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How To Make Sure You Marry Man Who Is Kind, Responsible, Helpful

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SuiDhaaga, Dec 17, 2021.

  1. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    If the man is rich enough, it doesn't mean he will entertain his wife. It has nothing to do with being rich, it has to do with mutual compatibility and respect and both of them being good and normal individuals. The days when men used to be breadwinners and wife took care of the home and kids is becoming a thing of the past.
     
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  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Of course.

    I am dealing with my own tunnel vision based in my experiences (and it is a huge setback to happiness)

    There are husbands who earn less yet they are the best, there are husbands who earn high, and they are losers.

    I need to meditate on these great pieces of advice and let things happen organically.
     
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  3. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    You find out how a person is by dating them. Dating is an exploratory process whereby you see if both of you are compatible or not. Jumping into marriage without dating sufficiently or relationship building is what lands us into problems.

    Also you generally attract what energy you are giving out. If you have low self esteem, don’t want to work outside the house etc, you will attract a certain kind of men.

    My advice to you would be become more independent and comfortable in your skin. You seem to be overly influenced by your family in your day to day life. Rather than wait for a man to provide for you or make you happy, work towards getting those things yourself. Go out and date people but don’t let it be the be all and end all in your life. Don’t jump to thoughts of marriage at the first meeting. Take it slow and see if you are attracted to a guy- emotionally, intellectually and not just physically.

    And when you are dating someone, pay close attention to how each interaction ends up making you feel. Don’t ignore red flags. At the same time, think about where your short comings are and work on improving those. In my case it was better communication for instance.

    Go out and live your life. Join a gym and start exercising. Read more books. Sign up for different kinds of meetup groups to meet a variety of people. Make friends outside your usual circle. Travel to new places. I always found that the more fun I was having in my life and the happier I was, the better the quality of men I attracted.

    All the best!
     
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  4. Dishaa

    Dishaa Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    I hv a slight different opinion than others.

    It takes years even a life time to know a person a couple of years / months dating won't help specially for marriage purpose.

    Usually the guy/girl including families create a false image before society or friends circle, some are not harmful and viceversa. U will know only once u start living with them.

    I would suggest u be independent financially as well emotionally.

    Try to see if you get your personal space during ur dating period.

    Try to see if u get to see any red flags.

    Trust your insticts.

    Get the prospective family and guys background verification done via professionals.
     
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  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    I am in USA and luckily I work.

    I wish to find someone on my own.

    Seems this arranged marriage is a setup for failure, esp USA girl trying to get India boy match.
     
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  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    And I am following your progress!
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    If you expect a perfect business person with great income, and ability to support wife and family, then you must accept the fact that a perfect business man would also expect a perfect wife material as per his /or the society's dictionary.
    Why would someone want to marry a woman, and feed/support her throughout life with his hard earned money?
    Instead, he can spend the same on some attractive women.

    Marriage is a partnership. Both work, both earn, both contribute, both share, and both enjoy. It is a life time of growing old together, making family and sharing responsibilities.

    If the husband has more professional outlook, and opportunities he can earn, and be the provider. If wife also has equivalent qualifications and opportunities, she too can climb up the professional ladder and be successful in life.
    They can hire for helps, and services to do the household chores, and familial responsibilities like child care.
    They can establish support system like extended family to help them at home front.
    Kids and hands on parenting is just a phase in life. With supports, both husband and wife can handle this phase without losing out their professional dreams.

    But, if the man has more interest towards house-keeping, cooking and parenting than professional work, he can allow his wife to take the lead as a provider, where as he does the pampering she needs the most.
    Same goes with woman too. She can be at home, and nurture the family if she doesn't share the same professional vision as her spouse.
    After all, it is partnership. Ideal couples are compared to cup & saucer. Not cup & cup or saucer and saucer.
    It means, they should be able to complement each other as perfect pair.

    First of all, you need to identify yourself and your vision about marriage. Then you should identify a person who shares similar vision.
    In our context, it is important to identify a family with the same vision to cut down unnecessary dramas. But it doesn't matter, life will be great if both spouses sail on the same boat.

    People change with time, positively or negatively. But their core characters will not change.
     
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  9. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    50/50 partnership.

    In our culture, male does 0, woman does 100, yet she is treated like garbage.

    Imagine if male is 100 and woman is 0, then see how nice her life will be.

    So I totally get that if woman wants perfect husband, she needs to be perfect. However in our culture if male wants perfect wife, well, he is already perfect, he was born male.

    I am not asking to be taken care of hand and foot, I am asking for 50/50.

    Even if husband is gazillionaire, I’ll still be working to support him and our family, and I’d expect him to do same.

    A good reason why I’m trying to learn new things, do certifications is spot hopefully move up the ladder and me et Mr. Right in an organic, natural way.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2022
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  10. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    TBH, it is a matter of luck. Some things need personal efforts, some need prayers in addition. Having a happy family has more to do with past karma and lives.
     
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