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How To Handle The Situation

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Jas82688, May 26, 2021.

  1. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Am back after long time so here is my problem ..

    A lady creating issues who used to be in our neighborhood in the past but moved to diff place ..

    she was asking me some personal question I did not answer properly .. so that might have irked her or hurt her ego .. it was my mistake I shared my personal issues with her in the past but later realized my mistake .. also she keeps asking if I have this medical issue In front of everyone even after repeating many times I don’t have any medical conditions she is still asked . These kind of questions irritating me but I was nicely told her no I don’t have ..

    She comes to my neighborhood every day since she had friends here ..
    So this lady brought some stuff books and shared with all kids who are playing with my kids except of mine ..

    My kids looking at each other with a sad face ..

    I did not expect an adult can behave so mean with kids .. If she doesn’t have more to share she should have told me that I don’t have more to give your kids ..

    Am not looking for any free stuff I can buy as many as I want ..she told the other mom she has even more books that she can share on purpose in front of me .. I know she did it intentionally..

    I really don’t care if she is giving something to moms avoiding me .. it’s ok not to share but kids don’t understand .. when someone giving stuff to other kids they too expect it ..

    How to deal such people . She comes to here daily .. I can’t avoid other moms because of her . but she high jacks everyone ..

    Am not very talkative I mind my business .. my intention is just go there so my kids can have some playtime .. I really don’t understand why anyone shows hatred towards small kids ..
     
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  2. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    Its ok why bother? You take books for your kids. If they get sad , tell them the other kids didnt have any so they needed it. Your momma has books for you.

    Why spoil peace ? If she is doing on purpose or not... It's not yiur headache. Ignore her royally n speak to other mom friends and let your kids enjoy their playtime.
     
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  3. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Focus on that only on that. Buy a few books and keep it with you. If this happens again, you can give to your kids at that time. Don't worry that your kids think that other lady doesn't like you. You will run into such situations in life. You cant please evreyone.
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Ignore her.
    You and your kids will meet all kinds of people in life, good, bad and everything in between. As they grow older they will also start to see things for themselves. Don’t bad mouth anyone in front of them but do make sure your kids know they can always rely on you. Continue taking them to places and act normally.
     
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  5. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your suggestions .. I know I should avoid her but how can I do it in a group .. she high jacks every conversation and talks talks .. it’s like a group chat ..
    I feel lonely as other moms also just nod their heads for what ever she says ..

    One more thing she has a habit of dragging a person with whom am talking .. she interferes in conversation talks with other lady and diverts them .. so how can I control her ..

    Do I need to just sit down with my kids until they play ..? I usually walk here and there as it’s outside playing .. those ladies walk together but like I said she only talks rest listens to what she says ..

    I have no prob walking to them but I feel I don’t have anything to contribute in that discussions .. so mostly I will be using this time to walk for myself so I get some physical activity ..

    At the same time I feel lonely as they all form a group and she is being ring leader ..
     
  6. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    No I never bad mouthed any one in front of my kids .. not even single word .. but my elder one is mature enough to observe people .. she could sense that they were treated differently than others in a group ..

    Total of 8 kids play together .. one mom kids are same age as my kids they bring toys share with all kids leaving my kids they play in a group.. we asked them to share .. my kids also take toys they share with others ..

    So these kids takes my kids toys in turn don’t share. All these kids tantrums .. I told my kids to figure it out .. she says they just don’t listen and running away from her ..

    The other mom kids came to play even though my kids are there they are just waiting for other kids to play with them without talking to my kids .
    I did encourage them go and play together but other mom ignored my request keep asking other mom when her kids will join since her kid came to play with them ..

    She said her daughter don’t want to play ..

    So my daughter was upset asking me mom they don’t like me they did not come here to play with me .. I shared my toys with them even though they are not willing to play with me ..

    So this mom close to the lady I said before .. I feel they are saying not to play with my kids and wait until other kids joins ..

    Am really lost .. it’s just two houses away from my home as soon as my kids hear some noice they run out of home to play ..
     
  7. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Gold IL'ite

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    Dont take things too personally, you feeling ignored proportionally makes your kid feel ignored. Definitely there will be someone like you in the group who is silent but likes to mingle, initiate casual conversation with others may be in a different time when she is not around. You can also talk to that friend of yours and keep things straight.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    To watch other kids not playing well with our own kid is hard and hurts like hell.
    When you dial down the level of the friendship with someone, other things don't remain the same. If she is the leader in a group, you will feel or get sidelined. You realize you made a mistake. So keep the blame there, not on her ego.
    Moms can figure out this kind of mom -- the one who doesn't really care for their friendship and is joining the group solely so her kids can have some playmates and playtime. I was like you and never could really join a group.

    You are overreacting. The reason could be something so simple as they have an ongoing book share or book circulation due to the pandemic or whatever.

    More likely she was talking about some book exchange they have set up and you misconstrued it as done just to exclude you.

    It's a small thing. Your kids must have moved on from it even before you went back home from the playground. You do the same.

    You don't have to join the other moms. If you don't like sitting or walking by yourself, join the kids. Spend some time and money on games or activities that the kids can do where they meet outdoors. This is different than your kid sharing her toys with others. These are activities that are done together, have some novelty, and can be played in a group of any size. These are a few examples though they may be a bit dated:
    - sidewalk chalk
    - hopscotch
    - Ring toss game https://www.amazon.com/OOTSR-Plastic-Carnival-Backyard-Training/dp/B07KPXMBFQ/
    - Calculators from the Dollar Store (was a hit when I took a few to the park)
    - Hula hoops
    - Modeling clay sticks
    - portable soccer (football?)

    Google "cheap outdoor games" or "easy setup out door games." Some are a bit pricey at $30-$50. You can resell them after a year or two. Resell as a set or give away to a family who need it.

    Start the game or activity with just you and your kids. Don't start off by asking others to join.

    Though really, I would throw money at this problem. If your kids are old enough, hire a responsible teen high schooler or college kid to regularly take them out twice or thrice a week. Teens have lot of energy to organize games, goof around and keep the younger kids engaged.

    Even better: get that teen to run a basic "STEM" or "STEAM" camp outdoors for a few hours each week. Nothing rattles desi moms like their kid missing out on some STEM opportunity. : ) : ) They will desert that ring-leader woman and join you so their kids can join the STEM camp.

    Here's another activity though a little pricey: Little Free Library Shop - Libraries, Accessories, Apparel and More There is something magical about building a structure that will house a lending library in the neighborhood.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2021
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  9. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for all the points you mentioned .. yes I do feel like I over reacted on books thing but in personal when you experience things are different .. am also in the same social bubble so it’s not like am outsider or new .. we all meet up daily and birthdays or some other functions .. same social gang ..

    And also like I did not turn down friendship since in the past my conversations with her as 1 on 1 personal stuff not in the public .. but now she is asking things in front of 10 people so I had to say no .. there are new ladies whom I rarely know she I was not comfortable at all if she asked me one on one I could have answered or kept quite ..also asking medical related issues also am not comfortable..

    She is very nosy when am talking with one lady she comes there breaks us only talks with that lady doesn’t even look at me .. she does that all the time ..

    I like the idea of the things you provide to keep my kids busy .. problem is my kids always want to play with them only as they are same age .. if I go there I will loose my peace because of her .. my kids don’t understand that ..

    due to the pandemic I am not able to contact her school friends and most of them will be in their social bubble they won’t include new kids ..

    I will try all out door games .. this summer is going to be a challenge for me ..

    What kind of stem projects I can try for a 2 nd grader ..? I have no experience in doing them .. but I will research about them ..
     

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