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How to handle Teen attitude

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by shiraji, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. shiraji

    shiraji New IL'ite

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    Hi friends, I am a mother of 2 kids, daughter aged 10 and son aged 14. My son, is a very cute intelligent boy. But of late, I am observing behavioural changes in him.I understand he is growing and hence the change. He needs constant reminders for his daily simple chores like saying his prayers/keeping his room clean/switching off the lights/shutting doors and the list goes on.But he seems to remember his appointments well, doing his assignments and stuff like that. Even though, these are silly matters, too many instances in ONE day, pisses me off. When i remind once, he doesnt respond, but when a 2nd reminder comes, he gets irritated and short tempered. I have tried many of my parenting skills.Since we R2i ed from Canada, I have brought them up in a well balanced way of BOTH Indian and Canadian cultures.I frequently upgrade my parenting skills by reading articles. Any new ideas/tips/advice/suggestions are greatly appreciated.:drowning
     
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  2. Vishalini3

    Vishalini3 Silver IL'ite

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    Shiraji, Welcome here :) Welcome back to India too :) whats your current location? I am a mother of a soon-to-be toddler and a kintergardener. Other experienced moms will share loads and loads :) Am moving this thread to schoolgoers/teens sub-forum :) Do share in your views and ideas, in the other threads too and help around here.
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  3. OOPALL

    OOPALL Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Shiraji,
    When my kids were teens,(boy and girl) each one acted different. I had to bring myself to their level and make them understand the importance of their responsibilities. From your post, it sounds like you are already doing that. Tell him in a calm manner, sit him down and have a chat with him about why you ask him to do things. Assure him that he is an important part of the family and his role in keeping up with his responsibilities is very important to all of you.
    Sometimes you just have to keep onto them. At times it sounds like you are beating your head against the wall but all in all they turn out fine.

    Thanks,
    Oopall
     
  4. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    I have a three year old who sometimes is going on 13. :)I read How to Talk so that Kids will Listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Farber and Elizabeth Mazlish, whenever I find myself more in confrontation mode with my child. The one thing that really works for me is to acknowledge how he is feeling and work out a via media for immediately task completion and then later talking to him about cooperation. I find their suggestions very workable, they also have a book for teens that i see in stores here. Just wondering if that could have some ideas for you.
     
  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Shiraji,

    welcome back to india.

    tell me about behavioral changes.. Just relax, it is normal and is part of growing up. i have a 15 year old daughter and 12 ( acts like a 14 year old )son.

    the physical, emotional changes and adjusting to those changes is what makes the boys irritated. we all assume girls are the only ones who attain puberty. since boys do not have a menarche, we are not bothered.

    just understand that your son is growing through the same phase of growth, hormones and mood swings and all the works. this is the time, they are not kids nor man and do not know how to react to which situation.

    this is the juncture we need to sit with them and tell them it is part of growing up and does not mean that you should be irritated and angry all the time.

    A child who has been recently uprooted from a known entity to a new environ needs more adjustment and more if the person is a teenager. you miss your old friends, you need to make new friends, the peer pressure.

    i am lost at what you mean by attitude..because from what you have written there is nothing that means attitude.

    forgetting chores, or chores taking the least priority is a way of life with them especially boys at this point..by this i do not mean that girls are better, a classmate of my dd retorted that she will not do child labour..that is her mom asked her to serve water..:rant:rant this i say is attitude and that parent should work on changing it.

    Do not start pointing that frequently. just tell him these are the chores once. and do not do it if he has not done it. just reiterate your discipline by leaving it as it. for example if he has not put his dress into the wash basket leave it for a day, maybe 2..he can exhaust all the undies..do not give in..he will realise the hardway that he has to do it. from what you write it is clear that he is a very great kid. and i am sure he will do it.

    sometimes, we need to cut slack and learn to accept.

    do not get pissed off..just relax, and move away from the place..in turn not irking your son and you would cool off. it is possible for us to think from his perspective and is not possible for your kid to think from yours..

    as i always say you can bend a little to allow him to reach you, than expecting him to stretch and reach your height..
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2010
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  6. iamsudha

    iamsudha Senior IL'ite

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    I don't know if this has anything to do with uprooting and moving to India etc.

    My kids are born and raised in USA and they are the same and so are the kids I know from our friends. I think it's not a big deal. I see them shaping up when they become independent.

    I am not a stickler for discipline and am a negotiable mom and the kids know it. If I become strict I know they will toe the line but I know they will be off to college in a few years and will be forced to shape up by then any way. So I just play the complaining mom whenever I can but have no deep issues about these small things and will do the heavy lifting if the issue is about education, rudeness, bad social behavior etc etc.

    By the way, I was no different as a Kid:)
     
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Friends,

    I just have a fallow up questions.My sister's daugther who is 13 years old,would never keep her room clean.She drop the cloths on the floor and room will be very messy.
    Whenever my siter try to talk to her and asks her organise,she would get answer from her that she would like to keep that way only.She is in US.
    I am just wondering,if the kids gives that kind of answer,what are the options left for the parent?
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2010
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    priya,

    the issue is with the child not the place. the child is rebelling to the parent's authority?? is it just this chore or for everything. if it is everything it is just trying to emphasize that she is grown up.

    the other thought that came to me, is that your sister is telling your niece to organize just now..like she was doing the work all along, picking after her and things and suddenly she realises that her daughter is older and needs to be more organized..if this is the case, it cannot happen overnight and also right now. the child is setting up boundaries and limits to how far she can go..your sister needs to be patient, be appreciative of your niece's effort and be a more understanding parent.

    It is better to relax and discuss behaviour in general rather than her behaviour in particular.

    But if your sister feels that her dd has been rude, she needs to be firm, talk to her that she is not happy about the rudeness, and she just wanted her daughter to learn to be more organized to be prepared for the bigger picture called life. a little better organized room reflects a organized child..
     
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