1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How to get rid of nosy and complaining in-laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by persecutedDIL, Aug 29, 2013.

  1. persecutedDIL

    persecutedDIL Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    480
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    My in-laws are very nosy and want to know and assess everything that's happening in our lives, so they call up my husband every morning and every evening to get a daily digest and my husband is happy to satisfy all their queries. FIL even calls me and if i dont answer his call he immediately calls up hubby or my father to complain that i didnt answer the phone.

    But before that a background. My husband's family is a nouveau riche family who had a lower middle class upbringing. We are from an illustrious family in our community even though we also had a very middle class upbringing and values. Since it was an inter-caste marriage my inlaws side never bothered to check our credentials so they didnt even know about our high lineage. We are also from a very educated family which is not the case on my inlaws side. This seems to be a running inferiority complex thread in my in-laws side as they have been discovering our lineage etc over time.

    1.) I hate it when they call my hubby even when we are sharing a private and romantic moment and i hate it even more when my husband answers the call and talks with them then while he is out on a date with me or is in the bedroom with me. What is wrong with my husband ? Are all men like that ?
    He refuses to understand and accept that i feel hurt when he shares my time with them or for that matter with anyone. Even when i am in his arms, he takes their call.

    2.) He doesn't love me either. Both of us sleep in different rooms since the last 8 months. He goes to his room, switches on his laptop and watches movie all the time. He even plays **** games which i find quite disgusting. He taunts me for the one hour i spend on TV everyday after returning from work and claims i have no right to interfere in his life when i cant sacrifice watching TV.

    3.) Most recently he is relocating abroad so that he can earn enough to buy a house for his parents who already have a house in a small town. They have expressed desire to move to a bigger town on grounds of safety to house and property. Is it right on their part to expect a house from their married son who has other responsibilities too and when we don't have a house ? Most recently, I came to know that they don't plan to stay in that house but rather plan to lock that house and stay with us. So my husband will spend all his savings as well as EMI on a house that will remain locked with useless stuff. What kind of a husband would do that ? Why doesn't he see that they are so selfish ? Why is an unreasonable demand considered as demands of an ailing parent ? My FIL always whines and talks in a crying complaining tone.

    4.) I want to have a kid but with the wishes/demands that my Inlaws keep on making, I am scared that he would ignore my baby too. So it is better to have no kid at all. Do you think he could change after our child is born ? I feel that there would be even more politics on the child after it is born. My hubby insists that his mom should come and stay with us during my pregnancy knowing fully well I cant stand her. No, I don't say anything rude or disrespectful to her when she comes to our place or when i meet her. In fact, I dont speak to her beyond basic formality usually that pertains to daily meal. Owing to my hubby's demand I am scared to get pregnant , scared at the thought how hellish my life would become when she comes. What kind of husband is he ? Or am i being unreasonable ?

    5.) Hubby keeps on verbally abusing me very frequently whenever he fights. He doesn't respect me at all and he doesn't respect my family either. He cannot take any criticism and the moment i pinpoint his flaws or his parents' nosy attitude, he flares up. HE HAS TURNED ME OUT OF HOUSE ON TWO OCCASIONS, and ATTEMPTED TO STRANGLE ME ON TWO DIFFERENT OCCASIONS. I complained about it to his father and guess what they said - Divorce my son if you can't adjust and are so incompatible.
    I love my husband and it completely shattered me. What kind of father wants his son's divorce ? And what kind of man connives at his son's attempt to strangle his wife ? I don't trust any of them now. He keeps using expletive for me all the time. I hate him for that.

    6.) Most importantly, my FIL HAS KNOCKED OUR BEDROOM WHEN WE WERE SLEEPING and he has done it more than once. My hubby doesn't mind when his father knocks at our bedroom door in the morning ostensibly to wake us up as if we are not a couple but siblings, on the grounds that he has always woken. Once my FIL sat in our bedroom during cricket match until 1am leaving me to wander in the corridors even though i had office the next morning and even though i had come to see my hubby (we stayed in different cities then). My hubby doesn't want to grow up and my inlaws dont see anything wrong in that either. On the contrary they indulge him like he were a kid. My MIL saw my husband in underwears in the bedroom and she didnt leave the bedroom even when she saw me standing outside my bedroom. What kind of mother -son relationship is that ? When she saw me, she grinned at me wickedly. Is my hubby psychologically abnormal or is his mother abnormal mistaking her son for her husband ?

    7.) Why do my inlaws behave like this ? Are they immature or selfish or greedy or evil ? The day I entered my inlaws house after marriage, my MIL taunted me and my parents on gifts and other things and crossed limits in badmouthing my parents which is totally unacceptable to me. This has become constant cause of our fights. She even taunted at our wedding ring gifted from our side which is so very hurtful, esp when she and FIL spent not a penny from their pocket on our marriage, leave alone gifting anyone from our side. I find them suffering from ' me too, me too' syndrome and are quite demanding. They want AC, they want car, they want house, they want expensive vacations, MIL wants jewellery and what not. Aren't they greedy and selfish?

    8.) Most recently we had a fight and he has switched off his phone and blocked my mails and we are again in different cities.

