"How to handle a possessive mother-in-law?"

thanks for the tips.

just want to add this

my husband is only child. Once my elder brother said in normal talks( my aunt too have only son) that ek bete ki maa ko khatra hota hai ki meri bahu mere bete ko merese sheen legi.

This helped me alot to think clearly from her side too.
I don't know if this will help anybody here, but this shiksha from my brother made mine and my MIL's relation like mother and daughter.

thanks

 

lzac very well said :hatsoff:hatsoff:hatsoff:hatsoff:hatsoff:hatsoff to you

 

this is such a great article, why didn't i read it before hats to to those who have wriiten it!!

 

yep me too in future, if ever my in laws visit us in future

 

Hi ,

I got married 10 months before... Am working in S/W company and my Husband is working in his core. We are in a join family.My husband has one sister and brother. His sister is studying and his brother is working in small company. Before marriage all his family members are good . They used to chat with me daily..but after marriage my life switch entirely... My MIL started to scold me and blame me for each and every things....sometimes she uses vulgar words also and shout out my family members also....She is not allow us to went out lonely... she is not allow me to cook and even serve to my husband.. Not only my MIL but also my husband's sister alos did the same only. Upto 9 months my husband not accept my feeling and he support his family only ...They used that...Now only he realize his mistake and started to feel for me .... . My SIL doesnt give respect to me..Daily we are travel around 4 hours for both up and down. I asked him why cant we both change our house near office. He used to refuse this. He used to his his whole salary to his family.

I cant able to blame him because he is the elder son and he has to wait until his siter get married and his brother is settled in life.His father cant able to manage that family by his earnings.. So only they are not allow us to come out of their house...But i cant able to stay there .. I want to come out from that family...

Anyone please tell me the solution or suggestion to me....PLZ...

 

Awesome post. :thumbsup Totally liked it.

 

I am wondering , if I have only son and how will I behave .... we are not ready to share our 2 yr old son with any other relative like mil /fil or any relatives , we think what we mothers do is best for our kid.. so why shouldnt our mil think that whatever she does is best for her son ! we need to deal with this with maturity , treat mil with love and care .. for doing so much for your husband. Actually my mil thinks , what ever she does is best for me too ... at this situation I become a small kid to her and accept her care , rather thinking "I can take care of myself" ..
Imagine what old age could be ? I have seen many selfish wives who controll their husband's interaction towards his parents and relatives.. and if the wife blocks all the contact what will happen of poor parents who slogged all their life to bring up their kid .. could happen this way to us also..
So possessiveness could be handled , by giving care , love and trust. Make in laws understand that you have come to live with them as an addition to family and not to split ... ofcourse to build this trust it takes few years of time..

Now coming to why should we do all these why cannot I be as I am , we need to do this because we are going to be there in their shoe in few years! ... need to teach our sons and daughters that the older generations have to be treated well with care , respect and with RESPONSIBILITY. Not just ignore them or hate them because they are possessive.

 

Hi all,

I agree with most of the points mentioned by everyone.
Even though my husband is not the only son, my MIL is possesive. We stay away from inlaws, so when ever we are around my mil, i try to give her all time n attention of my husband, so that she doesn't feel that i am stealing something from her. But still not sure why she always rushes to grab his attention whereas i am no where in the race for things like serving him his meal, helping him to rub his back while bathing etc...

when ever she does this kind act, i feel why shuld i give her this chance...

Also, say if we are going on family outing, she packs food, n other necessary things only for 4 people(MIL, FIL, Husband n BIL), what should i do??where shuld i go???

Though its been 3yrs of married life, they don't consider me as their family member...i try to take care of them in all ways which ever i can do from my end...

feel so hurted that they don't consider me as family member...my mom n dad n husband try to convince me saying that these kinda bonding wuld take some time...not sure when will that happen.
Where as my parents had accepted my husband as family member as soon as we got engaged.

Wuld like yo add 1 more point- in public she shows off as if she cares a lot for me...but actually this is not true
If she has to inform me abt any pooja to be performed..she doesn't call me directly n tell..instead she tells my husband...n he wuld forget as usual...

Not sure if any one of us also hav same kinda problem

 

Dear Shanti,
Please remember this will only get worse when you are married and living with them. All the love and affection may not continue from their side after marriage. Go in it with eyes wide open, zero expectations and for your guy to be completely supporting his mom and not you.
If you are ok with this and able to handle it you will be ok. Otherwise think about it very seriously. It's easier to get over a heart break than a divorce and I have gone through both. Not my intention to scare you but life is not a fairy tale. So be very careful.