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How to persuade my wife to start working?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ajith, May 27, 2010.

  1. Vidya21

    Vidya21 Senior IL'ite

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    :bowdown

    Very well said! Staying at home, wanting to raise kids is just another choice, exactly like waking up, and choosing to be a lawyer or a doctor. Neither is less than the other, as long as the persons involved are happy.

    I wish more people, especially women, internalized this. It would lessen so much heartache, stress and guilt over being a woman and wanting it all.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010
  2. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Ajith,

    If your wife is not interested in taking up with Gyne work , why did she take up the tough exam first thing?Sorry to ask this,was it a pressure from you to take up that exam?If not then I do not understand why she does not want to continue her work.

    My reply might not be famous here.When women can have expectations on the hubby (here having a big house at Bay area etc..etc..) , the same way , the hubby will also have some expectations on his wife.And it is reasonable.I feel that she has to go to work if she needs a lavish life style.She is taking you for granted by not assessing the situation properly.If you do not have any problem in handling in the kids even after she goes to work,then I think there is no point in being a house wife particularly when she is a doc.I don't know about US , but in India even now Doctors have a special respect.

    If she is not comfortable as a Gyne, she can opt as a GP if it is allowed.

    Sit and talk with her nicely.Understand why she does not want to go to work and work on options.Somehow I feel that her friends , who are at home might also have added to her "No going to work" funda.Elders say that you are judged by the kind of friends surrounding you!
     
  3. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    1. 28% federal + 10% state = how much % of taxes ? I calculated at 70% take home pay of 150k.

    2. Uncle Sam only lets you deduct the interest you paid on the house. So with each year, the benefit provided by uncle sam goes down while your property taxes go up.

    3.You are also forgetting that when you sell your house, you have to pay 6% of the selling price to the realtor. So just to come out even (factoring in your so called uncle sam savings)your house needs to appreciate by atleast 4-5% year over year for you to make money on your home / investment.

    4. In the bay area, prices have dropped rather than gone up. So the capital gains savings is not applicable to home buyers in the bay area.

    Atleast 10 of my friends have bought houses 4-5 years prior , all averaging price tag of 800k. Most of those homes will not sell for more than 700k in the current market. Even in cupertino, the suburb with the best schools and highest home prices, the % of homes now available under the 1 million dollar mark has gone up significantly. My cousin bought a 1.2 million dollar home 3 years ago in cupertino. Last week, the exact same home next to him was on sale for 999k.

    So in 3 years, his house has lost 200k or 1/6th of it's value. If he decides to sell it he will have to shell out an additional 72k for the realtor. plus he spent money on maintenance/upkeep. so he's really out almost 300k or 25% of his investment if he sells now.

    Sorry Ajith I am distracting from the real purpose of your thread. But Sarma, my friend, you need to stop believing that buying a house is a good investment. In my opinion, it is better to rent a house rather than buy one in today's economy. If one spouse loses a job, or they have to move due to job, it gives you a lot more flexibility.

    you cannot make money on a house in the bay area today unless you live in it atleast 6-8 years and I don't know how many people today will be able to do so.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2010
  4. smart_soul

    smart_soul Bronze IL'ite

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    That is indeed a deep clear calculation posted here Pooja.. Kudos...
    Applaud the clarity....
     
  5. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    it depends on one's value system. Some value money, some value giving their child a fantastic childhood. Some value positions and show off, some value the cheer in the kid's face and don't wanna miss it even for a minute. Some value the material possessions and some value being there for their kids/spouse all the time.

    is it possible for a husband and wife have that kinda difference in their value system? Is it fair for all the rest of us to sing the virtues of materialism?

    Also, I don't think the OP's wife is doing any thing to stretch the family beyond what can be afforded in one pay check. if you read the posts earlier, OP is lamenting about stretching a little and missing out on small luxuries (not like your example of stretching to 200k on 100k means!). Even that phrase came out in defense of his position under query.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  6. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for bein' a friend!:)

    Having invested in several houses myself (incl cupertino), I can say this about business cycles and/or real estate cycles. At the bottom, everyone says it's all gloom and the economy is dead. At the top everyone says things are rosy. If any thing you should look at them in a contrarian way.

    Also, invest in them for the long term! Some 5 or 6 year stretches make them look bad in hind sight. Again it's up to one's risk taking capacity.

    I hear you!
    P.S. I did not go into answering your bullets one by one as it digresses the topic and futile here. Glad you have researched some. About bullet 3, do some research. You may find that RE is worth a lot more than that expectation (remember that the long term expectation on inflation is abt 3% in US and RE is most inflation proof! So your excpectation is really a 1% real return which RE can deliver rather easily in the long term!). I suggest looking up NAREIT site for long term RE performance. Though REITs are different from homes they are a good proxy.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Downsizing seems to be the best alternative if Ajith's wife wont work. So she needs to accept that tradeoff.
     
  8. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you, Vidya!

    Exactly. Fortunately I live among friends where this pressure to work is not there. In fact a few among our friends have quit their jobs after having kids. Now that the kids are going to high school they are re-entering the job market in a part time manner.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2010
  9. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    You are right, it is best to rent than buy in this economy....

    While listening on radio the foreclosure wave is still on and in fact some predict can deepen more...I dont think this is just another cycle and the recovery is just at the corner. Home prices were inflated by many factors and the bubble which took US down had real estate in the core..It is not right to estimate that a house which is under water for 200K will recover that amount in next few yeras. It may never happen.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2010
  10. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am just going to throw this out to everyone: I don't think that ANY woman/wife in USA can think she will NEVER have to work. It's just not a reality in this country. I am a bit biased on this topic as I have a friend whose wife is a doctor and when they emigrated to Canada she decided that she was not going to work. Apart for the morality of wasting a medical education when doctors are needed around the globe, she put her whole family in tremendous hardship. Apparently the only reason for her medical degree was to brag that she was a doctor. Apparently the only reason to marry a highest caste was to brag to her relatives. When it came to taking care of her family, she took care of her. Thirty years later her husband hated her like crazy. He had been put through the wringer because of her and her wishes for this and that without supporting him in very realistic way. When he finally moved out to live separately, she had to get off her lazy buttocks and finally used her degree. It would have made a totally different picture if she had done that thirty years earlier. Her idea of support to him was to sew him dress pants to wear to work at a government position so he could look like a village guy.

    As to the talk of OP wife not being able to stand the screaming in the delivery room, there is NO reason she has to even do OB. She can just do GYN and spend her days doing paps and birth control. Come on....9-5 and no weekends. Or she could work for a drug company. Or a health dept position. Or a medical services company. Or FDA. The list is LONG. To me she just sounds spoiled. Sorry to be blunt.

    Pmahensa has given very good financial picture although I will add a couple costs she has not given: you need at least $2000 a year for maintenance upkeep (this prorated longterm like new roof, new landscaping, painting of house, etc.) Also, on a mortgage (translated from the Latin this means death grip...for good reason) you do not even start to pay the principle for about 5 years. I don't see home ownership making much sense unless you can either pay outright or pay it off in ten years or less. If you own it outright, then you can live better for the same price as renting. If you need a thirty year mortgage to own a home, you have purchased above your true means.
     

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