lights and shades,
it is true that at times we do hurt others inadvertantly , as what we do is not tolerated by them..though we might be in the right. I've been through this..rather at this very moment there is a situation of this sort going on with an acquaintance. Just coz she is a senior she feel she can snub..and if I do not bow down...she is irritated. I'm in the tolerance phase..waiting to see when she is back to normal.
I too am feeling light after sharing and realising that I'm not the only one who undergoes this.