How to react to your husband's emotional affair?

hi,
ur friend should have confronted the husband .he is the one who is spoiling life of a girl & ur friend (& kids).whether emotional or physical extra maritial affair is never justified.the wrong thing is wrong whatever excuse one gives.
if the girl is not attending phone of the husband then she may have realised her mistake or maybe trying to make the husband miss her & hence take a stand.
i feel ur friend should involve some trusted elder person & make the husband see sense.

pragati

 

Hi Sakhee,

I had a little bit of a hard time understanding your post, but from what I understand you said you have a friend and her husband is "emotionally involved" with another woman.

First thing is, your friend needs to demand that her husband break off all contact with this girl. No more phone calls, no more visits. Even if this other girl were to be just a friend, the fact that it's causing so much tension in the married life is cause enough to end the friendship.

After the contact is broken, your friend then needs to find out why her husband strayed in the first place. Why did he feel the need to get emotional fulfillment from another woman? I have read numerous times that the main reason a man has an affair is for the emotional attention, not the physical stuff.

With that being said, it would be beneficial for your friend and her husband to have a heart to heart talk and discuss the situation. Your friend should make it clear that both emotional and physical infidelity are unacceptable and that it can never happen again. Your friend should also listen to what her husband is saying and try to meet his needs in the future. A happy marriage takes work from both sides.

About the phone clicking off... I think it's pretty clear, right? The other girl knows what is going on and is feeling guilty to be confronted. Just leave it. Your friend needs to fix the problem one-on-one with her husband. If it wasn't that girl, it would have been another. So best is to fix the problem from the source and forget about the rest.

 

Your friend's husband maybe feeling young thru interacting with that girl.The wife shud confront the girl in question head on in person. Does your friend have the address of the girl. If she doesnt she shud find it and meet her.The girl must be having some close friends or family. The wife shud involve them and try to see if the girl can see sense.
Also she shud mention this to her husband's close friends who can be trusted . This way they can counsel the husband to stop this. Good Luck.

 

Hi ,
As a person who has gone through the same thing couple of years before , I would like to say this. Lot of times both a husband and a wife meet different people and some could be very interesting personalities. One of the first reason the husband or wife fall for the other person is that a new conversation and continous exploration of the new friend is always very interesting when the current relationship has become stagnant and nothing to explore any more.

This is why it is important for both the husband and wife to keep them interesting in way finding new things to share with each other constantly. Living together is different from sharing your life together. First start doing for things yourself that is new for the other partner so that you have something to talk about.

Luckily I had the wisdom to realize this. I told him that I am very hurt by him spending more time with the other person. And if he thinks that she is a amazing person then I would love to meet her. We ended up inviting her to our house and indeed she is a very nice person. Both our families are very good friends now. And Like my husband I too have become friends with her.

Both me and husband learnt that its important to have things to share between each other . Constant exploration of each other and sharing is very important in a relationship.

Get a icecream hold your partners hand and walk sharing funny jokes. People in the street thing that you are newly weds.

Thats the key. Think about it.

 

Hi,
I would seriously advice against talking to his friends about this and trying to make some sense. Its ugly. He would lose face with his friends. This jeopardizes all the chance of living with the husband. How can the husband live with the person who has ruined his reputation.

Do not drive him to turn this thing into a real affair by pushing it and driving him nuts.

Please do think about it before doing this.

 

I agree to the the last but second post..

You say, this gentleman has been " emotionally involved " with another girl ?? But still " cares " for his wife ?? How can he be emotionally uninvolved with his wife and still care for her ?? Or is it that, he can handle two women at a time ??

Now, what is your friend's problem ?? Why that girl cut the call ? Or that her husband is " stressed " because the " emotional involvment " got disconnected ?? If it is even one of the above two reasons.. she is nuts.

This man should be whacked for looking at emotional involvement and living with that involvment outside his marriage !! Instead of confronting him, she calls that girl ?? and now is wondering why she cut the call ? She cut the call maybe because she saw sense !!

This husband of hers.. needs to first answer wether he wants to be emotionally involved outside or with his own wife ?? If, he wants to care for his wife only in the house and will live with another woman for emotions then, he could ! But minus this wife. He cannot have two woman to have fun with !!!

What happend to the emotions your friend and her husband shared ? WHy it got missing ? is she alright with him living like that ? When you said.. living for her did you mean he is alive for that girl or was living with that girl for 6 months ?? Whatever it is.. he can go ahead with that woman if he wishes to .. but shouldnt tag along your friend for society sake !!

Your friend looks like a safe bet for him.. on whom anytime he can get back if that emotional involvement stops or if someone asks who is the wife ! Does she want to be his wife for just the name ?? Or she wants to live with him as one ?? She better think hard ..
He wants your friend.. then he better start re-discovering the emotions missing in his marriage rather than callin up and finding it on the streets !!

Such people should be kicked and ripped in public !! God !!!

 

SAKHEE;
WHAT DO U MEAN BY EMOTIONAL AFFAIR???
I MEAN, HOW DIFFERENT IS AN "AFFAIR" FROM AN "EMOTIONAL AFFAIR"?

- NITHA

Preethi.. I too hold the very same opinion.

 

hi,

do not know till what extent the affair has gone, if your friend is wanting to give a chance to her dh, let her make sure her dh and the other women have no contact what so ever ,and also she needs to clarify what and why such thing happened in the first place.

regards
vandannav