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How To Talk Non Stop Without Saying Anything

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by hermitcrab, Nov 25, 2020.

  1. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Ladies,
    I see so many ladies working out together. And they talk non stop.
    I am bumping into a neighbor during my walks and we then walk together. I don’t know when I will see her.
    But the thing that’s happening is that I am talking a lot (with mask on)- and later regret saying/ divulging few things. She is not particularly coaxing me to divulge anything. I talk, I later regret talking about. She did ask me some direct questions about immigration status, she is from India also and I am sure she knows a lot about me through community. But I just want to say- nothing specific about me. How do I do it. Do we talk about other common friends? I am worried about that. Do I talk about investments, cooking, recipes, what do I do. I like the company but being a neighbor... less talk is more. This discomfort may because I am trying to change myself. Earlier I was washing my dirty laundry at the community well, but now I decided I will wash them in my washer-dryer- only.

    Please give me some tips on “how to talk non stop without saying anything”
     
    Sreevidyaa and Thyagarajan like this.
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Just try to keep it general: talk about hobbies, travels, cooking, weather, classes etc. If someone asks too many personal questions then gently deflect to safer topics. Don’t talk about your family, kids, in-laws or other neighbors at all.
     
  3. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly my thought!
    Other people in Indian community or neighbors are absolutely no-no
    But seems like there's not enough 'neutral' material to talk about between us. Not talking is not an option because it is just unnatural for 2 ladies to walk without talking.

    I will have dig into my book shelf to talk about books- will do that.

    Anyone else adept in the art of not saying much while talking a lot- please give ideas.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  4. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    I started to do this- I talk about what I have cooked, planning to cook, recipes to try, or things that I can garden, or some unrelated issues that co-worker/ is facing.
    Or clothes, or share any interesting news and just talk about that.

    I have a boundary that I don't divulge from-I usually don't talk about family, money or husband with my friends.
     
  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    :roflmao:
     
  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Work(ing)out together vs walking together.

    I wonder why you mooted this idea of developing non-stop talking skill as a necessity to prevent a walking friend asking inconvenient questions. Even if someone manages to talk non stop in that situation, I shudder to think what the other party would think of such talker. Would it turn out that “the neighbour” convey to other neighbours that you were talking through hat labelling you as chatter box which may lead to undesirable effects.

    The question of non-stop talking while work out is ruled out as during work out one has to be focused and as they do they get breathlessness or panting.
    While walking together it is possible to talk non stop but the other may pretend listening and then not only vanish but would avoid meeting you in future but in that process you would lose her friendship.

    You choose some topic like movies song sequence, western dance or and Bharat Natyam, ballet dance and dance related words such as pirouette , body weight -maintenance -workout methods, some geometry, physics laws, mathematics formulae, quiz questions like why America* is called so, is it Columbus? Idea is to make the other person after some time engage in non stop talk about other trivial matters . Can you make four with in F(IV)E.

    Perhaps, you can state why Asha Bhosle is one of your favourite singers.
    So on and so forth....

    *How Did America Get Its Name? America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, the Italian explorer.

    Another trick to avoid answering her asking you direct personal or family matters, immediately she should be counter questioned. If she likes to know your spouse salary, you ask her the same question. Sometimes it is better to retort in a subtle manner asto why she needs to know answer for that particular question. Still better is to say openly that you don’t like to be asked personal questions or family related problems.

    A clerk was habitual late comer.
    I asked him on a particular day, why he was late?
    He dodged answering with a question, “am I late today, sir?”
    I told him he was late Daily. He softly said “ am I late today too, Sir”
    Like this he used to dodge answering by repeating my question .... but I learnt a new trick from him.

    An old friend of my son - in presence of my son - asked me “ how much pension are you getting sir?”
    My son was looking at me with eye brows lifted as I softly answered his friend!
    “What are you going to do with knowing my pension amount?”

    Neighbours are useful. But familiarly breeds contempt. Sometimes familiarity breeds attempt. So navigate your neighbour smartly. Wish you good Luck.

    Thanks and Regards.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2020
    hermitcrab and Rihana like this.
  7. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Sir,
    Thanks so much for answering to my post with such detail. Time is the best gift we can give someone, even if it is as answering a post on anonymous forum, in great detail. So, thanks much!

    Over the course of my life, I have realized that female friendships and acquaintances- have to talk to each other at great lengths of times. Friendships are formed only if one can talk and talk. Acquaintances are kept around only if we can talk. Rules of socialization, at any level- are different than that of our male counterparts.
    Have you ever heard- "she is a woman of few words"?!
    Other women will take offense if an acquaintance doesn't talk and friendships can't ever be formed. Now, the females- who are able to maintain long term friendships or quickly make female friends are adept at the fine art of "talking while not saying much" and I do not mean just making sounds like hmm..etc. They actually talk but it summarizes to nothing.
    One of ol-ol friend was into talking about third person (mostly female), this is an art too- how to pick that third person, where the second person will be interested but won't divulge the facts to the third person. This ol-ol friend is a 'people hoarder'- in a good way.
    I could never talk about third person- I will fall flat on my face.
    But if I talk about facts like- why America got it's name, or Machhupiccu had sacrifices-hmmm...I will be called nut job. This kind of talk is okay with males and in-between males. Does not fly in women get together.
    Asking a question for a question- is a great trick I learnt from husband. It irritates me to the core- and can only fly (consistently)- if the only thing on one's mind is to "dodge" the person infront. For example- if answering to authority- just dodge the question, say sorry if pressed for 5 real minutes- and then go sit with friends at the friends table. There still needs to be a friends table, to escape to.
    I know that there exists an art of talking and talking without saying much- but it is elusive.
    I want to learn that...till than I will talk about the plots of the fictions I read- they will give me the characters, circumstances, plots- all the things that women crave in their talks- without it being a third person's story.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2020
  8. netflx

    netflx Gold IL'ite

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    Very simple, (real) friendships cannot be formed with strategy or skills. If a friendship were to happen, it will happen a lot more naturally. Some sort of acquaintance perhaps can be formed with some strategy or skills, not sure even then any true acquaintance that way.
     
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:OMG - that is a wonderful take on my feedback. Delighted indeed.
    2. Just for curiosity, I wondered how come you picked up your pseudo name, a very unique one at that. Google search yielded several meanings of which one dictionary meaning is ....
    ...about hermits more often than you meet one, and that's because a hermit is someone who likes to be alone, far from people, sometimes because of their religious beliefs or maybe because they simply want some privacy.
    But ON THE CONTRARY, here in IL, I see you happily responding and contributing meaningfully and to the point.


    3.
    Agreed in toto.

    i had handled large in staff a huge government organisation defence and civil. Lady staffs huddle together and every one was trying to overpower others in talk and that involves invariably third person.

    With neighbours it happens often. In that context, I had stated familiarity breeds contempt and or attempt.


    But on a later date, one may have wrangle with third person due to gossip matter reaching the latter via second person.

    That is good idea especially with persons who read voraciously or and gather lots of information about happenings around through other friends, social networks including IL, media and movies.
     
  10. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    Don’t talk about personal things. Talk about general topics, news, movies or dramas or cooking recipes. It’s always better to avoid talking personal information or issues with anyone. Talk as you like but avoid certain topics. Give a few seconds pause before talking anything. With practice you will get better.
     
    Madhurima21 likes this.

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