how to overcome my problem and feel superior

rojarani · Jan 25, 2010

Hi IL friends,

This may sound stupid but i cant cook tastefully every meal. i want solutions from u all frnds to come out of my feelings.

to start with i'm completely around a bottleneck issues, u can read my previous posts then only u can help me i guess. and hour to hour issue is cooking.

i have to all household chores, with a 6 year son and OCD disorder husband and MIL about cleanliness.... around the clock i have to think and do all the things, its totally a jail and i'm a slave to all these things.

in my mothers house i never used to cook, as my mother used to keep the kitchen very messy(sorry to say about mother inspite of that my mom is too good) that i'm scared to go in kitchen, she used to do simple cooking with no masalas , if also very freshly done with lot of oily, with very very taste full. i thought cooking is so simple..

after marriage , my ils r complete freaks of home food, they r fromm other area so that i'm totally new to that food.. and ooh god they cook very correctly that the food should never get wasted even a spoon and they want everybody eat at same time sitting altogether...

i'm very very uncomfortable about the situation that who at end should eat less so that dh, or atta should eat fulfilled
and moreover in my house we used to eat whenever we wanted and ate stomachfully, here i'm very much against that they need food to be cooked correct quantity and everybody should eat stomachfull how can we calculate each persons stomach day to day

question may look silly but i feel so uncomfortable if someone doesnt eat wholly, and above alll

every time they eat they throw lot of negative comments like salt is more , next timei if i keep less salt is less,
over all they pass comments after every meal, if its tasty they never appreciate, if they do, they feel that i will be headstrong.... ooh god, do u know that i feel so infereior hearing their comments, that i want to run away from this house only for cooking, if something is wrong in cooking they make that day very inferior that i never show my face till next meal, if its good then i feel comfortable....

i talked to my dh so many times about this and got irritated, my dh tastes r different with my mil's

she makes me so inferrior and insults that she complains about my cooking to each and everybody in my family, i make myself very low that i couldnt make up to them , if anything i regret is there only 1 thing cooking, so they found as weak point for me and my mil insults me to hell even if its tasty sometimes..

after lot of thinking i came to a decision that i will cook as if it should be tasty if they find faults i dont want to take it granted..... becoz they r playing and insulting me in name of food..
if someother is there in my position no one will stay in this house due to all the reasons, u can read thru my posts.

do any of other frnds have complains about food issues,
i guess i'm the one like this.
how to overcome my thinking
i do jowahar bhakar which i learnt after marriag we dont know earlyy ooh god if i do chapathi with ready made flour its a big issue once, i shuould do chapathi's only after washing in water and dry it make it flour in flour mill, if not thats all, i should do mirchi in flour mill, if not its poisonous they say...
ooh no how many restrictions u know, i have to dry all the jowahra, dals in sun, all the time.. less oil less salt, sometimes want very spicy , sometimes less,, they change rules according how my sil cooks, whenever she goes there , after coming all the rules r chenged in our house

ooh GOD they r running me to peak..

anybody do u have any cooking issues with ur dh and inlaw,
how do u come out of it, how do u take it... how should i feel when they complaint me intentionally ...

thanks.

saipavani123 · Jan 25, 2010

hey roja
[justify][justify] i have very good friend by the same name. Rojarani . I seriously feel very bad for you. First of all not knowing how to cook is not biggest mistake of whole life. Its okay . Don't feel inferior about it. When you cook for your family cook with free mind free of tensions and stress. It takes years to become good cook( not for everyone of course). I am an above average cook aiming for becoming very good cook. I too wait for compliments from Hubby Dear about the taste. He doesnt give it every time though i make the dish (in my view) very tasty. I need to ask him. I sometimes get disheartened . But that doesn't matter . He gives me when required . I am fine with that . I really understand how much you feel disheartened when someone makes you inferior . [/justify]

The other day on sankranthi, i made garelu(wada). I was making them first time in my life. I generally don't deep fry much at home. we use very little oil and salt at home . So I was not confident in deep frying.(I am scared of oil spilling or splashing ). However i made garelu . They tasted good. But they were bit out of shape. My husband told me...gave me compliment..but he did mention about the shape too . They were oval, not circular etc. I know i made mistake in consistency of the dough . My boss made sudden visit to my home then. I fed him with garelu. He liked it and asked for more. But next day in office he made fun out of my garelu shape. I felt soooo inferior .I hated that. !!! I came and complained same to my Husband.

