1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

how to prevent my husband from drinking?????

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rmakkar, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. rmakkar

    rmakkar Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    hi
    i was well aware when i got married that my husband drinks but then he just said he drinks ocassionally.
    but when i got married he sweet talked me and i allowed him to have drinks weekly though i felt irritated evry time he drank. i requested him to reduce it to 2 drinks but he never agreed.we had a big fight over it to and he rudely told me taht "when my mother doesnot have any problem than what is the problem with you" though his parents live else where.
    i was newly married then and i didnot say anything.but this december he went out for drinkks with his friends and didnot come home the whole night.he just smsed me that you know what police s on patrol so if i will drive i will be caught and all so i will come in the morning and had stayed at afriends place where they had the party.in the morning when he came back he was still not in his proper senses and it took him a day's time to normalise. though he severed upon me not to repeat such a thing(i know that was just a joke).i even told him i dont like such things and its bad for your health.
    once again afew day's back he told me that he has a party with hiss colleagues and i believed that official party should be attended and he promised he would be home by 9.but at around 9 when i called he didnot take my call.after about an hour he somehow took my call and i could make out that he is heavily drunk.he came home at about 11 ,someone had come to drop him as in he was in that bad a condition.i felt sooooo miserable for myself.i still took care of him and the next morning when he got up he was not eve able to recall what all happened last night who came home to drop him and all.
    i sat down and strictly told him to choose either me or alcohol as i would not bear drinks at my place.i had been so accomodating as no one at my place drinks but i still adjusted.that day he asked sorry and choose me over drinks.
    but yesterday again he wanted to discuss his drinks that i should allow him and he would maintain the promise this time.i was so upset how cana man still ask for such athing? i dont believe hi spromises any more he had promised earlier as well but all in vain.
    how do i handle sucha situation?help me
     
    Loading...

  2. Riya2012

    Riya2012 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    196
    Likes Received:
    47
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi rmakkar,

    I kinda understand what you are saying.My husband used to be a heavy alcoholic drunkard before marriage and it sometimes still takes toll.

    There was an instance where he was so drunk that he vommitted severely when he was back home. Not in proper senses there was no point in talking to him that time. So, i definitely can relate myself to what you just explained.
    However, after that night we had a serious discussion next morning to limit his alcohol intake not for myself but for ourselves and he has lived up to that promise so far(touchwood).

    But it still is tough to control him when he is in a party on his own. I have tried explaining him the after effects of over drinking/health hazards/ we being so so far from our people in a foregin land and how situation can worsen etc etc. It has worked thankfully but not to cent percent level.

    I can see yours is a more severe case. I would like to know if your husband is a frequent heavy drinker or occasional ? If he is occasional drinker you both can make a truce at healthy limit of not more than 2 pegs of drink in any party. If he is habitual heavy drinker, make a point to him that it can have a underlying health problem in long run and see a doctor.They can suggest ways to keep off drink to extreme extent. If your husband is not willing to go along, try talking to a doctor on your own to find a way out.

    Its very hard for habitual drinkers to keep off drinks and I have seen so many live examples in my life that it scares me like anything. Also, like you, we have no one into drinks in my side of family. So,your fight to accomodate with drinks/boozing is also understandable to me.

    Hope you get a solution to your problem soon.My best wishes are with you

    Riya.
     
  3. cutekid

    cutekid Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    594
    Likes Received:
    80
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    1.Let his family know.
    2.Take him to counselling
    3.Walk out for a while till he come to you and agrees to attend counselling.

    All the best.
     
  4. AS1982

    AS1982 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear rmakkar,

    I can understand in how bad situation you are in... If terms with your in-laws are good, then why dont you call his parents and tell about this habit while he is out... You can request them to come and stay for a months time and watch if it brings out any change... Any Parent will definitely care for their sons health atleast if not for the DIL's sake...
     
  5. rmakkar

    rmakkar Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    hi riya
    thanx for your prompt reply.though i am sad but atleast have found some support as i felt i am the only one who is facing such an issue.i really dont mind if he takes a drink or two at home or party not more than once a week,but he kind of always argues that he will take 3 drinks atleast.
    i have tried explaing the health hazards related to it as well and also narrated a story of my uncle who passed away as his lever got damaged because of drinking.but all he has to say is just have faith in me.but faith for what?would my belief in him not damage his body.........
    i even told him this time that if you would drink now i would leave but again he asked me to trust me once i dont want to atleast for drinks.plus i dont find any advantage in thisalcohol and now after these two incidents i hate it al the more.
    i even told my mother about it and she says your warning should work but dont actually come back home as then he would develop this habit that she would at the max. go back to her home and then would have to come back :-(((((
     
  6. rmakkar

    rmakkar Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    hi Asha S
    when i got married my MIL also narrated a simila incident to me and then quickly said that now its your responsibility to take care of him and that sucha thing doesnot happen again
    unfortunately they have been very rude with me since the begining so ther is no point in telling them and when ever we go to their place my MIL never stops nither my husban or my FIL from drinking she always says a big yes.which i know is just to prove that he is very modern in such things.its really disgusting.......
     
  7. rayana16

    rayana16 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    put some warm milk in chandi (silver) bowl and let it cool down then mix this milk with tea , coffe or any milk shake..


    this is what one astrologer come friend told me--i did it was frutiful but coudnt continue it
     
  8. rmakkar

    rmakkar Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    hi
    i dont share a cosy relation with my in-laws they are very rude towards me.
    his mother after my marrige narrated such an incident and quickly and cleverly added now its ur responsibility to take care and mend his ways.now if a problem would arise you woud be blaed by everyone and all.
    "counselling" is only possible dear if the person would agree that he has done it intentionally plusif he agrees that he wishes to control it needs medical help.
    yes i have warned him that i will walk out but where to?i can only go to my parents place.but i have seen earlier that how people around treat such cases blaming the girl entierly for the same,plus i cannot bother my parents.
    also i believe once if i will walk out i would not like to re-unite as instead of we 2 resloving the matter others would be sorting things out and i think marriage then would loose its sole.

     
  9. rmakkar

    rmakkar Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    thanx a lot rayana,if it really does work out i shall b grateful to you for my entire life.thanx once again
     
  10. rayana16

    rayana16 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    10
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    dear do this with full faith and be little patient--things will be good-----dont worry----start it on positive note----
    wat i realised was that though my dh didnt leave the habit of drinking(he drinks ocassioanllly with frnds but still i dont like it)but by this upaya god made such situations that he couldnt drink
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page