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How to make him see sense!?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by smritisinha, Jun 12, 2013.

  1. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi guys..

    I have not updated few of the recent events at my place here.. So I'm telling everything in short. There have been quite a few 'huge' shouting rows at my place because well, everything that goes wrong in my in-laws place is due to my parents.

    DH's tab is stolen. My parents fault. (They didn't inspire me to put his things properly. Apparently, putting it in a drawer is not a proper place. It is not MIL's fault that the maid stole the tab when MIL was overlooking her work)

    Money stolen from DH's wallet. My parents fault.

    A close relative of mine expires and my fathers sister call up MIL to inform about this and not my dad because he is busy with arranging the last rites. An insult to my in-laws. Dad should leave the preparation aside and call in-laws personally. That to not just one person. Both MIL and FIL. Separately.

    DH eats chocolate from the fridge when MIL is asleep. She blames me for eating things after everyone is asleep. :shock:

    Few more. Lost count of the reasons.

    So, in all these serious blunders of me and my parents, MIL went on shouting spree, calling my parents dehati, gawaar, asanskaari, not teaching the daughter anything, filling up her ears to create fights in the house, taking undue advantage of their love for their son, bla bla and more bla bla.

    DH shouted back. Yeah. Stood up for me. And I stood like a statue with open mouth unable to understand the logic behind any shoutings.

    Since, DH shouted at her (or FIL too if he was included), it was again my parents fault.

    Even after all this, DH forgets every incident just 24 hours later. He just forgets what I go through listening those taunts and jibes.

    Today, I had some argument with him. I wanted to visit my parents and he told me that I dont consider his parents as mine even after 2 years of marriage. They do things for me considering me a daughter (oh yes!) and I dont reciprocate their feelings and keep missing my parents.

    I couldnt reply anything. How can a person forget all this?? ALL THIS??? He thinks his parents consider me a daughter???

    His mom even went to the extent of saying that she wishes that her son gets a early divorce. Because she knows what kind of girl entered her family since the day we got married. And she is pretty sure that I will break their family. Instead, it is better, his marriage breaks.

    Even after this, he says his mom is under severe depression and speaks things in anger which we should forget!!

    His solution is that I should forget my parents and worship his parents. Then, they will accept me. That is not possible for me. Why should I worship people who abuse me constantly????

    I'm really at a loss to explain him what way I am being treated. Will he ever understand??

    Or will he continue to keep his eyes closed to the hell I go through in co-existing with these people? It seems that his anger at his parents is only temporary. And when looking at their faults, he suffers from severe memory loss unable to recall any harsh words spoken by his parents to me!

    I really want some end to it. How do I make him see that his parents hate me and they want us to fight and separate. They dont care. They just want their son to remain under their control forever.

    I hope I have been able to explain things properly.

    Thanks in advance.
     
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  2. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Cannot wake up some one who is pretending to sleep. (A scary jolt might work)
     
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  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    better record on phone when his Mom is abusing him & let him listen what she says in his absence.............
     
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  4. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    U misunderstand! She doesn't say all this in his absence. She says it in his presence.

    And he defies her when she is speaking all this, but forgets the very next day and keeps on asserting that his mom considers me a daughter and has my best interests at heart.
     
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  5. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Make the recording your ringtone...or alarm tone...he may just wake up to reality.
     
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  6. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Hugs to you dear. Just lately I was missing you & thinking whats up with you.

    Yeah I have no answer or solution to any of your questions. If I had, I could have sorted my broken peace of mind. May be silent treatment for a few days to all. Or pretend sick & pack your bags & head to your parents for some mental sanity. Be strong girl.

    PS: do read http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/221031-are-you-a-doormat.html by Anita. May be standing up for yourself can help.
     
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  7. Onesweetlife

    Onesweetlife Gold IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Height of Heartlessness of your MIL.
    No mother in her right sense would wish like this to happen with her son.


    It looks like Your husband is well aware of what you are going through but he doesnt want to let his parents down - Just my opinion.

    I second Anita, let him know what will be consequences that he may face if this tantrum of his mom continues.

    May Satguru Sairam bless you with peace.

    -Sweetlife
     
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  8. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    Smriti,
    I too dont have any answer for your post, but
    this is cannot be acceptable.

    your In-laws are not that good as mentioned in the quote and even if some people in life are as good or better than parents also, One cannot and should not cut-off ties and forget parents.

    His argument is point-less. off late, I'm seeing all this kind of people who argue / stick to their view even when it is very very clear that their view doesnt have stand or it is a skewed one. Don't know how to deal with them.
     
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  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    These things don't have a closure unless you close these ppl from your life.
    Some men are comfortable in playing gandhiji's 3 monkeys... since they're not at loss.... who cares...

    Take a break, don't react, watch walls, become thick skinned.... for everything say... yes its my parents fault... they found you as well........
     
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  10. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: How to make his see sense!?

    well said ShilpaMa.

    Is it natural psychy of a male or they do it intentionally. Understand that his parent are wrong but want wife to forget her parents and worship, serve his parents who constantly thro tantrums, abuse and mis-behave.

    Dear smriti.. I really dont answer for your questions. This lady is trying to break your marriage. Whatever u do, dont do, or even take samadhi she will find fault on that. And try fuel against you to your husband.

    I remember a hindi dialouge heard somewhere ...'inke liye gala bhi kato toh kahegin yeh toh teda kata hai'....mean ' even if u cut ur neck to prove urself then also they will find fault in the alignment of cutting'.

    - Tell him clearly that you always saw his parent as yours but they couldnt keep up the respect and abused u alot for nothing. If she is depressed than she needs medical help since its affecting you too.
    - Dont leave him and go to your parent's place. She will fuel against you more. And she want you to leave her home asap. Either take him with you or go for a day or 2 only if going alone.
    - Go for a long weekend trip with your husband. This will bond your DH and envy your MIL.
     
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