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How To Get Respect As Housewife?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very true I have also faced this...I can understand your situation.
    I have worked for 5 years while I was in India.After moving away from India, I had to quit my job since my husband got transferred .Now Everyone asks the same question. You have so much of time what do you do all the day. Cooking only for 2 people there won't be much work for you how do you spend the whole time???

    And today I got very much annoyed since my MIL told me that I should have stayed and worked in INDIA until I get transferred to my DH location.

    So my reply was there is no GUARANTEE that they will transfer me to that location in spite of completing 2 years and there might be some more eligible candidates than me and they will chose them over me.And I wont get both opportunities if I had done that :rage:.

    (I asked my company for transfer but they dint agree telling I had joined this company only a year before and min 2 years are required for onsite.Hence had to QUIT. One more thing was my DH had to leave India within a month of marriage and I left after 4 months since she wanted me to stay for some more months due to festivals and all.
    She herself is a housewife with 2 maids coming daily).

    I felt I was little harsh to her but it was not my problem for my current situation since I tried my level best to ask my employer for my transfer.
    And according to her I should stay away from my DH for sake of money???
    In tat case why even she got her son married to me :tearsofjoy:. She is more bothered about my job than me or my DH. Whenever she calls me the most expected question is when will you get work permit and have you got any offers.I'm fed up of answering her :neutral:.

    I have seen many people giving value to working woman than housewives.

    But they may not understand that SAH is not that easier sometimes!
    And one thing I understood was no matter what we as a woman must be capable enough to earn money at least to meet our own personal expenses instead of always asking partners for money for such small things. Which can be done even by doing small business right at home!
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2018
  2. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    .@shravs3 whatever your MIL talking Is wriong. It's not correct to stay away from husband just to earn some more money only . I don't know how can any mother want that for her son . Be strong .
    I do agree women should try to be financially independent , doesn't matter even if earning is very less .We live in patriarchal society and it will not recognise a housewife's contribution .It will take decades for society to change attitude towards women.financial independence in whatever capacity , gives more decision making power .
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2018
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I feel I was reading my mom's story here. As a teen and later when I was working, I thought SHAM is no big deal, lots of free time and time to take nap watch TV etc.
    But when moved to another country with v
    Work visa restrictions , myself became SHAM now I'm realizing how tough it is.

    One advise is just ignore outsiders comments.
    If DH says something tell him install an IP camera or fix a camera and shoot whole day's work. Then only he will know, you are not whiling away the time.
    Pick up a hobby, learn new language
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    :clap2:
     
    Needtobestrong, Giri12 and sindmani like this.
  5. pranavi1987

    pranavi1987 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes I agree with some of the comments here. SAHM is very tough especially when you have kids.

    OP dont worry about what others think of you, or how others treat you. I think there is a big change in number of women working from last generation to this generation, These days expectations are women should contribute financially to the household and as well as do all the chores in the home. Expectations from the society is like that, when women is sharing the responsibility of financial contribution in the home, why cant men share the responsibility of house hold chores?

    If a women is dedicated her self to be a housewife/SAHM she is not valued( most of the time MIL feels that way) that the burden of family is on her DS, If they feel that way, why should they get their son married ? He would have stayed at home with Dear Mommy through out the life with out any responsibilities.

    Do you think working women are respected always, even if she is a leader, she should hear comments as - She manages bunch of people, but what's the use? she cannot manage her own home? she cannot cook properly on time.... the list goes on.

    So you dont worry what MIL says or some other people say about your work status. Society keeps pressure on people by saying one thing or other. It is better to ignore their comments, and be happy from inside. No matter others values us or not, we should give respect to ourselves.
     
  6. IniyaaSri

    IniyaaSri IL Hall of Fame

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    @Needtobestrong

    I have been in this situation and can relate very well. Below is my opinion.( Sorry for the lengthy response)

    If you are really happy and satisfied with being at home, just ignore what others say and enjoy being at home. why to suck all the nuisance outside when you are happy inside. (hope that makes sense). I know it might be tough when everyone is pricking you. But finally we are the directors of our mind and its actions.

