How To Handle My Naughty Nephew And His Irresponsible Mother?

Be polite but firm and direct. Tell her you are busy and you are unable to babysit.

 

You place breakable objects out of his reach.
If he demands those objects say 'no'.
Once he finds he can't throw. He will cry , keep saying no.
I understand you can't discipline him.
Ask your parents to tell the mom, he can come but not every 2 hrs.

 

It’s very clear that she’s chasing him off to your house since she’s unable to handle him or doesn’t want to.

Few options you can try:

Say you have started working from home so can’t be disturbed. If she still sends, say your boss heard him and you got yelling or something and that you can’t do it anymore. Make it sound serious.

Lock the door n cut the door bell, one of my neighbor has actually done that.

It sounds mean, but don’t open the door even if he knocks many times. Say you have locked the main door and the bed room door so no noise disturbs your work and that you can’t hear anything if she questions you. No need to sound very genuine. Point is for her to understand.

Though it’s not your duty, if he’s misbehaving in ‘your’ house, You confront or discipline him, Let him cry, even for hours. Sometimes letting the kid cry is the only way to begin some decent disciplining. (I would have advised the same thing if he’s your own kid too.) Do it everyday or even every hour. It’s tough but it’s for long term results. Make sure to send him while he’s still crying or even more cranky than how he came So she gets scared of sending him.
Sadly, ‘when parents fails to discipline, the ooru/ gaun/ village does’ - it’s an old proverb or something.

Why are you dropping him? If he knows how to come, he knows how to go. Send him.

Mean one: Start telling all the relatives that ‘only’ you are taking care of the kid n not the mother. Make sure its done in front of her or someone who will ask her. Make it sound like she isn’t doing any parenting but you are. Call your relatives when he’s at home and say you are only raising him, since his mom has no interest apart from her gadgets. Add a laugh like a joke or make it sound sad or concerned.

Keep all your stuff under lock n key to protect your stuff.

Funny one : say he threw a gold ring from the balcony and ask them to pay for it, she will never send him again


Be zero fun, strict teacher, no tv or gadget, make the house very boring for the kid, has nothing to do that he refuses to come to your house when his mom chases him.

Since you can’t talk to her directly, show it directly or indirectly. Only thing you can do is to basically make your house a place that he hates coming. So this will stop.

 

Instead of venting it out here, tell her directly that you cannot handle her son and that he is her responsibility, not yours. Even if you come across as rude, it is better to put it out rather than keeping quiet.

 

Simplify the issue you are trying to fix. Their household chores distribution and what she does all day is irrelevant. You need this brat to stop coming to your house without a parent.

Make a list of 10-15 excuses that you can use. Each time he comes to your home, greet him pleasantly, use one excuse, and walk with him back down the stairs to his house. Keep the conversation directed at him when you reach their door, and repeat the excuse to him in earshot of his mother. Avoid discussing the excuse with her. If he comes back within 15 minutes, ignore the doorbell or again walk him back.

The excuse can be as simple as "I am reading a book right now, need to concentrate." "I am taking a long shower."

To take the edge off your frequent walking him back, talk with cousin, SIL and set up regular specific times and days when he can drop by. 30 minutes 2-3 times a week is good enough. Have an activity already planned. Some pictures from newspapers and a glue stick to make a collage is an easy to clean mess. If he outstays the 30 minutes or if his mother takes off for shopping, the extra time means they have used up all the 90 minutes for the next week and have to wait a week for next 30 minutes.

Added later: Just noticed the thread title. "How to handle nephew and his irresponsible mother." The cousin has been painted in the best light and his wife in the worst. She cooks "simple meals twice a day" while he does "all the household chores except cooking." I imagine that most households in India will have a maidservant for some of the household chores. And, after cooking the simple meals twice a day, she is not leaving the kitchen to be cleaned by the cousin in the evening. Either way, don't judge their way of living, and how they distribute the household chores. It cannot be denied that there are "lazy" people in this world but we never fully know what challenges any person or couple is facing. You simply do what it takes to reduce the nephew's unsolicited visits.

 

OP, 2 year and 2 month old is too young to discipline. But you can say NO and keep things above his height.
If he comes at a time you dont want to baby sit, take him back to his home. Then say you are busy with some thing. Do it every time. Also close the door. Don't open it even if he knocks. Give some excuse. Do it consistently till his mother get the message.

Direct confrontation in a polite way can be the next step, if the above methods dont work.

 

If the child is coming alone, open the door and tell him to go back as you are busy with something.Text message child's mother that you are busy or not feeling well.Do this consistently for a week ,they should get it.or if you are baby sitting him in the eve ,call or text message her to prepare extra dinner for you a well.Tell you are not getting time to prepare anything due to her son

 

I agree with fellow ILites here. You need to say no, firmly. Tell his mom and dad gently that you have something going on so you cant take care of him now. I guess you have parents living with you who also feel bad about telling your cousin to "not send her son to your house". Like Rihana suggested, have a list of excuses ready. Let me know if you need help with that list!!