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How To Handle Insults By Spouse In Public?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by snehalJoshi, Apr 29, 2021.

  1. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Silver IL'ite

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    Try to have a conversation when you both are in a calmer mind and tell me how you feel every time disrespects you say this in a manner that would not agitate or trigger him to start a fight. Let him know that you have standards and expectations of your own, you don't like being treated disrespectfully.

    Every time when he is treating disrespectfully don't respond to him right away just walk away from that situation and ignore him and later let him know how you felt, and he disrespected you.

    If the nicer calmer way doesn't work try
    If you are unable to come to a conclusion or you see no change in his behavior try to get counseling from a therapist. Sometimes behavior patterns carried over from childhood exposures and interpersonal relationship examples at young age hard to break and need expert advice.

    Don't let him to disrespect you. Stand up for yourself.
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  2. Ragavisang

    Ragavisang Silver IL'ite

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    How about shock treatment?! Give him a taste of his own medicine. 99% problem will be solved.
     
  3. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    When the other person see a diff avtar in front of him they usually go speachless .
    Just go / walk away or be silent .But atleast once in life time these people should taste that bitter pill.My H was behind me ,but everytime I repeated thay I will be a terrific monster if he treats me badly in Public...After so many years of suffering I didnt mind go ballistic.PERIOD

    Or those people who cant reply back in a harsh tone say ..Hey Hon I am not liking the way you are asking things..Can you change it to make soothing to all our ears please Thank you and kiss him public :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2021
    Rihana and Hopikrishnan like this.
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    I like all of AppuMom feedbacks on this thread...
    However in order to get belligerent all of a sudden, an abused wife should consider where she stands in her own bargaining position in life.

    Is the OP in India or foreign? how long have they been married? What does she own in her own name/control? Is there a moral/lesson she could take from the life of her MiL ?

    Had there ever been a time when this public-shaming of wife was NOT happening? When did that start ? Psychology magazines would analyze such conditions to the conclusion that the subject may be trying to get to an adequately-distanced relationship.
    • This happens to older people who turn curmudgeon-y all of a sudden to the spouse and other loved ones -- apparently in an attempt to train them to be relieved when he passes on.
    • This happens to middle aged guys reluctant to get/use viagra, but having to find some other face-saving excuse to avoid intimacy: abusing the wife to get her sufficiently annoyed at him is an easy out.
     
  5. amulya2020

    amulya2020 Bronze IL'ite

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    I really liked this suggestion. That’s true, there is more opportunity to discuss or explain at home. When DH is rude at times at home we can’t expect them to be nice all of sudden in front of others. Few men are really good, when at home however they be, they know how to be in front of others and other men don’t really care. So for such people it’s better to make them understand whenever you come across rude or controlling behavior at home itself.
     
    drdiva likes this.
  6. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Youcan start at home with ' I thought you were better than this' and tell him he will get this in public, just a tad louder so that the same people who heard his insult can hear your hitback.
    Its not about others thou.. its about you.
     
    chanchitra likes this.
  7. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    Please watch Women's day A short film in youtube. Its malayalam and subtitles available
     
  8. snehalJoshi

    snehalJoshi Silver IL'ite

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    Early in my marriage days, when my DH would insult me in public, I didn't know how to react and would try to act as if nothing happened and once we got back home I would confront and then it would all turn into a HUGE fight. The HUGE fight won't just be about DH insulting me but mainly betraying me in this marriage. There were (are) other BIG issues in my marriage and I felt trapped (which I still feel) in the marriage.
    Anyway, after few initial times, I decided to give him back and first time , he was shocked (I guess) and he acted as if all was normal and didn't even confront anything to me when we came home.
    The next time he insulted and I gave back to him, he didn't keep quiet and he gave it back to me almost to the level of using F word in front of other friends. Again, we had fight when everyone was gone.
    This repeated very few times and I realized we are becoming an entertainment for others. We are not getting any help from any friend, no one intervenes or teaches my husband few good things.

    Slowly I started avoiding any triggers. Being with him for such a long time, I understand what upsets him (although not fully). My life has been like walking on eggshells.

    Now that even kids are getting involved, they hear all this, it is difficult to live with this :(
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  9. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    This is day-1 problem, and not nipped in bud.
    As is always the case, there could be pragmatic reasons why the marriage muddles on, and continues.
    This could be a social service. Providing an example to inhibit others from sparring in public.
    :frown: A tough situation.
    Coming back to the original question, I would recommend saying "Thank you" for all the insults, and nothing else. [recording the insults has been mentioned already] Save all the fight back for the day when you have the ultimate upper hand. Let your children learn a different lesson.
     
    Last edited: May 7, 2021
  10. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Silver IL'ite

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    Looks like his nature will never change, Ignore and find peace or just Insult him back and touch his ego!
     
    shreepriya likes this.

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