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How To Identify 'mean' Person Or Camaflouged Person

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Dec 14, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks @Gauri03 for hearing me.
    A simple sincere thank you would have given me peace.
    The feeling of being used causes resentment.
     
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  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    You really have a big heart & patience @Laks09
    "It’s a bitter lesson but it’s a lesson learned." Can't agree with you more.
    With one year for a one time she feels inconvenience, OMG.
    Such people exist here & there.
    What I don't understand, how can they say such words without thinking?
    What makes them to take advantage of other's time?
    Why it's inconvenience when it comes to them?
    Why can't they be grateful?all such questions come in my crazy mind
     
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    mean people can only be identified through these experiences .

    it looks like you have spent more time in analyzing this situation than the actual baby sitting ...you already spoke to one other lady who relayed information about party , talked to friend and now such a long thread ....

    You learnt now from this and can say no from now on .. I hope at-least your daughter enjoyed an unexpected play date ...

    I never take any hep from anyone specially homemakers just to make sure I don’t get labeled as using their free services but most times my house becomes play date place for other needy homemakers
     
  5. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Your feeling of resentment is perfectly natural because you have been lied to and someone tried to manipulate and take advantage of you. As others have said before, there is no magic wand to know what people are like. It is by their behavior they show themselves to you.

    here’s what works for me with acquaintances. If I can help someone without inconveniencing myself, I absolutely do it. If I have to inconvenience myself a little bit I don’t mind - but I do want to get the other persons story about why they think it’s important that I inconvenience myself.

    But if I am lied to or manipulated (and believe me all of us have at one time or the other), then I walk away from that person immediately. If they reach out or if I am harboring some upset then I write down a careful note and send it to them to make things clear. Example in this case- I would have simply written to this lady, “hey I found out that you had actually gone to a party vs it being an emergency when you asked me to babysit your child the other day. I know there are times we all need help but would have much preferred if you had been honest about it. Take care and all the best.” Now chances are she will either start blowing up your phone (block her), or sending you repeated texts explaining or lying some more. Just do not respond. Do not get into a back and forth with her.

    a lot of people will try to manipulate you in life but you don’t have to engage with them or provide any explanation. However it’s extremely useful if you call them out on their manipulation or lies and put it out there. It helps a lot with reducing the building sense of hurt.

    anyone who has tried to be a jerk to me either gets a solid ignore from me henceforth or a politely written note from me on why I have decided to take a break from them.

    hope this helps. Take care...
     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Your acquaintance is clearly wrong. Her deed is not acceptable and your anger towards this is normal. But there is no way that you could spot a mean person just like that. It takes time, and a few bad experiences like this to understand what is behind their camouflages.
    Don't be disheartened for this. Take it positively and add this experience as another lesson learned.
    This way, you can increase your wisdom and be prepared the next time when you encounter similar people/similar requests.

    A month ago, one of my acquaintance requested financial help for one of her college mate (in our age group) who was battling a serious illness.
    Since she described about that person's family (like 2 kids, young mother etc...) it touched a chord in me, and I was moved in pain. I immediately forwarded a good amount of money to the said bank account (that is linked to this acquaintance as she has taken up this social fund part on behalf of that sick woman.
    I felt so satisfied after doing this, because I did it with a good intention. After praying for this woman in the next few days, I eventually forgot this matter.

    Exactly a month later, one of my subordinate at work requested 1/2 day leave to attend a funeral of her cousin. While discussing her leave, she shared info about who was her cousin, and what caused her death and all that. Since most of the info about her cousin were similar to the woman I helped, I probed further to know better.
    Then only I understood that her cousin was terminally ill for a long time, and she never had kids, and her family is well off financially and they never needed assistance from outsiders.

    I immediately tried contacting that acquaintance who collected money from me, but she doesn't answering her phone. Blocked me in FB and other social media.
    Now that, I could bring this matter to the light, but it takes a lot of effort to prove, and a lot of other issues along with it.
    I have no time to fight with this kind of people. So, i silently accepted my foolishness and moved on.
    Next time i would be very careful before I commit anything as such.

    As someone rightly said.... I count on my Karma. i did something good, and earned good karma. That;s it
    In addition, I learnt an expensive lesson for life.
     
  7. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Gold IL'ite

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    i dont think we should stereotype homemakers as needy . being needy or not is an individual trait independent of someone being a homemaker or working for pay.
    however , i have received some very judgmental remarks from people around about sending my child to day care since she was 7 weeks old from both women who took a short work break and homemakers alike . and even now it continues if someone finds a slightest chance .
     
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  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes+100
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Needs as in who needs to step out and heed some one to watch their kids for some time

    where did you get the financial angle in this ...

    look at the context , we are discussing about watching others kids
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2019
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Financial angle and working/homemaker came in when in a thread about one parent allegedly taking another parent's babysitting for granted, you brought in "specially homemakers" and "needy homemakers."

    Replacing "homemakers" with "parents" and "needy homemakers" with "needy parents" in your post makes the financial and homemaker/working parent angle go away. Context remains watching others' kids.
     
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