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How To Make Sure You Marry Man Who Is Kind, Responsible, Helpful

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SuiDhaaga, Dec 17, 2021.

  1. curlytweethere

    curlytweethere Platinum IL'ite

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    I am trying to read few things on why relationship fails. It could fail for a variety of reasons even when both are good people. I started reading on attachment theory. First we need to understand what attachment style we are and what is the attachment style of the potential partner. Once we understand this may be it might help us in identifying whether a potential match will last.
    Attachment Style Quiz
    Check out video by Thais Gibson on YouTube. She is supposed to have good content
     
  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you are right

    Question is, how to overcome bad karma done in previous lives?
     
  3. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    If only I knew the correct answer. My understanding from what I have seen and heard, bad karma cannot be overcome, it has to be dealt with. Just stick to a path of integrity to not accumulate more. Faith helps in sticking to integrity and not deviating. Sometimes even with care, one inadvertently errs due to our nature and faults in personality. Learning and registering and not trying to repeat the same mistake helps. It is not easy. Understanding of faith in God and sticking to it helps.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2022
    SuiDhaaga likes this.
  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I thought bad Karma eventually disappates.

    Doesn't staying in the path of integrity remove bad Karma (slowly but surely)

    Your are right when you say person can err due to their own nature and personality.
     
  5. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    I know I sound really pessimistic. Bad Karma does dissipate, but if one is patient enough to let it dissipate. My point was that any efforts towards success is for personal satisfaction. Positive efforts don't guarantee results the way one wants it, but the way that is good for them.
    I myself tend to get bogged down, I should correct my thinking and be more positive. So if my posting seemed to put you down, I am sorry, my bad.
    Best wishes to you. Stay positive, surely, someday you will get what you want. Keep on going. Don't focus on the negatives and expectations, focus on the positive efforts. Surely, they will payback today or tomorrow.
     
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  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    That is interesting.

    In another post, someone said her friend always prays for peace and happiness. I am wondering if this is on the same wavelength of something being good for them.

    I was reading Bhagavad Gita and the commentary said to do positive things without expecting the outcome you want.


    Please share your thoughts
     
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  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    I am not an expert on Bhagavad Gita and I don't know much. I too have heard of "Karmanye vadhikaaraste..." It's true. Whenever one does without expectations, they get bliss. When they start wishing and try to avoid what comes in their way, then they start to see the futility of the escapism later. No exceptions here. Yes, peace and happiness are important. But it takes time to realize what is peace and what is happiness.
     
  8. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I agree with SuiDhaaga and sarvantaryamini are saying.

    Positive efforts doesn't mean you will always get positive results we try to be positive so we can have our inner peace.

    At the end of everything how we handle our emotions will effect our life, health and relations. Past we can't change but we can change our present and future.
     
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  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @SuiDhaaga,

    Your title helps you what you need to focus on in finding a match for you. You are so dynamic, intelligent, analytical, ready to work hard, keep yourself occupied, always wanting to learn more, willing to wait for the right opportunity, etc. They are great qualities a woman can have. I feel men of this new generation who are not yet married are little bit laid back, too contented with what they have, less ambitious, expects a lot from the woman they marry, and not ready to give and forgive to have a long-term relationship and move on to a new relationship too quickly.

    Instead of focusing on materialistic thing, I would strongly recommend to focus your attention to the character of the individuals you are looking at. Is he kind to everyone around him, is he always helpful to everyone, Is he responsible for what he says and does and own if it goes wrong? Frankly, everything else materialstic can change over a period of time but the character is something that is built brick by brick. Look for a guy who has a little bit of discrimination to differentiate rigth from wrong and not influenced significantly by the opinion of his parents and siblings. He should be a person who should be ready to make a long-term commitment in a marriage. Words said may not be adequate and you need to validate it through his actions by how long he has friendship with people, has he done anything long-term including some hobbies? A person's actions speaks volume about his character than his words.

    If he has a character that lasts forever, he can establish long-term relationships and can build family, wealth, etc. I am not suggesting that you should marry someone who is looking for job but a person who has decent income but has ambitions to build wealth, family and a happy life. Mistakes happen only when we match qualities we are looking for in words as opposed to studying his past actions.

    Needless to say, you can make a few compromises in your criteria but should not give some fundamental qualities you are looking for in a person. Most give and take should happen only after the marriage after you have made a decision based on some basic platform created for a a happy living together. Education plays a role in building character and not all educated individuals are well-behaved either.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2022
  10. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I think you are right.

    I was foolishly aiming for rich man because at least he won’t be a financial blood-sucker (like the last one!)

    you are right about men nowadays, they expect a lot from their wife, but have not much to offer in return.

    I’ve resigned myself to enjoying my own company.

    It’s not safe for women to travel solo (unless she takes exhaustive precautions which would spoil the fun ), so I find ways to stay contented and nourished within my four walls

    When the right man comes I’ll make sure he fulfills the basic pillars of happinesses.
     
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