How To Proceed With Friend's Family?

Thyagarajan · Jun 4, 2023

Deleted

anayasree · Dec 16, 2024

Back with an update in need for further suggestions.

My husband convinced me to not to inform the wife (they both are good friends too) as he did not want to disturb their marital life. Husband and the guy were not in talking terms for close to 2 months, but slowly they started talking and in 6 months we were all meeting like nothing happened. I was okay with it as by this time my friend's husband has been avoiding talking to me ever since. I thought the problem is over.

But now everytime we meet, my husband has some problem with my dressing and criticizes me. It happens only when that guy is there in the get-together. He has never had a problem in my dressing in all these years of marriage. For example, recently when we met there were some pics/videos shared in our whatsapp group and in one of the videos my hip was exposed a bit which even I hadn't realized at that time. After watching the video, there was a big fight my husband started because he thinks I should be more careful how I dress up when this guy comes. @Rihana you predicted this kind of fight might happen and I regret so much I didnt listen to you. Before this incident, my husband was the chillest guy ever and has never said NO to any kind of dress I wear.

It has been more than 1.5 years since this happened, and we are still fighting here and there because of this. I feel like to save their marriage we made a big mistake and we are paying for it by fighting with ourselves. It might be too late now to go talk to my friend. I have tried talking to my husband, he agrees we should not be the ones fighting, but the next time any event happens with their family he has some problem with my dressing.

How do I proceed from here? I am so upset right now.

Divyasaravanan · Dec 16, 2024

Girl! Put your foot down and dont go to any get together or what so ever when that family is involved! Let your husband know that he can go if he wants to. Let him answer your friends on why you couldn't attend.
I just cannot fathom your husband's behavior, he wants to save his friend's marriage, but can fight with you for no mistake of yours!!
Remember one thing, friends are there to only make your life happy and easy. If some friends or their family are stressing you out, there is absolutely no need to hang on to them.

anayasree · Dec 16, 2024

Divyasaravanan said: ↑

Girl! Put your foot down and dont go to any get together or what so ever when that family is involved! Let your husband know that he can go if he wants to. Let him answer your friends on why you couldn't attend.
I just cannot fathom your husband's behavior, he wants to save his friend's marriage, but can fight with you for no mistake of yours!!
Remember one thing, friends are there to only make your life happy and easy. If some friends or their family are stressing you out, there is absolutely no need to hang on to them.
Click to expand...

They do not get invited to our house any more. But they do get invited to get-togethers happening at our friend's parties which we also go. You are right, I dont see any other way but to not attend the parties where they are invited. But you know what... I can come up with excuses as to why I cant attend them and soon it will become a new normal that I dont attend some parties. But at the end of all of this, I will be the one losing on all the party fun (I am usually one of those that enjoy them the most dancing and all) for no fault of mine.

And that makes me so upset and angry that now I want to inform my friend what he did. Because once she knows, she will make sure we never ever meet again. That also means I will be bringing out stuff after 1.5 years and might make it more complicated.

Viswamitra · Dec 16, 2024

@anayasree,

How much can you go through to maintain a friendship? You are getting into arguments with your husband because of these discussions going on for nearly a year and half, you are unable to visit parties you get invited because your friend's family will be there, and so on. Why go through all these things? It doesn't matter what the guy told his wife, you should ask your husband to confront the guy in front of his wife, even if it is too late. You can achieve two things with this, one your husband will be relieved that he could not help you and two you have communicated the important information that your friends should know about her husband. If he is an offender once, he is repeating it with others as well. Your friend deserves to know the correct version of what happened. After that what she does is her prerogative. In the process of saving her marriage, you should not affect your married life. It is not worth sweating on this forever. Let them sweat on it as a couple as her husband is the offender.

anayasree · Dec 17, 2024

Hi Sir,

The last 2 lines is so true. I spoke to my friend last evening about the incident. She was both shocked and angry that I kept this from her for so long. She said she will deal with it. This morning I noticed she blocked me and my husband in both whatsapp and FB. I guess it is over now. Thanks a lot for your response Sir.