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How To Reduce Duration Of In Laws Visit?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jan 21, 2021.

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  1. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Dear @Needtobestrong , can you try to meditate for atleast 5 minutes a day? This will help you relax and you will be able to think more rationally... the house need not always be tidy, you need a break too. Try to figure out ways to make sure your mil can do the laundry for themselves. If possible, cook minimal dishes, which are not very palatable.. this does sound bad for a nice person, but your ILs don't deserve any better. No matter what, don't complain about your ILs before your husband. Try to get him into confidence, which is by no means easy. Just like how mil tries to manipulate him, you can do the same in a nice way.. and try to take your kids to a park for a few minutes, this will help you de-stress and bond with your kids. Most importantly, respect yourself. You are doing an amazing job, you definitely deserve your pampering. Feel good about yourself. You can see how other's perspective will change. Hugs to you
     
  2. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh yes! U read my mind...I wanted to watch that movie just so I could empathize with the heroine.. I just didnt have time to watch it till now.
     
  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes you're right. Due to covid many of my known maids have moved out of my locality. Im checking with known neighbours and Hope to find suitable person soon.
     
    MalStrom likes this.
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes I'm trying meditation ..it gave me temporary peace of mind but only until the next issue came up.. problem is that in laws always want to make elaborate meal plans, I only like to cook minimal simple dishes and they're just not satisfied with it. Even if MIL cooks soem elaborate dish she expects me to do half the work and do full clean up after that. Which is equally tiresome...FIL is the kind of person who always wants to eat variety of dishes..someday we make Sambhar or dal he will ask...today also sambhar ? With that kind of expression. Even if they're aging and need to be careful about diet and exercise they will not cut down...even my husband has taken after them and doesnt want to adjust much...if I was working and earning well I would have had freedom to arrange a good cook but that's not the case now...
     
  5. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    So sad to hear this. Aging inlaws should have some shame that they are just gonna live few years and might as well need your care in their last days. Alas, 99% inlaws never realise this and just make hell for the dil with husbands not being supportive or even if they support they cant go against parents!.
    I wish the day comes when both wife and husband post marriage just live by themselves as natural rule than stay with any of the set of parents!
    Yes parents need care and love in their old age but not at the cost of peace and happiness of the young couple.
    Staying far but on cordial terms is much better than staying under same roof and getting cursed silently.


    Dear OP, for you, only option is put your foot down and start saying NO to their demands. What can they do? Tag you as bad DIL? So be it! Are they crowning you as best DIL for doing all the cooking as per their demands? No right?. Why bother?
    Few days they will whine, cry, complain to your dh...etc ...let the drama happen. Don't raise voice or complain about them or counter their attack, just behave ignorant and go about doing the minimal work you can and say this is all you can do sorry.

    After a month or so, they will get tired of complaining and understand that its not affecting you anymore so they will either adjust to your work or they will do the required work.

    There is no other way my dear
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    YEs true..my FIL has some health issues and for many days he was just sitting in bed taking rest..I was overworked as all were busy attending to him...I did not get any help.
    But during an argument he was saying that I’m not taking initiative to do any work...I was so frustrated and irritated ..I was filled with hatred with him...I listed out all tasks I’m doing throughout the day, they were saying what’s all the big deal, in our time we didn’t have maids and we ourselves managed all household work , we did this and more and didn’t have support. I’m fed up.many days I’m filled with hatred and feel resentful.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Good idea. One day accidentally add extra salt, one day forget the salt, put extra chilly powder, less tamarind, more tamarind, undercook vegetables, make lots of karela subzi......
     
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  8. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Delegate all your work. Cooking task to Mil, washing utensils to Fil, mop n sweep, clothes related to
    husband and involve kids to bring or clear anything on or to dining table. Talk nicely to in laws. Help mil in cooking. Ask fil to cut vegetables. Decidenone day before the menu for the next day. Go for a long walk daily and dont talk to other ladies in your society who makes you compare your life with them. Take in laws help in making your kids eat food on time or request them to play with the kids. Teach your hus to make tea and tell him to wash the vessels also after that. You become the manager of the house. Keep enough supplies of fruits, nuts, buscuits other bakery items for kids n inlaws to munch on when they get tired or hungry. As long as in laws are there in the house you behave like you are the guest of the house.

    Previous generations have worked very hard during their young days and even now they can manage many things on theie own. Current generation people cannot be equal to them. We cannot work like them because we get tired even before we start. They had so much of peace, no disturbances which is not possible for this generation with so much of advancement in technology n social media.

    Find time for yourself. Right now it is not safe to keep maid for help. All this hardship will be there only for few more months. Listen to music and don't stressa lot yourself regarding the housework. Decide how much time you can spent in kitchen each day and stick to it. Talk sweetly to your inlaws and husband. Good luck to you.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Of it was possible to delegate work it will be nice..but MIL is not ready to cook, FIL wants to eat and sleep...they want me to do house cleaning and cooking, mopping, washing toilets everything and even they're not interested in doing childcare...my husband too believes they're right and I should do everything and not take any help from them...I'm filled with hatred for my in laws...my husband had changed a lot and became different person ever since they came here for long duration...I hate my in laws so much .
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    @Needtobestrong going to be blunt here, you seem to be stuck in the same situation for years. If you are looking for a real solution, look deeper within your pysche to understand why you cant stand up for yourself. Most probably the way you have been raised ,you have been ingrained to believe that you need to be a dutiful wife, and daughter in law and you must keep domestic peace at all costs. If you continue this path , you are headed for a life where at the end you will have no sense of accomplishment.Freedom is an important part of life, and looks like you have little freedom to do what you want to do. Speak up for yourself. Call a family meeting , divide the chores, make it clear to everyone that they need to step up, and you will not do everything by yourself. Please dont list excuses why this wont work, if you are , then i am sorry , you need to fix your self esteem and self respect first.
     
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