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How To Stay In A Home Where No One Likes You

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sani12, Jul 26, 2018.

  1. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Have been married for just over 1 year. I live with DH, MIL, FIL - none of them like me. DH is not much interested in me, he barely talks to me, just works, is on the computer and mobile. At times, when he feels he has been quiet for a long time, will just ask me - and what else? how is office? Thats it. Spending time going outside on weekends means go out for 1-2 hours and after that, its a constant bicker of 'lets go home' !! What is the rush to go home!!! He is not even interested in physical intimacy. We are intimate barely once in 6 weeks. And this is just the beginning of our marriage, what will happen in the future !! When i try and talk to him , he just has one thing to 'things will be alright, dont worry'. Also, he is just overprotected by his parents, who literally do everything for him, laying out clothes for him, getting his clothes ironed, buying things like razors n soaps n computer spare parts for him. He doesn't do anything for himself - i am fiercely independent and like to do everything myself. When i told hubby about why is is being pampered by parents so much, he just says - they are parents and thats what they do. i argued and said why so much dependency on them? he says - its their nature. I disagree - you are a man, stand up for yoruself !!
    MIL won't let me do any house work or chores - she doesn't like my cooking and is constantly interfering in anything i do. She doesn't want me to make either breakfast or lunch or dinner - when i say let me do, she will say no *I* will do it. if you want you make only for yourself. She doesnt like how i wash clothes, she doesnt like how i keep my cupboard, or my room. Just constantly criticises my family, my looks or anything that she can think so. FIL just runs around the pallu of MIL and keeps talking about how much they have struggled and how much MIL has done for the family !!
    I get absolutely bored and don't know what to do or how to behave at home. Because of this i leave the house for work early in the morning, and come back late at night , just to have dinner and sleep. I have taken up weekend hobby classes and meet my friends or go out alone on weekends. If i am home , i have no one to talk to or nothing to do. What should i do to change things around here? Why did i get married here. Needless to say this was an arranged marriage. This is just an arrangement.
     
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  2. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Dont worry about the MIL FIL disliking you. It is like that every where and your case is no exception. So do not KEEP any expectations on that. It is quite natural and Please shed off the expectation that your MIL nd FIL will consider you like their daughter and love you.. Just do some drama there so taht there are no fights. IT is OK to be artificial there.. Dont worry about It..Just ensure fights are not there...

    Just read other posts here where the DIL is made to do all the work , apart from office work. Dont you think this is better than that.. Instead of doing all the households, Just enjoy and do some help namesake to project in front of others...If she is not letting you do anything, It is not your fault.. But Just keep on offering you will do (Pray she does not accept your offer ...else if will turn out difficult for you to do office and household work both....)

    You really need to work on your relationship with your DH. He is unware of how to treat his wife.. Things will not change overnight .. Dnt pick up fights , TRy to convey without any fights.. It is been just 1 year ...so things will change...Dnt be in despair ...
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2018
  3. anitalovesyou

    anitalovesyou Silver IL'ite

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    Is dowry, your looks(since you have mentioned it), your education or job involved in this scenario to make things like this ? There has to be some reason for this behavior. Not that I am justifying it, but I don’t know why I have a hunch that there is some reason. Your MIL might be feeling insecure by your presence, and might be feeling that her son will love you more than her. As for your husband, I have no words ! Who loses interest in the very first year of married life ??? Seems like a very boring person to me
     
  4. charanya147

    charanya147 Silver IL'ite

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    Omg.......just replica of my life. .....
    Over protective parents, always talking about MIL sacrifice by fil......ditto......my life is mirror image of urs...
     
  5. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    How do u manage? Do you like with in laws?
     
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  6. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dowry is not involved as our community doesn't believe in dowry. Looks - I think i am fine looking, above average for sure !! I am fair and on the slimmer side. I'm not tall and have skin issues once in a while - nothing too noticeable but a few marks here and there. Education - not at all. I'm v well educated, and job is also fine. I don't know if there HAS to be a reason, the word 'daughter in law' itself is so negative to in laws, i feel - that they have a preconceived notion that all DILs are bad.
     
  7. Sani12

    Sani12 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for your advice, will try and follow it
     
  8. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    go to a marriage counsellor. Dh needs some good advice from a Counsellor professional on how to deal /behave with married life . If you advice he will not listen. Seems he is used to take instructions only from his parents all these years. BUt to take him there without hurting the ego is a challenge. Better if the parents are also not aware of this .
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think main issue is with ur husband . As for inlaws , dont have so much expectation . It's not uncommon that they will dislike u , just do ur duty and take care of them . After many years they will change.

    As for husband , you have to communicate with him that you have serious issues with his lack of interest . And pls don't let MIL stop you from cooking . It's a great pleasure to cook for our spouse . I love to cook new dishes for husband . U also try to cook in the weekends , and ask husband to try it . It will bring u closer to ur husband for sure . I know as a working woman u can't take on full time cooking etc but doing it once in a while on some weekends and some holidays , cooking some special dishes especially for ur husband will make a big difference.
    If he is over protected by parents don't worry about it unless it's affecting u . They are showing their love . U are unecessarily focusing on that. In love marriage we have a say in chosiing the person whose values match with us (independent etc ). In arranged marriage , instead you have to compromise a little to match his values and vice versa . You also try to pamper him sometimes when you have time , maybe that's important to him .
     
  10. charanya147

    charanya147 Silver IL'ite

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    Ignore ignore ignore.......thats the mantra im chanting everyday........who are they to love me.......i love myself. ......atleast you have a job.....concentrate on your career.....grow well......be happy with kids or plan for kids.....divert ur thoughts on them...... iam 100 percent sure they will never and ever change in the lifetime. .......its waste of time in pleasing them...,if you try to please them,they will surely backbite you. .....at any cost please don't leave your job.....thats the only advice i will give you. .......you have to know a thing.....they hate daughter in laws.....not you .....even if it was some other person in ur place they will show their attitude someway or the other.........NEVER EVER TRY TO CHANGE THEM, IT WILL BE IN VAIN ONLY. .....
     
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