How To Manage Expenses When Family Visits You?

thanks for all your suggestions and replies. Now they all left. Just a vent now. I can not hold it anymore.

My mother and sister came with 2kg of sweets and some grocery items that I have asked them to bring. that too, at one point, my mother started telling she can not buy any more , already it s 70kg of items she has packed. I just wanted some green mangoes as this is season, but sensing her tone , I didnt tell her anything. they came with 15kg of luggage and half of items I have asked for.

My mother or sisters never bought any gift for me for past 12 years. When I asked, she would say, i am in high status, she can only afford a 2k saree. but I would only wear 5k saree. This is not true, they knew when I visited last time , I just bought 500rs sarees for myself. And i asked my mother, even in that case, cant you buy me a saree for 5k once a year? Reply was, what would we do if we buy for 5k and you dont like that saree..

So, this is the back groud. I took them to places, feed them nice food , mostly every day non veg. I paid for everything. Later comes the shopping part. They didn't bring anything to me or kids except 3 nighties for my DD. Now they want to buy presents for everybody in India.

We borrowed 1 Lakh from my mother a month back. And my mother doesnt know how to get foreign currency. so, she came empty handed. But she would have thought , to cover the expenses only , I borrowed that money. see, the problem is being an elder daughter, I know how she will think..

What I thought, we would give some 100 pounds to her from her money, and settle the remaining as rupees. she told I have lots of expenses , so I can keep that 1 Lakh. I said to my husband what she said. His reply was I bought that 1 Lakh and I would give that money back in Indian a/c only, Which I conveyed back to my mother. Now they know, i have to pay for their shopping.

My sister wanted to buy tshirt, Jeans for her husband, A frock for her boss's daughter, A jeans for herself, belt for herself, some make up items for her friends. I had to buy Pram for other sister's son, some toys(a play tent, a bubble machine, a train set and something else) for him, 8 sets of dresses for him, some feeding bottle. On top of that, when this sister leaves I presented her a hand bag as well as I felt bad I didnt get any gift for her.

We celebrated my mom's birthday here and I presented her a nice watch. She has been telling, she is using a hand bag that I bought her 10 years ago. Every time I visit, I take atleast 2 hand bags. but generally she gives them to my sisters and now complaining that its been 10 years I bought her a hand bag. I dont want to send her with regret. so I bought her a hand bag. And this last sister tells that, buy a umbrella for mom as she always expects daughter( me) to buy for her she never spends her money. So I bought that as well. Now she insisted that she wanted to buy a hand bag for my sisters mil. you cant imagine, how I felt. She knew all the expenses that I am going through, she knew I have to pay for it, no one ever buy me anything. I even asked, why I have to buy stuff for sister's mil? she didnt even invite me for a lunch or dinner when I visit India.

When my sister's mil retired, my mother presented her a gold ring for 10k, same mother who refuses to get me a saree for 12 years. I felt really really bad. I asked her , why you are giving costly gifts to sister's mil? Reply was she was a widow, its very hard for a woman to complete the service, on top of that , she is gifting her so that she would take good care of sister.

So, I bought a hand bag for sisters mil as well. I had no choice. Then lots of eatables.

Sister and her family returned back 5 days ago. Till now, she didnt call me. Just informed my mother, they returned safely. Mother and other sister returned yesterday.

Now husband is scolding me, you spent for food expenses, you paid for transport, you paid for attractions. why did you pay for their shopping as well? I dont mind if you buy gifts for them but why did you buy presents for others? He is so mad at me. I realise that its my family's fault and I realise it s too much money for us. So, I told him, I am not going to India for vacation( my cousin is getting married in August and I wanted to go as its holiday for children), and we could compensate with that money. Again we had some harsh arguments and not talking to each other for last 2 days.

Just heard that, BIL complained to other sister's MIL that I didnt buy anything for his son.

I just feel like I have no one. I could not satisfy any body. Husband is thinking I am spending too much on them not realising financial status, mother and sisters are thinking i am calculative and not generous. No one cares about me. No one to support me. Feel very very lonely. So alone..

Thanks for your time..

 

Thanks for the reply Deepthy. I have been telling them all the problems from long time. Told them, how we struggled financially, how I didnt work for 2 years.. everything . They just closes their ears and hearts..

I just asked them to bring some masala powders as its been a year since we visit India. Not much. The masalas that dont available here. How can I ask friends returning from India to bring those things when my own family is visiting ? Other than that I dont expect anything from them. But it hurted, when she showed that much interest in buying a present for sisters mil. Couldnt stop comparing.

I asked my mom , to tell sisters family to visit us in September as it would be very difficult. Expenses.. everything. She called my sister and told her, try to come, if you dont come this time, you will never be able to come. Dont think about air fare, just come .. what to say? Sister booked the tickets, without even asking me..


I can not take it any more. Not even going to visit them for 2,3 years.

 

Thanks for your reply Deepthy.

So exhausted and drained, mentally, physically and financially..

I better stay away from them for sometime.