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How To Remain Calm And Peaceful.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by paru123, Aug 30, 2021.

  1. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Please could you guide how to silent the troubled mind.

    An unexpected tragedy has happened in the family which has left everyone shocked and sad. There are some relatives who cried with us on hearing it. However there are some who consoled my parents but deep in my heart I know they are just least bothered as they have been always competing and wanting to see us fall. And there are some who just got a good topic to discuss amongst each other, without having a single bit of sadness for whatever has happened.
    My parents in their 70s dont understand their cunningness, or even if they understand they dont care as they feel good to talk to them. On the contrary, my blood boils as soon as I get to know what was their reaction/comment was. I have heard them many times do this with other relatives, so know their cunning nature very well.

    Dont understand how my parents are being so cool, even though I know deep in their heart they are broken. But they are calm and composed. I feel sad and broken about the occurence of tragedy and more so when I hear the useless relatives comment. How to stay calm. They never consoled me and I know very well they dont wish well for our family.
    What to do?? Please help.
    TIA.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Your parents are used to those relatives.My mom was...I could not and suffered like you did.
    The previous generation had way more tolerance than us which infact was uneccessary.

    some Relatives and certain people love to see people fall coz it makes them feel better about themselves.Some Ego boost as those they are better.

    However,Understanding and being aware is a big step.

    Do not give unsolicited info to these relatives and just answer with very little information.

    Keep a distance until you heal.You and your parents emotional health is very important now.

    Atleast you got to see the true face of these people.

    Keep doing what you need to do in this situation and do not cave in no matter what.

    It will hurt a lot first but trust me..you will come out stronger than before.Time heals.Life is not the same always.

    All will be well.
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe your parents have seen more life and have realized that relatives come in a wide variety. They know that in such situations, some will be genuinely sorry with you and try to help in all ways that they can, some will be neutral, some will treat it as a good gossip topic, and a few sad ones may feel some satisfaction.

    You could try to tell yourself that if you spend mental time and energy on such relatives and keep letting your blood boil over their comments then you will have less energy left for dealing with your own grief and more importantly, helping your parents manage their sorrow.

    Your parents may appear to be composed and calm but inside it must be tough for them. If you are mentally distracted and constantly brooding on your relatives, you will not be able to talk quietly and from the heart with your parents. You might miss tiny signals from your parents about the ways in which you can help them.

    Try to remind yourself again and again that being preoccupied with the relatives means there is less of you and your time available to your parents who are in their 70's.
     
    paru123, Amica, Laks09 and 1 other person like this.
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    I am inclined to endorse the views/suggestion above of @anika987 & @Rihana .
    With the passage of time, things get squared up.

    It is difficult to exercise control over others upfront. Green eyed monsters would rejoice if you react or even respond. Best course is to avoid to the extent possible and should never waste words with them. If they pretend you too can!

    If you boil you would accumulate cortisol. Do not allow the mind to generate anger against them. It can only deteriorate your health. Any skirmishes or bickering between you and such others, can even disturb your parents too leading to their getting depressed.

    Just have a tall glass of water and offer to others who cause this distress to you.
    God Bless @paru123
     
  5. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Anika987, Yes, u are right, my parents know them long before me and also elderly people have lots of tolerance. They got wiser n mature with age so they are able to ignore the hidden taunts.
     
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  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    [QUOTE="Rihana, post: 4223155, member:

    You could try to tell yourself that if you spend mental time and energy on such relatives and keep letting your blood boil over their comments then you will have less energy left for dealing with your own grief and more importantly, helping your parents manage their sorrow.
    .[/QUOTE]
    That is what is happening. Part of me wants to ignore the relatives comments, while at times I feel to question them as to how they make such baseless comments. Relatives know us well and still they use the opportunity to hurt us more when we are at the lowest.
     
  7. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Sir for understanding the situation. Really difficult to gulp down the comments and not the right time also to keep questioning the logic of others in such situations. Some people just link up all the past incidents and keep commenting without knowing the full story.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.

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