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How to make him see sense!?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by smritisinha, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    He should be isn't it??? But he is not!! He pities them. Because they 'love' me so much that they are over-possessive and cannot handle me having loving thoughts for my own parents.

    The problem is nothing makes sense to him. If his mom saying that she wishes divorce for him doesn't open his eyes to the evil, I dont think anything can open his eyes. Its like "EYES WIDE SHUT". He knows everything and still behaves like a Ghajini, as coolpinky said.

    No staying separately is not an option. Because currently, we stay in a city, FIL stays at native and MIL stays with us. She wont leave us. Wont go to take care of her own husband. He eats out of tiffins but this lady stays with us to 'take care' of us. So the world can be a proof whenever required that "Woh to apne pati se alag rehkar bete or bahu ka dhyaan rakhti thi" (She used to stay separate from her own husband to take care of son and DIL)

    And in one of the shouting matches, she had mentioned that "if your wife doesn't want to stay with us, there is only one solution. She will have to separate from you. Because we will stay where u stay. She has no other option"
     
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  2. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    My God Smriti- that is messed up- your MIL is seriously messed up. So rather than be with her husband she would perfer to be with yours :(

    I just hope you have strength to deal with this daily drama from her. You should suggest to your husband that his mother needs to be with her husband and support him and be supported by him instead of leaving him to his own devices. Maybe that would be the cure for her depression. Now its clear- she is depressed becasue she is away from her husband :) You selfish people - take care of yourself and let the poor woman go back to her husband.
     
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  3. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    OP,

    Please beware of such ideas. What if he doesnt turn up and rather enjoy his bachlorhood again. Dont we have cases where temprory separation became permanent. It all depends on your DH's nature. Manjubhashini DH seems to be this kind. You should know abt ur DH attitude before doing such stunts.

    If you go separate then there are 2 possibilities. one he will come back and start living together or he will not come and gap become so much wide that ego dominates than love. So its 50-50 chance. Even if you are going for temp. separation...prepare yourself to live if he doesnt turn up. You very well know my situation. I left him after preparing myself to live separate for lifelong.

    Dear Manju...I usualy stick to original poster's response only. But I ahd to reply since this solution is not applicable in everybody's life. What if he doesnt turn up ? we can only guide OP based on the experiences shared by them but final decision have to be taken by poster only.
     
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  4. bubblygal

    bubblygal Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Dear smriti,
    I was so happy when i dint see you post for a long time!
    Hmm story of every house isnt it?Seems these dhs take the word kanyadaan literally!
    I wouldnt say ignore but at same time when she blames you give her a piece of your mind!And start standing up for yourself!If she makes a big issue of some ritual wherein she expected your dad to call her ask your parents to stop calling them!
    Give her left right and centre if she shouts you get the sh*& out of her!Scare her and if she complains to your husband say dint you say she is in depression i am just getting her out of it, if i confuse her mind with emotions of fear she will get out of anything !:)
    When she shouts start banging doors saying you are checking hinges!Disrepect her when she is shouting yawn when she screams or switch on the tv and watch comedy channels or sitcoms laugh loudly when she screams, if your husband says anything tell in front of her "dint you tell me she is tharkii?(Mental)So i am diverting her tharkiness!"
    And p.s. tell her maaa take a chill pill!
     
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  5. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

     
  6. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Why she have to be with you guys to TAKE CARE of two adults!!

    Yar smriti... I got superb idea. Just like old Tamil movies of Visu or Hindi movie's like of jitendra kind if thing. Since your FIL is alone and your MIL is torturing you and confident that her DH will not never leave her..., why not bring in some gf for your FIL! I am sure MIL will run away to her H seeing some lady in his life and her marriage is ruining at this age. She will stop doing this depression drama.

    Fuel your FIL to KEEP a lady cook and clean house for him. Let him tell your MIL that tu nahi hai toh maine ek RAKH-LI hai...matlab lady cook. (FIL shd tell MIL that since you are not here I have got one...a cook).
     
  7. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Lol Omnam! Beware of suggesting such things. She might dismiss that cook and send me to FIL for cooking and cleaning. And meanwhile act sick, and hire one.. a cook.. for my husband here!!

    Sdiva! Yeah.. we are evil na.. Keeping a treasure like my MIL all to ourselves and not sharing her with her own husband. Now don't go green, jealous of my brilliant stroke at fortune! :biglaugh:

    Husband cannot let mommy dearest go. Or the bigger MIL (my FIL) will poison my MIL's already poisonous brain with more ideas. So he doesn't like her going to FIL. He notices that whenever she returns after a stint with FIL, she is more venomous that usual.! Of course, he wouldn't tell it to me. But I know..

    Bubblygal, :bonk :bang me if required. Please give me some of your courage.
     
  8. bubblygal

    bubblygal Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Hehehehe here take it all!You arent alone just remember this and you are standin up for what is wrong thats it!:)
     
  9. Radhica

    Radhica Silver IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Hugs to Smriti...

    Just my 2 cents...If he again ask you to forget your parents, tell him to do the same- forget his parents and treat your parents as his own....If he cant do this, then he should not expect you to do it also. Marriage is an addition of relatioships, not cutting off relationships...Mybest wishes to you...Hope he will understand it..
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    This reminds me of my room mate of a working women's hostel sometimes back. She used to say that her MIL had joined them in order to take care of the DS and DIL while leaving her old husband alone in their native. The MIL would cook special foods only for her son, and keep the rest for the DIL. MIL's stay only added more works to the DIL as she is expected to cook and clean on a routine (or at lest to be at kitchen on demand) and she was unable to adjust her routines as per her health allows (specially during pregnancy).

    Husband turned unloving and pretended as if he doesn't care of his wife just because he wanted to please his mom more. But the same husband helps at kitchen, eats with wife, and sometimes cleans the home as a matter of helping wife whenever his mom goes back to their native.

    No movies, no outings as everything to be decided by the MIL, but the funny part is that the MIL wasn't behaving rude. She always had reasons to make sure her son is slowly detaching from the DIL with poisonous loving acts.

    My friend had emotionally detactched from her husband with time, and there were very limitted physical contacts between them. This had let the husband later run behind a girl friend, and wife concentrate fully on her career by taking a transfer and staying in a hostel.

    After achiving her life's goal, the MIL had returned back to her native saying that the city life doesn't suits for her health. Their marriage died, although they are just in their mid 30s, and now a days there is no obstacles to their lives.

    Beware as it is not something to make fun or get adjust with, although not every case turn as bad as this... But it is better to put your foot down.

    I have explained the reasons of why such men born on 80s (including my hubby) behave so in my previous long post.. It is not with them, but with their moms those born in 50s...as they know how to turn things.
     

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