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how to tackle this sil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by samyukthasharma, Jul 6, 2010.

  1. samyukthasharma

    samyukthasharma New IL'ite

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    hi friends
    i've 3 sils,they want everything but they 'll never give anything to me or my chilren.
    as usual,i got all costlygifts for them from here,we went after 4 years,and one of them (all the other two are not less) will make me do all the household work in her house , give food after everyone has finished including herself.but my husband never bothers to ask her.she's of my age ,but still she behaves with me like this,i have been seeing her for the past 10 years even then there's no change in her behaviour,she gets money as and when she wants from my husband.
    what's the solution for this?
    sammu
     
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  2. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    could you share some more details... These SILs are your husband's sisters?.. Are they married?.. How often do you go to India to meet them?.. Where are your in-laws?...

    Just say you are not keeping well, jet lag or some health problem.. Do as much as you can.. Dont over burden yourself..
    At what time does your husband have lunch/dinner.. Join him then, as in you can both eat in one plate.. The idea sounds outrageous, but works :D
     
  3. samyukthasharma

    samyukthasharma New IL'ite

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    dear riyal
    all the three of them are married with kids in india. inlaws are in a different place. whenever we visit her house( the one whom i mentioned) ,she 'll make me mad. she'll never get up from her place even for preparing food. even after i enter the kitchen,she'll not even show the basic courtesy of joining with me and sharing the work. this time i got really irritated,after a hectic shopping when i came back,she doesn even get up to offer a cup pf tea. after doing all the work,i feel really exhausted and all my hunger gets dried up. but my inlaws always support their 3 daughters.though all are well settled , they expect us to do more and more. i don't know how to make my hubby understand this and save something for future.
    i have 2 children. whenever we go outing ,it' ll be with full family . to be frank,i havenot gone to honey moon too. some how pulling on just for the sake of my children.
    all these sisters are younger to my husband,but the way they behave is something arrogant.
    now suggest me some measures.
     
  4. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Samyuktha,

    Even if it hurts or angers your husband, stop helping your SILs out to that extent. When we guests in somebody's house, we help them out so as not to burden them, but in your case, it seems you are the one taking the host's responsibility while the host is enjoying herself. Helping out PILs is one thing, because they are aged, but what is this issue of doing all the work in SIL's house? Are they kids or what even though they might be younger to you. It seems they are all taking you for granted. Heavens wont fall if you start saying NO to this and take a firm stand. Believe me, Anni's responsibilities dont stretch to that level.
     
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  5. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    Stop taking gifts for them and dont expect any from them. When you visit them, live in a Hotel instead of their house.
     
  6. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Oh God, this is too bad...
    How can she treat you like that? Mindless creature....

    why cant you just visit her for a few hours (say for half an hour or one hour ) and say that you or your husband has got some work and so you have to leave.

    Why do you stay for long hours in her house and give her chances to make you work for her?
     
  7. samyukthasharma

    samyukthasharma New IL'ite

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    dear tinku,tuliplady,kma,
    thanks for ur replies
    we can t stay in hotel dear, my husband wants to go to sister's house and sister wants me to work like a maid.
    i have to follow something and stop this. i don't know to say no
    that's the minus point.
    so she takes it for granted
     
  8. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I used to have a very close friend from Libya (native Muslim lady) and I always wondered how ladies in that society handled things. She had a very good husband and family, but culturally there were times her husband would think he should be making decisions and she didn't like what he was thinking. In those situations she would never say a word, never complain, never entreaty, never whine, but she had this hand gesture that when she used it he knew that she was not going to budge no matter what and when he saw that gesture he just gave up. I think that gesture kind of said beat me, kill me, do what you will I am not going to do it. (He was not a wife abuser btw.) From her I learned the value of silent stubbornness as a strategy. Why don't you try just being silently stubborn? Sometimes words get in the way of getting what you want. Just don't do it and let your husband and IL's know from your new stance you have had enough and just are not going to do it any more. No name calling, no fights, no anything....just stop. Bas. Bas bas.
     
  9. Peace777

    Peace777 Senior IL'ite

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    Samyuktha, I think the main root cause of this problem is you and your husband. Why would you go work in your SILs house when you are a guest? Why would wait to eat last when you are in your SILs house? The main problem with most of the women, including me, is that we dont open our mouth. Next time, ask SIL to serve food or cook food, and say you have to tend to your children or simply say you are tired or something. You shouldnt even need a reason. Just ask her to do it.
    About your husband giving sils money, if the sil is married it should be a no-no unless it is for desperate reasons. If the sils are unmarried there has to be a yearly budget that your husband shouldnt exceed and you both should agree to it.
    And ofcourse, stop taking costly gifts if you are being treated as a maid and not being reciprocated with basic respect.
     
  10. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    if i were you i will also sit beside her and watch TV.
    or go out in the evening, have dinner and come back for sleep.
    or simply let husband stay with them and i would go and stay with my parents. You need not to take their crap.

     
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