How To I Stay Attentive To Those Who Are Having Poor Memory

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by SuiDhaaga, Sep 18, 2022.

  1. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    How do I stay attentive to my surroundings?

    For instance, how do I make sure my highly functional, elderly family members are remembering to take their vitamins with orange juice, etc.

    Right now they remember, but if we are discussing something important, they forget. Then they say I should remind them because their memory is not same as it used to be.

    Please tell me how to be a more attentive and thoughtful person.

    We just went to a Doctor (for a medical issue) and he was so kind and attentive. You would think he is in love with you, but he really knows how to give attention to people. That is why his staff loves him.

    Please guide. Tagging @Rihana who gives really great life-advice.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    It is not yet your job or responsibility to make sure they are taking their vitamins with orange juice. They are highly functional and remember unless distracted by discussions.

    Older people needing help with remembering to take meds is a common situation. Find mechanical devices, timers, apps, services or other methods that they can use and give it to them. If one method fails, try another. Do not yet yourself become that reminder or checking-in service.

    Be attentive and thoughtful, but on your own terms. Means: Delegate medicine reminder job to devices and apps. A few times a week or daily after dinner, sit down and talk with them about their health and how they are feeling.

    That loving bahu or daughter patiently reminding mom or MIL "dawaai ka time ho gaya" looks sweet only in movies. And that stupid stereotype is reinforced by movies even now. As recently as in the 2020 movie Thappad, the slapped and suitably outraged bahu continues to do MIL's blood pressure taking and blood sugar finger prick thingie.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2022
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don’t compare yourself with the doc.That is his job and duty to be that way.He gets paid for that and it is part of his profession.He May basically be a good human and passionate about his work.

    You are not him nor you need to be.You already sound like a nice and caring person co you want to be attentive and thoughtful.That is awesome.

    Just put a reminder in your phone about what needs to be done.Prioritize and keep the reminders.Then you can call and let the elders know.
     
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  4. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Ouuch! I heard of the movie Thappad.

    I am trying to use Amazon Alexa and Microsoft One Note for reminders. It's too much overload otherwise

    BTW, I believe that Dr is a con-artist. He pretends he is not married, but he actually is (that was in my other posts). Towards the end of the appt he zoned out and ignored the patient. And when he wrote medical notes of the appt (i saw this on those online medical portals), he showed poor listening skills.

    But I digress.

    See, con-artists know how to appear attentive and caring.


    Coming back to original point, I am looking for new ways to delegate responsibilities and reminders to modern technology.
     
  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you so much.

    I will see how to put reminders on phone. it is fro 2018, I hope it is still functional enough to give me reminders. I will certainly try!
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Based on that appointment and dissecting his FB page, you've concluded he is a con-artist, poor listening skills, gaslighted his wife, pretends not married, wears dark glasses to hide something and much more.

    1) Your analysis of his FB page, that of his wife, mother, and some more relatives is close to the definition of "stalking."
    2) FB allows people to restrict what is visible to whom. Maybe his friends can see his "married" pictures.
    3) Wife's last name different from his last name: Times have changed. Now, women take on husband's last name by choice versus retaining their maiden last name by choice. So, he did not gaslight her to pretend not to be married to him.
    4) Doctor needing to reschedule an appointment due to "urgent surgery" is quite standard.
    5) He did not zone out at the end of the appointment. He looked at you because it is standard to look at the person who seems to be in charge.
    6) Shaking hands with the patient before leaving: doctors usually don't do that, whether or not they are wearing gloves. A gentle pat on the back is the usual "bye now" gesture.
    7) Wrote bad medical notes of the appt: The recent federal laws that require doctors to share notes of every appointment are an entire discussion by themselves. It is good for patients but has been the reason for many doctors taking retirement earlier than planned.
     
  7. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    i couldn't help but look at his FB page. His academic and career credentials were quite impressive. His FB page showed his college days with his buddies who also have impressive academic and career credentials.

    To me the way he publicly showed his FB profile was the was my abusive ex did it. He gave me so many reasons. And he encouraged me to remove our wedding photos and videos. He even said, "sorry I hurt you"

    At the end I put wedding photos and videos and he was furious. This all happened while he was waiting to come to USA.

    Some relatives saw through him but I was blind, and now i am reeling with the consequences.

    So this experiences makes me think of the Dr that way.

    Lot of other things i did not know, but know I understand, i.e. Dr needing to reschedule an appointment, Dr looking at person who seems to be in charge.

    Maybe I over-reacted.

    I'll pause FB till Christmas
     

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