how to train to be mentally strong when partner is mistreating

hi Mirrorimage ..

i feel for you and somehow my life was exactly like yours few weeks back ..and this has happened to me on and off for last 2 years. i don't know what your full story is , but i know that feelings regardless.

Lesson i learned and advice i would like to give is DONT CARE ABOUT WHAT HE DOES OR SAYS TO YOU. Just ignore him if he says anything bad to you. Silent treatment , you give that back to him. Do your things, keep yourselves busy, do things that make you happy. He doesnt have to make you feel existed, who is he to make you feel bad. Once you ignore him , or stop seeking attention from him , he might change seeing change on you. Otherwise you will learn to live without his attention and love. Be Strong , don't depend on a man for your happiness , specially one who makes you feel bad.

 

If it is something you need to apologise for, by all means apologise. If it is something he thinks you need to apologise for, don't bend over backwards to please him. After an argument, do things to cheer yourself up. Go running, listen to music, read a book, even holding a pencil horizontally in your mouth is supposed to help (something to do with tricking your brain into flooding you with serotonin by triggering your smile muscles) once you have calmed down, take no notice of his tantrum. In other words, don't feed his bad behaviour with attention. Don't plead or reason with him. Move away as you would with My other unreasonable person.

You have to act normal for things to become normal. Use humour to wear him down. Comment on random stuff as if things were normal - the weather, the next meal, politics. If he doesn't answer, you could dramatically roll your eyes and tease him saying "oh! Cheer up!" Or say, "ah! I forgot we were fighting. Forget what I said about the sky looking beautiful."

Learn to recognise when anything starts getting out of hand and you feel the discussion escalating into an argument. As soon as this happens say, "let's back up, calm down and discuss it after dinner." It is important to isolate issues and not make it personal. If he makes a personal comment, state diplomatically, "there's no need to be rude." And refuse to engage with him when he is acting like an entitled spoilt child.

 

Hi,

Every women faces these kind of situation in life. But I have certainly benefited from this organization name Dada Bhagwan. you can go through the website. They teach a lot

 

Take ILT (instructor led training) from gh

update: i actually didnt notice gh posted already. Saw the thread title and thought gh ilt

 

Be true to yourself. That means, if you were wrong, immediately go for apology. Wait until he calms down to explain your mind in detail. Till then, take his reaction as a punishment for your mistakes. That will remind you and guide your before you commit the next mistake.

However, if the issue is none of your fault, then ignore. Don't give him any attention until he is back to normal.

I tell you this from my first hand experience. Not only just DH, but also my mom and one of my best friend used this kind of treatment on me whenever there is an issue between us.
They go to silent mode, keep the angry face and shouts at me whenever I try to seek their apology though many times the fault is clearly not mine.
I just can't withstand a silence from the other person. Even if they are slightly upset or angry, I would try to dig it further by my apology and reasoning.
The more I bend over backward, the more they behave rude and take my emotions for granted.

One fine day, I realized the need to become self dependent - specially emotionally via my younger sister.
Then I stopped begging for their pardon, ignored their silence or anger state. I lived my life as usual in front of them. I was so casual with others, and these people as well. Just that they seemed odd before others; thus they were made to give explanations to others for their state of minds.

The moment I stopped bending over backwards, I felt the change in everyone concerned to my life. They started to treat me with respect and love.

In fact, they have always loved me, but I just failed to get the respect what I wanted. You see, you should demand for respect.

 

@SGBV Well said ., "In fact, they have always loved me, but I just failed to get the respect what I wanted. You see, you should demand for respect"

is a vital point. We fail to understand this at the early stage of Marriage.

I wish to quote these words for all the Married Women.

 

This is quite an important point that we fail to recognize in the beginning of a marriage. They buy expensive stuffs, take us to doctors wen ever required and everything seems normal. And we consider that they love us and start adjusting with everything else. We forget that we deserve respect at the most.

This is one thing we should teach the girls who would be getting married soon.

 

Give him a taste of his own medicine.

Respect is more important than love.