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how to tackle this sil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by samyukthasharma, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Samyukta..
    Although its an old thread by you and I dont know whether your problem was solved or not but I felt like sharing my problem here too.
    I face a similar kind of problem.My SIL is also very selfish to the core like yours but my problem is much bigger.
    My SIL is a widow and she is totally dependent on us.As my DH and I are working in a different city,she is staying with her 2 kids and my MIL in a different city.
    My SIL also takes all the gifts from us,expects a lot from us(anyways we are only bearing all her expenses and she also doesnt work).MIL too supports her in all her huge demands and SIL demands all the things we buy for us:bonk.Her demands are never ending and ever increasing.This is causing a lot of financial and mental strain for us.DH and I have many arguments because of her but he doesnt understand their true nature.
    Whenever we visit them,I too have to work there a lot and MIL and SIL always expect me to be in kitchen and work,work and work while they keep on cribbing and crying over their deprivation and sufferings..I am a working woman and want to relax in the break but I always get over exhausted after visiting them..Thats why I feel it as a burden to go there and my BP shoots up even when I think of going there..My story can go on and on..:drowning
    Please tell me if you were successful in dealing with the problem and I'll also want the more experienced ILs to help me out with their words of wisdom..
     
  2. bhavatarini

    bhavatarini Silver IL'ite

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    Man! one sil is good enuf ! dealing with three is nightmare!
    None of us know to say no... thats why we are in trouble today. Please engage yourself in some useful things when you visit them.. if the work you are doing in sil's house is like cooking for you , your husband and kids then its ok .. you are doing little more cooking for sil and family .. anyway I am sure this visit is short! but try to say in indirect ways that you are doing everything and she is doing nothing , make her realise that . Also have your husband see all that you are doing.. next time try to fall sick :p when you are in sil's house.
     
  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Nobody can make you do something you don't want to. Just be clear on what exactly you will do and stick to it when you go to their house. The problem is that you have already been doing work in her house and therefore they are used to a certain pattern of behavior from you when you come to visit. You have to slowly get them used to the new you. They are not going through the pain of doing the work so they dont understand. Your sil is getting you to do all the work so she wont understand. And your h is sitting back and enjoying so he wont either.

    If you dont want to confront and tell clearly what is issue, you can develop some hand pain or shoulder pain that prevents you from doing strenuous kitchen work a good 3-6 months before your scheduled visit. Make sure everyone comes to know that now you cannot do all the work as before. At the time of ticket booking itself ie., well before you visit express your concern and sorrow to yuor husband that you will not be able to assist his sister as before. Act all concerned and worried like what will happen now. THen sit back and watch. All the new arrangements will be made by them only. Whether the hotel booking or the sister helping in kitchen all this will happen automatically. When you go there and see no food in kitchen then dont be silent and dont automatically do everything. Plan in advance so they know not to expect that you will automatically come back and do everything. Clearly tell your sil in the morning itself before you go out, will you make food today or shd we eat out. keep it very factual and polite. Make comments constantly like I cant do anything due to my condition what will happen, i am feeling very bad etc. create a fuss well in advance. Go to the point that they will start saying whats the big deal anyone can do it. If it goes to extent of having to eat out because of no food, then so be it. Only when your husband gets the pain of paying the bill 2-3 times will he realize and irritatedly ask his sister why cant you cook. Once he does that then only will the sitaution correct. Dont be silent and submissive.
    And above all do not do what you have usually been doing all these years.
     
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  4. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    hi dear,
    i think first of all u shud talk to ur husband on thois mattre clearly. putting all this infront of him. both the matters one of spending on ur SIL n second u working there.

    tell him clearly that it is not at all ok buying such costly things for them all the time n if he insists just tell him that u too want to buy for ur family the same things..see what he says then.

    second tell him to tell his sister to work n not u(just make him clr that if he dont want u to say no to him infront of all...u know male ego he will listen to u if u be firm n strong that u will actually do this if he dont listen to u) n u dont step in kitchen to do work n if some one asks u just say that its not ur house u r jst guests for some time n u dont feel comfortable n right to do work like this...kitchen is the place for the house lady..:) sweet sweet u know...

    thirdly sit at the tome of having food with ur kids n say i will feed them n start having urs also with them just place gud amount in the same plate feed kid n have urself also stating that u dont want to waste it...:)

    tell me if u follow these some solutions thatworked or not...i hope thy does..

    regds,
    mybaby1
     
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