    But if you really cannot ignore, make them understand what you are doing from morning to night. Let them see how much work you do in a day. Tell them how satisfied you are with your life. Finally, only your satisfaction matters. Even then if people doesn't understand or they look down, then I say they dont deserve any explanation. They have the problem and why do you suffer for their problem... You have got no other choice other than ignoring to save your peace of mind

    And you will feel insecure(whenever someone comments on you) only if you are feeling bad about yourself. Or you are feeling unworthy of yourself. Think hard on What opinion you have on you! That is more important. If you think you are fine and nothing is wrong, then go ahead and enjoy your life. Not every kid is lucky to have SAHM. Your kids are lucky.

    Again Think hard on what opinion you have on you. Are you making things that will make you happy? If your life is too monotonous you might get irritated when people asks you those mentioned questions. You shall try learning something new(of your interest). That would definitely help to see the new you or the beauty/skill in you. And never forget to make your kids realize your contribution to the family. Never skip that.

    If your hubby doesn't have any problem in you being SAHM, then there is nothing to worry about. If he has problem, then sit and talk with him and make him understand. Finally its just you and him and not anyone else. So his part is quite important in this issue. And according to me, there is no necessity for a woman to work(if she is not willing) since she is already contributing to the family in all aspects except earning money. She is more powerful and she needs to show her importance at least to her kids. And yes I know the practical world. But we got to do it.

    In case, if you are really missing being a employed women, then think about it. Try to work on it. May be a work from home job, or some other similar options to quench your thirst. So get clarity whether you want to work or you are happy this way.

    Last but not least, when I read the points that you have mentioned, I felt few things are inhuman. When you are not feeling well, never ever do the work for the family unless the house is burning. You are a human being and no one can make you suffer when you are not well. Illness doesn't depend on family member's working hours. If you are not feeling well, just rest. Let the family realize how important you are. Let the kids see how the flow gets interrupted if a home maker takes leave/permission. Do not allow people to treat you the way they want dear.

    I personally felt everything you said are by mother in law. In case if most of the comments are by in laws , leave it. Whatever we do, most of the in-laws will never like it. Some people doesn't change and its a waste of time. And if your friends are looking down, remember they are not your friends. If friendship runs on the basis of employment status, then that can never be friendship. So stop wasting time on them. And regarding the final point, stupid comparisons always do exist dear! Ignore ignore and ignore. If you need maid, make sure you get it somehow. Do not suffer. No one will live your life dear. Only you got to live. Live it happily.

    Just make sure your husband and kids are happy and have respect on you. Thats it. Finally its you!!!
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2018
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies..I was feeling upset recently and vented out..
    Couldn't get time to individually reply but have gone thru all of them.
    Overwhelmed by the encouraging replies..
    I don't have a problem with being a home maker and SAHM per se as I m hundred percent sure I made the correct decision. Many reasons for it.
    But it's the attitude of people and being taken for granted and lack of respect that I feel bad about.
    During "free time " which is very very limited to half or one hour per day, I like browsing , watching interesting documentaries, romantic comedies, serial episodes , or just taking a small nap which I could never do during working days..
    I'm also a lot better in doing cooking and household maintenance tasks , could make many good foodstuffs which I dint do previously when busy with work schedules and work stress.
    And yes I need a maid for help with cleaning work and I don't see any reason why I shouldn't keep maid just because I'm not a "working woman".
    And if I'm not feeling well I also feel like taking rest till I feel better, I'm not a superwoman who can work like machine in all circumstances.
    My feelings and priorities were perfectly sorted out, until I experience the attitude of other people and they take me for granted.
     
    sindmani and shravs3 like this.
  8. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    And yes I need a maid for help with cleaning work and I don't see any reason why I shouldn't keep maid just because I'm not a "working woman".

    I have heard this too.I hate cleaning toilets thats the reason. Once my MIL asked me how I clean and cook.
    At that time I said I call cleaner once , for that she said since you are not working u have more than enough time to clean. (I was newly married, young girl). If you dont mind, I would like to know why you prefer a maid for cleaning work and how often?
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  9. satya15

    satya15 New IL'ite

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    All I can say is don't bother much about SAHM or working women. Its about how you and your husband look at you. If he doesn't look down at you for being a housewife, then who cares about what others feel (even your relatives)? If he looks down at you, then i don't know what to say.

    If others feel that you sit at home doing nothing, why can't they do the same? If you and your husband are comfortable you being a stay at home, then why do you care about others looking down at you and why do you expect respect from them? Its your family and you are doing what it suits you.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  10. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Ahem ... surely you're not agreeing with the critics? :wink1:
     

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