    All this has caused a lot of mental trauma to me and in the last 8 months for the first time i have seen my hairs turning grey so rapidly and lost appetite for food at home. I skip dinners every now and then. I don't feel like talking to anyone now. I don't wish to talk to even my hubby who has left me in the lurch because i feel so hurt. When i told him that he couldn't even STAND UP FOR HIS WIFE, then he famously remarked - I can't STAND MY WIFE, NOT STAND UP FOR MY WIFE.

    PLEASE HELP BEFORE I DIE of grief . I am in hell till i receive responses.
     
    Loading...

  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,160
    Likes Received:
    27,123
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    1. What is high lineage?
    2. Is there a corresponding low lineage?
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. shrutimanjunath

    shrutimanjunath Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,095
    Likes Received:
    532
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    talk to your hubby about all these problems. every man is different. IF u and ur hubby are in same page, then things will go very much smooth. tell ur hubby that private time is for privacy. if he thinks ur watching too much of tv, try to get rid of it for few days and see if he gets rid of his habits.

    one thing what i feel from ur post is ur hubby might be raised in that way or his mom might have made him like that. solve ur problems one by one. u can also visit a family counsellor.
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,642
    Likes Received:
    23,052
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Your husband threw you out, tried to strangle you and sleeps in another room with a laptop and **** for company.....and your number one problem as cited by you is that the ILs call too often.

    Forget about the Il....try and sort out the problems between you two first.Inlaws don't stay with you right now.Don't let their calls bother you too much. If they call at night and it disturbs your intimate time....disconnect or switch off the phone.
     
    8 people like this.
  5. LindaSenorita

    LindaSenorita Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear hugs to you....i know we all come to IL so that we can get clear understanding of the issue and if i am not wrong some sympathy...coz we dont get that from OUR v.close ones when needed :drowning....so instead of criticizing on any of your irrelevant gestures in your post i wanna go ahead and help you with certain things to have atleast a bit peace of mind for yourself...
    1)First and foremost you remove from your mind the lineage difference you are having in your mind...cz trust me though you are talking sweetly with your DH or ILs this thing is going on at the back of your mind and plays the culprit later..
    2)You say you and your hubby dnt stay together...trust me long distance relationships do cause a issue and differences...so try max to be with your DH as and when possible...this will improve your relation with him n try to be affectionate whenever u both r together..
    3)You both stay in different rooms and i m sure you must be sulking the whole time when this happens :hide:....so instead of troubling yourself so much try to give up your TV time(for time being...) and try to spend quality time wth ur DH..Once your DH notices you are genuinely trying i m sure he is no monster to treat you like dirt...
    4)When things go on to become better tell him that the physical and mental agony he caused to you was just not justified and trust me he will understand...
    5)Once you both are on good terms, ILs cant mingle merrily in between you...so first bond with your hubby and ILs can alwaz be taken care of...tel him sweetly how to divide his quality time between you and them...:cheers

    Sometimes we need to stand up for our life ourselves to make it better...we ourselves also have to swallow our ego for our better tomorrow...so rit now invest in your present for a fruitful future with your hubby...:coffee
    Kindly excuse me if i have been wrong in suggesting you something inappropriate....Best of luck to u dear..:thumbsup
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    737
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    First of all, prioritize your many problems.

    Its a LOVE marriage and there is domestic violence/ frequent fights/ separate bedrooms etc etc.

    Lady, solve the problem with your husband first and then think about IL/ other domestic issues. The husband-wife relationship here is nowhere to be seen..!!
     
    2 people like this.
  7. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    482
    Likes Received:
    767
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    I don't think you needed to mention anything about lineage etc, but since you started with that this may be part of your problem, maybe you come across as a snobby individual and that is why IL not treating you properly. That is just a side note. The main issues here are your problems with your DH, he is violent and not being nice to you. You need to address his abuse issues, and your personal issues before you can tackle in law issues.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    2,635
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry I can't be of much help. But one bit of advice

    Never complain about your husband to inlaws. It's like poking your eyes with your own finger.

    Oh yes, they will be happy to get you both divorced just to prove to their son that love marriages don't work...
     
    2 people like this.
  9. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,785
    Likes Received:
    7,301
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello OP,

    The second thing above ought to have been your first point. Before he succeeds in strangling you, leave him. Physical violence, whatever the reason, should never be tolerated. You have a good job. You come from a good family. You deserve better than this man you married.

    The first thing above is proof that this is actually not a marriage at all! Again, leave him.

    NEVER EVER have children with this guy. Not now. Not ever. You might hear from your parents/ other elders that having children will solve your problems. It is wrong. It ought to be against the law for couples who do not have a harmonious married life to procreate and bring an innocent child into the picture knowing that they are not going to be able to provide a happy home to it...
     
    3 people like this.
  10. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,398
    Likes Received:
    1,347
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,

    If you divert and focus your thoughts and energy on saving yourself...you'll be better rewarded.

    Please do NOT make the mistake of neglecting your health and appearance...or those could be the next items on their taunt menu.

    That's why they will continue treating you this way - they know you'll forever be putting up with all of their abuse because you 'love' your husband.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page