how to handle between care taker & MIL in case of DS

Reesha · Dec 4, 2014

hi,

as part of my planning of getting back to work, i hired my old maid as care taker to baby(10 month old). because she can avail as per my convenient timings where as her house is near to mine. Ok. from 1 week onwards, i asked care taker to come for 2 hours daily so that baby & she can spend time together to form attachment. but i am observing that, when ever i tried to assign lunch feeding work of baby to her, my MIL is interfering immediately & asking me like "give me bowl. i will feed him".(originally it's happy to hear like that from her. because she will care DS apatity almost like me). but she(MIL) is having joint pains. so she prefered to make my DS sit in one place & forced him to swallow food. even though DS close to her, some times DS will reject to eat from her because his mind adopted to me(he entered in phase of separation anxiety with me from 1 month onwards). so that if any other person have to feed him, they has to divert him by making him mobile like using walker or keeping him in their hands & showing him different colorful objects& walls colors in different rooms so on...so in diversion he will swallow food with out [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]tantrum.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]i knew, MIL loves DS. but there is situation that DS should form close relationship with care taker for future purpose. so to teach some thing to care taker about DS situation, i need to make her use of DS. but MIL is interfering a lot & taking DS with her when ever i am trying to assign his work to care taker. care taker looking at me & question marked face like "what work i have to do now?". if i strongly oppose MIL in DS case, it will hurt her lovely relation towards DS. read my problems in my post
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/working-women/263905-how-face-tiny-problems-babies.html

[/FONT]to solve above problem i hired care taker so that i can guide/order care taker freely as per my wish but can't MIL.[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]it is bit sensitive issue. so suggest me how i can handle this situation with out hurting MIL feelings.[/FONT]

superwoman09 · Dec 4, 2014

Sometimes MIL/older people feel it is not best for the child to eat in front of anybody else especially maids/caretaker as they feel that they might cast an evil eye/buri nazar. Maybe that is the case with your MIL too. If that is the case, let MIL feed the baby if hungry later caretaker can give something to eat.

Laks09 · Dec 4, 2014

Reesha - Your MIL's policy is the best. If the baby is mobile while eating he won't sit down to eat 1 year from now when he has to sit and eat. It's the best thing to put him in one place and feed him without distractions. If not, he will need to be coaxed with distractions even at a stage where you will want him to self feed.
Regarding the care taker, since your MIL is around, let her gauge how much she can do vs how much to let the caretaker handle. She may take time to trust this nanny fully. Once she develops the trust, she will probably delegate more responsibilities to her.
regsrding your son, babies will adjust sooner than you think. In a week he will be fine with his nanny. Don't worry about him. He may cry the initial week but then he will get used to his new routine, just like how it is when kids start school initially.

Goos luck on the transition back to work. Hope everything goes smoothly!

yellowmango · Dec 4, 2014

You can tell your mil that you are training the care taker to feed your child when your mil is visiting her other son.Tell her I don't want the child to feel he is being taken care of by a stranger....when she is not there for him.

preethiitech · Dec 4, 2014

Yes, sitting and down and eating is best taught from younger ages

YoGirl · Dec 4, 2014

Very soon your MIL will get tired and will automatically look for your maid to take up some tasks..so chill.
If you don't keep maid, then H will feel so bad for his mom that she is taking care of grandchild and that you are working mom and will sympathize her to such an extent that you will start pulling your hair..
So, let the maid come home regularly. Once your MIL starts trusting her, it will be a smooth ride and she will also have someone to talk to.

AprilLisa · Dec 4, 2014

yes.. its best to teach to child to sit at one place and eat.....i am facing the outcome of the other practice.... i let my kid eat anywhere when he was younger...and now he is 4 yrs, still I face a lot of issue, making him sit at one place and eat, every 10 mins he needs a break.... so here in this case at least, let your MIL lead the way...

Anamika99 · Dec 5, 2014

eating at one place is better, i never ran around my son - consciously made that decision

if your MIL is going to leave eventually ...tell her

"u do such a great job with DS, i will not have chance to train nanny but I am so glad u r around now that she has started coming, you can teach her how you do things for DS and train her so it will be great help for me"