"How to handle a possessive mother-in-law?"

The best advice for a girl who is facing problems from MIL and SIL. Happy to see a person who can understand the family system. Thanks for the article.

 

Hi!
So I am dating this guy and we have a really good relationship....we hope to get married in the future(not very soon...say about 2 years from now)....The thing is he is the only son (he has an older sister).....his mother is a widow and she practically brought them up all on her own. She's a doctor...a very strong woman and I respect her very highly. However,,...for obvious reasons she is very possesive about her son...and believes in taking every decision for him. I can totally understand (even my parents are very possesive about me...).....but he has made it very clear tht after she retires from her job she will be living with us. This scares the hell out of me. I am a very independent woman and so is she.....I am afraid it will lead to some major ego clash...My question is...............should I continue with the realtionship at all ...knowing full well what I am getting myself into? Or shud I just stop worrying so much in advance and let things take its course? He is a great guy....the best I've ever known.......and I dont want to lose him over some imagines issues which might not even come true......but then again.......as some1 said somewhr in this forum.....a heartbreak is easier to handle than a bad marriage....

 

Oopssii- if you go by the threads here, most mothers are really possessive about their sons. Also a known devil is better than an unknown angel

If you guys have a really good understanding and trust, let him know how you feel. Yeah since you have couple of years to go, stop worrying .

 

Agree, most women in India face this issue..even if you marry someone else, there is no guarantee that you wont face this issue!!

 

I think you should talk to him about what you feel and then go ahead with your decisions.....see his reactions when you really disclose what you feel....

 

Thanks so much for your reply! I did talk to him about it....his first reaction was to fear tht I will leave him for this(i never hinted anything like tht)....second was to get defensive....tht I am imagining things....that his mother will never interfere in our personal life...........after a couple of days he cooled down enough to realize tht what I said isnt that improbable after all....and said..." we will work it out....have faith in me......trust that I will always keep you happy" Now thats very encouraging to hear....but still......

 

I am now married 7 yrs (no kids). Last year my father in law expired and since then she is staying with us. I have observed her possessiveness very much. She cares too much for her son and even sometimes argue on the choices of food like he did not eat this, and that (actually i have not observed the items not liked by my husband which she tells that he didnt like). I was trying to be with her like friend and use to discuss what she likes. Whole day she sits idle . I tried to ask her to do something like writing receipes etc but she refused. She has become too possessive and does not beleive on me. Each and every thing (minor or major) she wants to re-confirm with her son. She dosent believe on me at all. Many times my husbad expects me to take care of her and when i do that she doest not belive at all. I think the point mentioned that "Do not discuss your personal relationship with your husband with her. You never know when she might use it as information to be used against you." is very important. Once i shared with her something-"Like her son is now taking care of me and has changed a lot when i got ill". I think, this was the biggest mistake. after that she always come in between our communication. Now almost there is zero communication between me and my husband. We thought pf planniong for kids but this thing has affected our relationship. My MIL is always behind her son and also i have observed that when we have any arguments or fight, she is very happy and always is with her son. I am now really failing to TACKLE this

 

This is the same problem that i face in my life also. from the day 1 of my marriage had been going through all these hurdles. Please help to get rid, but my husband never comes for a seperate home, he is thinking about money, if we make seperate house these much if money will have to be spent. And expenditures will be more like that.

 

Some points are good, but I have to disagree with the aadvice to suck up to her. Thats really really bad advice.

 

I am also facing this same problem. Feeling helpless...?