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How to tackle indifferent inlaws and emotionally dependent husband?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kma, Jul 9, 2012.

  1. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Though I dont wish to go into details , my inlaws have disappointed me severely this past week and I dont know what to do about them. Even though I noticed this from the beginning, still the way they ignore my husband is very difficult to digest for me. I too have siblings and I have never seen this with my own ppl maybe bcos my parents are very non interfering and helpful and do not discuss our private lives with other siblings too. My MIL on the other hand fits the narcissistic bill perfectly and spoils relationships between her own children. She has golden kids, earlier my BIL and now my SIL who can do no wrong and my husband is always the scape goat in this family. They do have love and affection for each other, for sure, but the basic thing is my husband should always listen to them, otherwise he is bad. I do not wish for my husband not to have relationship with them since he is attached to them but very difficult for me to put up with unreasonable behavior just to be in their good books. Pls suggest me how to manage them so my husband can have some family without losing my sanity or is it even possible?
     
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  2. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Guys,

    some slight improvement from them and I am relieved. I am sure my earlier post sounded gibberish, but I was emotionally very stressed.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    One good habit my husband and I've followed in our married life has been that we never interfere in each other's relationship with parents/siblings. To the point that we don't offer unsolicited comments. The good habit started off by chance - we didn't know each other's families before marriage and after that minimal interaction.

    If I have any issue with my family, I know he is there for me, and I have his unconditonal support, but he will not voluntarily poke his nose and try to help me. And same from my side for him too - I never comment or advice him on his interactions with his family.

    I dare say this can be a golden rule for peace in husband-wife relationship - do not interfere in spouse's interactions with his/her parents/siblings. Be there for spouse, offer support, but otherwise stay out.

    Blood is blood. The dynamics in their relationship are the result of 20 plus years of growing up and sharing family ties. We are still newcomers, and in our well-meaning attempt to fix what's often not even broken, we end up hurting our own relationship with spouse.
     
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  4. RajSai

    RajSai Platinum IL'ite

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    Rihana,
    Just a word of thanks is not enough to appreciate your advice. Every week my DH calls his mom. Sometimes the conversation is just sharing of info. More often it is full of cribbings. My DH will always support his people only; even if they do things that he does not like. Today was another such day. After the phone call, he never spoke to me at all. It happens always. If he is sad, he prefers not to talk with me. I have lost my parents and I do not have anyone else. I was unable to bear it and was searching in IL to read the solutions suggested to other ladies. Since my DH is a nice person, i did not want to complain about him. But I felt very lonely and painful. Luckily I got to read your post now.
    I will take a vow not to interfere in his family relationships. Previously, I used to get irritated and give some comments about his people for always cribbing on all silly things. As you said, that spoiled our relationship for days, as he does not like me talking bad about his mom / brother / brother's wife.
    Nice of you to give such a practical solution.....also a peaceful one. I would like to follow this.....
     
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