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How To Handle My Naughty Nephew And His Irresponsible Mother?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Sri2196, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. Sri2196

    Sri2196 Silver IL'ite

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    So, this is the second time i am posting this thread as i think the issue is getting out of hand.
    My nephew is 2years2 months old. Very smart,stubborn. Understands everything.also very naughty. Purposefully throw things. Sometimes from the balcony. Cries uncontrobally when confronted.
    His mother is a totally irresponsible woman. We live in 1st floor and they live in ground floor.
    She will send him off to our home alone i.e she wont come.
    Her husband(my cousin) does all the hoysehold chores except cooking.
    My sil will cook simple meals twice a day which takes about 2 hours a day for her.
    When i am unable to control his tantrums i go and leave him at his home but my sil will again send him upstairs after an hour or something. But she herself wont come.
    She is on cellphone all day watches all the tv serials and youtube vlogs.
    Only the time he is sleeping, he is at his home.
    I cant say to her face diectly that dont send ur son to our home.although i have told her multiple times that he throws things around and break. Just for the sake of it she will scold him. But thats it.never tried to discipline him. My parents are soft natured. They dont want to be rude to her.
    So ladies pls tell me how do i handle her without using harsh words. I want to set boundaries but have no idea how to do it.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Be polite but firm and direct. Tell her you are busy and you are unable to babysit.
     
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    You place breakable objects out of his reach.
    If he demands those objects say 'no'.
    Once he finds he can't throw. He will cry , keep saying no.
    I understand you can't discipline him.
    Ask your parents to tell the mom, he can come but not every 2 hrs.
     
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  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    It’s very clear that she’s chasing him off to your house since she’s unable to handle him or doesn’t want to.

    Few options you can try:

    Say you have started working from home so can’t be disturbed. If she still sends, say your boss heard him and you got yelling or something and that you can’t do it anymore. Make it sound serious.

    Lock the door n cut the door bell, one of my neighbor has actually done that.

    It sounds mean, but don’t open the door even if he knocks many times. Say you have locked the main door and the bed room door so no noise disturbs your work and that you can’t hear anything if she questions you. No need to sound very genuine. Point is for her to understand.

    Though it’s not your duty, if he’s misbehaving in ‘your’ house, You confront or discipline him, Let him cry, even for hours. Sometimes letting the kid cry is the only way to begin some decent disciplining. (I would have advised the same thing if he’s your own kid too.) Do it everyday or even every hour. It’s tough but it’s for long term results. Make sure to send him while he’s still crying or even more cranky than how he came So she gets scared of sending him.
    Sadly, ‘when parents fails to discipline, the ooru/ gaun/ village does’ - it’s an old proverb or something.

    Why are you dropping him? If he knows how to come, he knows how to go. Send him.

    Mean one: Start telling all the relatives that ‘only’ you are taking care of the kid n not the mother. Make sure its done in front of her or someone who will ask her. Make it sound like she isn’t doing any parenting but you are. Call your relatives when he’s at home and say you are only raising him, since his mom has no interest apart from her gadgets. Add a laugh like a joke or make it sound sad or concerned.

    Keep all your stuff under lock n key to protect your stuff.

    Funny one : say he threw a gold ring from the balcony and ask them to pay for it, she will never send him again :roflmao:


    Be zero fun, strict teacher, no tv or gadget, make the house very boring for the kid, has nothing to do that he refuses to come to your house when his mom chases him.

    Since you can’t talk to her directly, show it directly or indirectly. Only thing you can do is to basically make your house a place that he hates coming. So this will stop.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
  5. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Instead of venting it out here, tell her directly that you cannot handle her son and that he is her responsibility, not yours. Even if you come across as rude, it is better to put it out rather than keeping quiet.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Simplify the issue you are trying to fix. Their household chores distribution and what she does all day is irrelevant. You need this brat to stop coming to your house without a parent.
    Make a list of 10-15 excuses that you can use. Each time he comes to your home, greet him pleasantly, use one excuse, and walk with him back down the stairs to his house. Keep the conversation directed at him when you reach their door, and repeat the excuse to him in earshot of his mother. Avoid discussing the excuse with her. If he comes back within 15 minutes, ignore the doorbell or again walk him back.

    The excuse can be as simple as "I am reading a book right now, need to concentrate." "I am taking a long shower."

    To take the edge off your frequent walking him back, talk with cousin, SIL and set up regular specific times and days when he can drop by. 30 minutes 2-3 times a week is good enough. Have an activity already planned. Some pictures from newspapers and a glue stick to make a collage is an easy to clean mess. If he outstays the 30 minutes or if his mother takes off for shopping, the extra time means they have used up all the 90 minutes for the next week and have to wait a week for next 30 minutes.

    Added later: Just noticed the thread title. "How to handle nephew and his irresponsible mother." The cousin has been painted in the best light and his wife in the worst. She cooks "simple meals twice a day" while he does "all the household chores except cooking." I imagine that most households in India will have a maidservant for some of the household chores. And, after cooking the simple meals twice a day, she is not leaving the kitchen to be cleaned by the cousin in the evening. Either way, don't judge their way of living, and how they distribute the household chores. It cannot be denied that there are "lazy" people in this world but we never fully know what challenges any person or couple is facing. You simply do what it takes to reduce the nephew's unsolicited visits.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2020
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  7. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, 2 year and 2 month old is too young to discipline. But you can say NO and keep things above his height.
    If he comes at a time you dont want to baby sit, take him back to his home. Then say you are busy with some thing. Do it every time. Also close the door. Don't open it even if he knocks. Give some excuse. Do it consistently till his mother get the message.

    Direct confrontation in a polite way can be the next step, if the above methods dont work.
     
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  8. AppuMom

    AppuMom Silver IL'ite

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    If the child is coming alone, open the door and tell him to go back as you are busy with something.Text message child's mother that you are busy or not feeling well.Do this consistently for a week ,they should get it.or if you are baby sitting him in the eve ,call or text message her to prepare extra dinner for you a well.Tell you are not getting time to prepare anything due to her son
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2020
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  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with fellow ILites here. You need to say no, firmly. Tell his mom and dad gently that you have something going on so you cant take care of him now. I guess you have parents living with you who also feel bad about telling your cousin to "not send her son to your house". Like Rihana suggested, have a list of excuses ready. Let me know if you need help with that list!!
     
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  10. Sri2196

    Sri2196 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for all the inputs. I have decided that i am gonna straight up tell her to accompany him evrytime time he comes here because i cannot manage him alone.
    Also, iam not judging her for not doing household chroes. I just wanted to convey that she has all the time in the world to take care of her kid but she chose to misuse us.
    I dont give two hoots about what she does or does not.
     
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