You know what he said !! . No one on this planet can make you feel inferior unless you allow them to . Their words or actions can't make you feel inferior unless you allow them to effect you. People can't disturb you . That made me feel better.

You are still young Roji (Sorry if you did not like it. that's how i call my very good friend) . You get good over time. But if you really want to take over your MIL. Slowly master the art of cooking ( of course if you are interested ). You can get better over time. One day you will be the best. But till then don't get disheartened. Tell me how many times u got scold from teachers/parents over the matter of becoming perfect or scoring good ? Compliment yourself Roji. You have got looots of patience and endurance which other members of your family don't have.
[/justify]

rosegirl · Jan 26, 2010

Cant you just get a job and escape from this madness. Or get a cook and take some rest.

Or everytime you finish your cooking, call your MIL and ask her to taste the final product and check for salt and spice. If she is ok, switch off the stove.

Then if anyone comments about food during meals time, coolly say that your MIL did the quality check and okayed it. Put the blame on her.

These old MIL want DIL to ask their acceptance, so just call her at the end and get her suggestion.

rojarani · Jan 28, 2010

rosegirl,

i tried it too, for 4 days, she saw, after she told that "i cant taste all the time, its irritating for me, u ahve to do that, "
if i do she will complain this that.... ooh no that woman .

she complains even that i added water to milk and gave her as i never mix water, she also knows that she always insist to mix but i never mixed, but she says that " i promise u mixed watre, its not ur parents money, why r u worried to give milk to me," ooh god she abused me a lot even parents too for no reason.. after that i stopped giving milk, she mixes herself, i guess now she has no reason to fight with me, again she started saying that" when ur there why should i mix , u r finding excuses, u have to mix coffee for me" i said yes, but after again 10 days yesterday she told thta " what did u mix in coffee i'm getting severe headache" give me milk not coffee , and asked, " did u use fresh milk or old milk" i know her very well so i said what i did" i used fresh packet now even yesterdays packet was there in fridge"

with this arrogant abusing women its becoming headache for everything.

should i answer back rashly???
which i never did till day....

saipavani123 · Jan 28, 2010

No don't answer back rashly. If you do that even your husband will leave your side as his mom may say bad things about you to him. But do talk back. Sorry for writing in telugu. I can change it if the moderator asks me to

Meeremanukuntunnaro dhairyanga cheppandi aameki. Answer ivvandi kani rash ga kadu. Strong ga. Serious ga. Meerem tappu cheyyaledu ani nirupinchandi. I know she defintetely will not approve. Kani mee point meeda meeru strong ga nilapadithe aame mimmalni eemi anaru.

shreya12345 · Jan 30, 2010

Hi Rojarani,
it is quite obvious that MILs consider themselves masters of cooking in frnt of their DILs...and this is pretty easy to explain...cos MILs have been cooking for years now whereas the DIL has just started experimenting. Most of the times people forget that a girl spends 20-25 yrs in studying and getting a job before her cooking skills r tested...people assume that a girl learns cooking, the moment she s born..:rant

Sadly, most MILs forget the fact that they ver also, once upon a time, beginners. Cooking is an art and it takes time and practice to perfect urself in ths art. So, for time being, just keep away all negative feelings and if ur MIL complains again abt ur cooking tell her very politely that u have not been cooking all these yrs ..ths s the first time u r cooking and time makes everyone perfect...no doubt abt that.

In my case, I m lucky enough in ths perspective...cos my MIL knew that i didnt knw cooking....so she always said that wot i make was good...even if it was nt worth putting in our mouth. But sometimes even she complains abt salt etc...but i just take it as an expert giving me guidance...

Learning new habits is always tough. So if u think that the new habits r going to be useful in ur future, vy nt pick it up....even if ur MIL is giving it?

Dnt get me wrong...I m just saying that be clever and utilise all the advices or resources u r getting. Cooking food at home and that too in a healthy way is a good thing and it will only do good to ur family and kids. So out of wotever ur MIL says, just pick up the useful things and throw all the garbage out of the other ear....

All the best for ur cooking skills:cheers
I am sure, One fine day, ur kids will be singing praises abt their mom's culinary skills