How to tell my husband?

valliindia · Apr 19, 2010

I am a desi daughter in law in USA, My MIL is causing problems all the time .From 4 years she made my life a hell. My husband hardly supports me or listens to me. Even before I open my mouth to say something about my inlaws or their family members. He behaves or even says to shut my mouth .. he shouts and makes a big scene.

we r trying for pregnancy and last time when I became pregnant it ended in miscarriage. Now my MIL started crying on my impotency and expressing to her son how she is feeling extremely depressed because of how I couldn't bear him a child. And he feels naturally so sorry about his state and thinks his life is ruined because of me. He even say that on my face.

Last night when i was talking to her..she is saying in between words..when i said its loud and disturbing here..She said who is there to disturb you..I didn't get that expression. I was talking this and that and she then says to take her elderson's son and raise him.

I want to communicate to my husband that it is wrong to treat me like this. but I dont know how..Can you please help me how to deal in this situation,
U might think im crazy to bear this situation..the problem is my parents are less helpful to me. they don't even bother and can tell me to bear it. I am feeling so helpless and tortured. Can u please help me.

shrutidunwoody · Apr 19, 2010

Vali , i really felt bad reading your posts.In many forums i have seen atleast the parents supporting their daughters but in your case it is different. But please dont lose hope.Handle the situation bravely. First of all dont fight with your dh that his mother is wrong because that is going to make him against you. Try to have a good bond with your dh. I know in this situation, where you miscarried , your dh should have been supporting you , but he and his mother are blaming you for no reason. You please be strong dear. Talk to your dh and explain that misscarriage is not your fault. But people do conceive after that also. Tell him that you have nothing against his mother but her taunts disturbs you. Dont worry dear we all indus ladies people are there with you.

kma · Apr 19, 2010

Valli

I have not read all your posts, but have you been to a doctor? If not please once go for checkup with a gynec. Do this so that your husband also gets some idea about things. I do not know how long you have been married but I dont understand why your MIL is talking like that with you people?

Ignore your MIL's words and concentrate on TTC. People talk in different ways to hurt our self esteem. Sometimes keeping silent is the only thing we can do.

ShilpaMa · Apr 19, 2010

reduce talking to her.. thats the only solution if you cant digest what she says.
Be in your room, read books, do your hobby.. avoid common room where you and she can sit and strike a conversation thats going to hit you... you can remain in this temporary phase until you're successfull in carrying and deliver.

Yes DH are also v fragile in this phase as they're being told by their mom's that they're at a big loss if there's no baby into the family.. and v few have the maturity to behave matured & give a cover up to their wives. Finally all infertility issues are dumped as a ladies's fault in this society even when sperm can be equally non-cooperative.

Try finding reasons to remain happy, it shall help in TTC apart from medical assistance if required.

Foundlove · Apr 19, 2010

Dear,

Love and hugs to you.Please don't worry about all this.Things will happen at proper time.

About MIL: Ignore her.

About Dh: Get him involved in your life more.Maybe tell him that you decided to go to temple(or whatever religious place you go) every thursday (or any other day) so you get a chance to spend time with him ALONE.

About Miscarriage: Go to a doctor and take DH with you.Both yours and his doubts will be cleared.

Take Care.

FL