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how to handle cunning and mean sister in law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by srita, Jul 11, 2009.

  1. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Srita ,

    How you take what I said is upto you, But I never meant to hurt you or the last thing in my mind was to be harsh. I apologise if you were made to feel that way. That wasnt what I intended. Really. I could always stay away from your thread and you dont have to stay away from IL because of me. Seriously.

    I would have been blunt and didnt look like I empathised you, yes. But then, I did give my unbiased opinon. I told you , she could have felt inferior and that would obviously mean that she felt you were superior. Maybe you didnt intend but she would have felt so. I just told you not to expect any love or respect from her so that it simply dissapoints you. That is all. If all, that you wanted me to say is agree to you and say take care.. then I am so sorry. I didnt know that was what I was supposed to do. I dont take the privilige of being a Moderator to reply to members.. I am a member first, i hope you understand. Being a Moderater doesnt give us the audacity to talk anything. I have always given honest opinions. It may sound blunt, but then I can never say fancy words for every given situation isnt. All said and done, I do have my patience and do treat my patients with respect. If that is really important to you.

    You can come over and over to IL, Srita. Dont bother I will stay away from your thread if any and I again apologise if my post hurt you.

    God Bless !
     
  2. saddestiny

    saddestiny Bronze IL'ite

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    srita we are here in online world. everyone has different opinion. some may agree with you, some will disagree and some will objectively respond your replies. Don't take it personal. Its same in the real world also. We may not agree with everyone or like everyone. Also we must respect that each one has their own opinion, may not necessarily agree with or correspond to our personal opinions. as humans we would like to hear something favorable for us. it hardly happens like that in real world. each has their own different perspective.

    i too used to be sensitive before. I was not a mature person. I learnt lot of lessons in 3yrs of marriage, only by bad experience. So really, I am also not originally a mature sensible person. Everyone learns differently. In my case I learnt through some very very bad experiences. Now I know how to handle things better and deal with maturity. Let not emotions rule decisions.

    There is always 2 sides to a coin, may not be your side. But learn to accept that there is another side or another opinion.

    take only good(or what you feel is good). Filter the rest. Once you learn this, you will learn more things in life, online or offline.

    Take care, Best.
     
  3. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Srita,

    I have two married brothers and from my personal experience, agree and empathize with your feelings of hurt.

    HOWEVER, I do not agree with the way you have handled these issues. If you feel that your SIL is being mean and nasty to you behind your brother's back, then you should confront her directly... TO HER FACE. Going to your brother and asking him to intervene will not work. In fact, it will only make the situation worse.

    Handle any and all issues with your SIL directly instead of referring these to your brother and asking HIM to play referee. Because this will only create problems between husband and wife, and, eventually, will come back to bite you in the butt. After all, they are a married couple and you are "only" the sister. Before you know it, you will QUICKLY be labeled the "trouble-maker" and even your brother could turn against you. Don't let this happen...just take matters into your own hands. When your SIL makes funny faces, call her on it. When she tries to be rude to you, ask her what is chapping her behind. When she refuses to acknowledge your arrival at her house, just ignore her and look for your brother yourself. You get my drift?

    Yes, a husband's priority is his wife, but that does not mean that siblings cease to exist. You should mind boundaries and respect your SIL's personal space, but there is no way on God's green Earth that you will cease to exist for your brother. Aien't gonna happen. And the sooner you drive home this point to your SIL, the better.

    Good luck!
     
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    srita,

    I'm sorry you took whatever Dr Preethi said in a bad way. Fact is, she is a very kind hearted lady who has the best intentions. She has helped soooo many of us here on this site. Her advice is usually 99.9% spot on. The question is, do you want useful straight forward advice? Or did you just come here for moral support? Because if you just want people to agree with you or feel sorry, you should say so in the first post itself. Then we would all nod our heads and agree that we too have had problems with one inlaw or another. But obviously when you come seeking help, you will get people giving candid analysis of your situation. We are all here to support each other, so why must we sugar coat every piece of advice?? You reacted very sensitively to Preethi's suggestion, and it makes me wonder if perhaps you have been over sensitive with your sil too.

    Preethi had said exactly right... that some people do not appreciate help in this world. maybe your sil is just that type of person. maybe she looks at your success and feels she has not accomplished as much. Even if you are so sweet, some people still get insecure like that. And reality is, again like Preethi said, your brother has been married 8 years. He is not going to shake things up in his house with his WIFE because of you. I know as a sibling that hurts to hear, but that is the truth. I really don't know how to say that in a sweeter way. So best is to handle your sil yourself and ask her plainly what her problem is. Most likely sil is not going to change her ways after all this time, so AGAIN like Preethi said, avoid visiting her! Relationships don't stay the same forever. The brother/sister relationship will always be there, but if you are continually getting hurt trying to maintain the relationship, it would be best for you to let the situation cool and keep your distance for the time being. If you feel you can do it, handle your sil's antics one-on-one. But if you are waiting with the expectation that your brother will confront his wife, sorry to say I think you are going to be dissapointed.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2009
  5. ucantseemebaby

    ucantseemebaby New IL'ite

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    Sarita... common .. u seems to b a nice Educated Lady... dont u know how to USE those cameras with Video Recording option :idea

    Go Ahead... show off ur recording skills .. n play it when both are present...

    Let evidences speak... :thumbsup
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Srtia, in response to your reply #8 and #9, I really feel you have some issues, you are too harsh on Dr preetis, for just what she posted which to me was reasonable, you have replied in real harsh way and also some things you said which were out of proportion, what Dr preetis said was from the pov to help you , I Can see that, no doubt you saw it otherwise due to your own feelings, but to reply to dr preethis such a way is not right, you could have raised your objection that was it... she would have clarified,

    saying that she is not doing that to her patients and all this is bull ***, I wonder with your patience level how would you deal with other issues in life, this is just a friendly suggestion and no way I am biased for DR preethis. After reading your post 8 and 9 I myself felt offended, I can only imagine how drpreethis felt it..

    Dr preethis some people can get direct without any reason, when one replies in a way some people come with abuse in return, this is what I noticed in my thread too.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
  7. spap

    spap Senior IL'ite

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    Srita,
    I feel sorry for how your sil treats you. At the same time, I wonder why you are so sensitive to Drpreethis reply. Personally, I think she is one of the members here who give "practical" suggestions. I have read many of her suggestions (including my own problem) and her suggestion definitely has some rationale behind it. People here are trying to help everybody else out without even knowing who they are. Please be appreciative of that fact.

    You are not forced to take these advise and suggestions. If you don't like the advise, you could have ignored it.

    Now coming to your sil, as everyone said please don't tell this to your brother and ask him to confront his wife. I have been on the other side of the same situation and I really don't like my husband asking me something that was told by his sister or parents. If you really think your sil is insulting you, then you should reduce talking to her. If she doesn't tell you anything, you don't have to tell her anything too..
    If she asks you too many questions, then start trying to respond to her the way she does to you.

    I have a brother who is married and I don't talk to my sil that often. Our relationship is still cordial. We both are from different families and ofcourse we have different ideas and opinions. So, I thought if we start interfering too much it might not be good and she is also very polite to me. We respect each other and it is smooth.

    Anyways, these are just my personal opinions and experiences. No offense meant.
     
  8. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Looks like Srita is logged off for good after her post 8 and 9, we are talking with the wall?
     

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