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How To Live Without Speaking With Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Gayathrivikkram, Mar 12, 2017.

  1. Gayathrivikkram

    Gayathrivikkram Senior IL'ite

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    I have an egoistic husband, his family always blames me for what I have not done.. last year I lost my dad and my husband was very nice to me after that, but again he started hurting me for his mom and abusing me in front of others.. his family does the same.. I need to live with him for my son... But I hate him completely ... All I wanted his he need to feel sorry but he never does,so until he says sorry am not going to speak with him... Will it really work?.. how long we can live with out speaking , I just want to be with him for my son but I hate him completely
     
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  2. Tryinghard2013

    Tryinghard2013 Silver IL'ite

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    Same situation. They never accept their or the family's fault. I hate being married.
     
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  3. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Gold IL'ite

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    I personally believe that silent treatment never works. Dont depend on it. Your husband being an egoistic person , will not bend by your silence. But your silence will suffocate you for sure ,if you have little feelings for your husband. I am sure you tried everything under the Sun to change your husband but still if you want him to change you have to be consistent. You can not go on a silent mode one fine day and expect him to change. Its a constant process . lower your expectations. his inherent nature of dominating you might never change.

    But if you can detach yourself completely from him ,as you yourself said that you hate him, which a very strong word and implies that you do not have any feelings, then probably keeping silent or not talking much will be better for you. This is very difficult to achieve . You need to shift your complete focus on something else, It could be your job, kid anything. But once achieved, you will at least be in peace with yourself.
     
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Answer is perfect.Yes,as fourthaugust said shift your focus on something else and be at peace with yourself
     
  5. LakshmiKMBhat

    LakshmiKMBhat Gold IL'ite

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    Hating your husband and being with him is not being fair to yourself or your son and your husband. It is better if you and your husband can talk about this. All the best.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    You said you hate your husband, that itself indicate you still love.or are emotionally attached to your dh.. when we really detach from a person there will be nothing.. just neutral attitude...

    Silent treatment or hatred will eventually punish you. It create stress and affect your mind ,body and health.. so relax... try to emotionally detach your mind from Dh and focus on yourself. I agree with @fourthaugust on the need to shift your attention to you.
    We need to be smart.. don't worry about things we cannot change, instead change our response to that situations or ourselves
    If you can, try to talk minimum things related your home kids etc and act as nothing happened. Be gentle, nice and give respect as much as you can ..but walk away or not respond to bad behaviour. In the mean time, shift your focus to you.
    Creating a world for yourself will divert you from negative feelings. Even going though this forum, social media etc can be a diversion. Everyday try to spend at least half an hour by doing something that makes you happy.. like listening to songs, dance to a song, watch comedy, watch movies, read books, gardening, or cooking or anything that makes you happy. If you like do yoga and meditate every day. Try going to sleep happy and with a peaceful mind

    You need to fall in love with you, dress well, care you well, eat well, gift yourself, etc...
    Take care of you, your home, your kids, your job and don't expect anything from anyone..slowly I am sure... your will get peace of mind and happiness.... try...

    Your question was on silent treatment. I have done that many times .. but It was lIke punishing myself... why should I punish me for someone else fault? So I learned that talking to each other at least about kids, home common things... and shifting my focus to me helped to regain peace of mind. I think when my Dh found that I don't care about his tantrums and am happy with myself, he started to come back to me.

    The kids are very smart, they understand well when you two are in silent mode. It may affect them. So try to maintain peace of home and at least maintain some communication with your husband ... you only can make you happy.
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2017
  7. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    If you read other posts you will understand that for most women, it is matter of luck that husband feels and shows love and wife feels the same about husband too. Either husband is good but has some defect which makes the wife want to have an affair with someone else or the husband sticks around, meets most needs, but exhibits repulsive behavior. It rarely happens that they both get along extremely well. So don't despair, not talking, rebelling by non-cooperation will affect you and give him enough reasons to make your worst fears come true. If he is not being nice, stop expecting from him, look up to yourself, behave normally, be happy. I know it sounds funny that I should say be happy. But being happy is in our hands, not theirs. The moment we decided to keep our happiness in somebody's else' hands, we chose to submit to them. There is a proverb in my language - if a person stops using water because he got angry on the lake, it is he who will stink, the lake is unaffected. Same applies here.
     
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  8. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Forgive and move on. Be yourself. Talk as if nothing has happened. Behave like all is well between you two for the sake of your child, you are in the relationship for your LO. If you both don't behave like normal parents, it can have a significant negative impact on the child. This could probably be the connection between you two !? And proceed step by step towards a healthier relation ? If you tell come we need to make this work, he might backfire. Instead drive him to do what is right without mentioning about it. Things will change for good for sure, ofcourse this is going to take a lot of time and effort. Good luck dear.
     
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  9. Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Please do not take decisions when you are emotionally distressed. Your goal is clear that you want to live with your hubby for the sake of your Son. Moreover your hate is not permanent, as soon as your hubby behaves the way you expect your hate will be replaced with love. The main reason for his "afer all she is depending on me" feelings and your "emotionally depending on him " feelings ... so shift your feelings as the other Ilites said and concentrate on what makes you happy and do it. Please don't depend on your happiness for anybody including your Son. Give them the assurance that you are there for them ( which will give you self confidence) and not seek assurance from them for your happiness. Keep your head high and have a happy face no matter what. Celebrate your life every minute. Because your emotions are the only thing in your control and nothing else.
     
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  10. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    Really perfect answer...put up with right words..I am also in the process of changing my husband with mental stability, patience and love
     
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