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How to respond to this dramatic person?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mitra2009, Jun 29, 2010.

  1. mitra2009

    mitra2009 New IL'ite

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    My mil responds only to what is being asked.She responds in one word syllables or has a very brief conversation with me.She complains to my husband that it is I who does not talk properly.
    I find this indifferent and this seems to be the cause of argument between us a couple.
    I do not understand because it is always me who initiates a conversation and talks more.There are long moments of silence between our conversation which I hate and I am always the first one to break that.How do I respond to her and how to prove to my husband that she does selective communication
    (i.e, she talks only if she wants to?)
    I've taken this up with my spouse but he supports her behavior saying she is worried about one issue or another.Does a person has to be constantly in worry?On the other hand she talks and makes lot of jokes with her son at the same time.How to deal with her and make things better for me? As ultimately I end up being the goofy which I do not want to be?
    She calls up everyday to find out what we are doing, which I find very annoying.How do I handle this?PLEASE HELP...
    Many times from the tone of her voice I can almost feel her jealously spilling over.She definitely does not like me but before her son she pretends to be very kind.There have been many occasions where she proves her manipulative nature.If she were someone else I would not continue a relationship , but in this case she is someone I can't avoid.
    She also visited a person like a guru and performs weird night prayers to have me under her control.
    When I found this out, she said she is doing for my 'good'???? I don't have a good feeling about this.
    The end result I never will trust her again.
    But I really need to know the right way to behave with her and solid tips on how to speak with her.
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Mitra

    Talk to your MIL with your speaker phone on. And ensure you talk to her when your husband is around. Yes deliberately call your MIL ONLYwhen your husband is at home and then talk to her. Am sure anyways during morning timing in USA its evening/night in India, so Follow this . And when ever you talk to her, be yourself, be nice, talkative and let her respond as she wants to.

    Dont show your anger or dont get defensive when your husband asks questions on how did you talk to his mom. Just say I thought I talked to her like a chatterbox and bothered her too much. Oh nice of her sure, next time I would talk more. That would bring down the fights b/w you and your husband.

    Here the point is when you know you are fighting about a 3rd person who dont even live with you physically, you have to just handle it with some tact and patience rather than angry and defensive.

    Reg. your MIL doing some prayers etc, come on, Let her do what she wants to. You be strong, nice and pray to god. That should be enough.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2010
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Mitra, next time your DH mentions the same, ask her .. ok suggest how best to communicate with her & what topics interest her... when there's a wavelength mismatch what other person speaks is really not meaningful.

    Also realise that quite a few ladies cant treat anyone else's child/parent with the same feeling and devotion as they do it for their child/parent. So give her the benefit of doubt. Plain and simple she doesn't enjoy talking to you but loves to shift the balme to you for not an interactive / proper communication.

    Is it so important to make attempts to please people who've chosen to remain unhappy? Whats the guarantee if you fix this there wont be another?
     
  4. seekingpeace

    seekingpeace Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    As SriVidya75 said, speak with speaker phone on or if you have a mobile phone, pls record your conversation with her when DH is not around and show it to DH later...have atleast 3-4 conversations to prove ur point..

    this is what am planning to do to prove abt my MIL's double games!!
     
  5. mitra2009

    mitra2009 New IL'ite

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    Thank you Srividya

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2010

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