How to handle such situation?

Next time he calls you to do something as silly as 'take child to the bathroom' while you are busy...just tell him to do it himself as he is the father too.

You tell your husband that his 'expert comments 'to his mom's commentary are like adding oil to fire. Tell him...he will be responsible if you some day lose your cool.Don't fuss too much about him.He is the real problem here. He adds to the fire making your life difficult while becoming the apple of mommy's eyes.

 

Hi ,

I think u r taking things to ur heart... u r overreacting.... these are simple things happening in marriage life...

Some ppl even though they know u r working on it , may expect ur response... no probs, just give a answer... nothing difficult in it.

Y ur husband reacted to ur mom ,He is actually very matured and handled the situation well... because at that time if atall u had responded to ur mil ,she would have got angry, and incase u still stayed mum ,she would have got angry aswell...

so he reacted to ur MIL to make her silent...

so dont worry dear... life before and after mrg is diff... dont count ur 6.5 yrs....

 

Digression from the thread: Tangential topic -

YM, I dont think the advice is gonna work in her case even if she says it. Sounds like a traditional Indian marriage and just bringing the 'more modern' idea of 'dad-mom both share' prolly just gonna get a pfffft from him. Lot of times in IL we (all of us) give suggestions, but I do wonder that each OP's background and her context and her hubbys background (traditional/conservative in terms of gender roles...some of us can believe there need not be 'stereotypical gender roles' - but in plenty indian families thats the mindset ppl are steeped in) and upbringing can all be very different than what we see in our friends & families. Anyway this is not related to this thread, I've been thinkin on these lines on "how much modern day IL advice helps a DIL married into a more conservative/older-outlook family, who is seeking help in IL" (a diff thread topic), and mentioned it here.

 

I am married to a very orthodox, traditional Indian husband. He has been raised by his parents in a very traditional/male chauvinist way as entering kitchen was a problem for him.

However, I stood by my modern way of life, that is having equal share and respect for each other regardless of our gender. I believe, my way of modern thinking is right compared to his pointless traditional way. Please note.. I don't say traditional methods are wrong, but traditional behaviors in this aspect is definitely wrong to me.

In cases like this, I ensured my husband does his job. I repeatedly told him my expectation and showed him the outside world beyond his family.

Once this guy was banned from the kitchen, but now he can cook and clean stuff without any ego. It happened within a couple of years, specially when in laws are still living near by.

If you keep on covering such silly thinking in the name of conservative, tradition, orthodox, then women can never have freedom here.

Sure, such men won't change within seconds.... But having confidence about your thinking will eventually change them.

Dear OP

I think you are overeating here. Your H asked you to take the kid to wash room. Even me and my H would call each other to do this task when we feel lazy or occupied with other tasks. If you can do the job, else ask him to do it. Simple. If he does not do now, do not rush to do it the next time. Repeatedly ask him to do the job firmly, but politely without fight till he get the courage to support you.

Your MIL's words are like old mom's taunts. Do not take them to heart. Ignorance is the best medicine. if I were you, I would even ask my H to take that oil to his mom as i am busy with something else. Before he comments in favor of his mom, I would slightly raise my voice and ask H as " why are you not responding to your mom, please help her as she is asking na.. Look i am busy, else i would have given that"

Giving oil is not a gender defined job. Anyone can do it. If you are busy, either MIL or H could decide among themselves for it. (because many moms dont want to see their sons listening to their wives' commands, so they better do the tasks themselves.)

Either way, dont take it to heart... Dont get upset with husband. Handle it smoothly

 

C'mon ragini...lets not make a mountain out of a mole. What kind of an Indian tradition family prohibits a man from taking a kid to the bathroom...specially when the wife is making food for the family in the kitchen. None of us is living in the stone age....definitely not the Op.If a financially independent woman who chose her own husband can't ask her husband to take her child to the toilet for the fear of upsetting the mil or husband....then she deserves it.Sometimes things are not as difficult as people make them out to be.

 

It is quite possible that you are doing that op.When we feel that something unfair is happening and we do not find support in our favor...we do tend to obsess about it and become extra sensitive to peoples action. Don't beat yourself for it.

As for now...let it go. Discuss husband's role in child care, his unwanted comments or even the need for a maid some other time when every thing is calm.Your problems will lessen if you have a bigger role to play in your own life. It will take time.