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How To Get Respect As Housewife?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    a general question from a home maker to other home makers who left job due to family and health reasons:
    How do u get respect from DH and in laws and acquaintances who take you for granted?
    I'm listing down common remarks that I usually get from people in different situations :
    1. When I get up half n hour late because I'm unwell - "you are a housewife , why don't u get up by 5.30 and do the cooking. U are anyways free the whole day to relax..why u make others to do your work if u are unwell ".
    2. When I fall sick : "how come u are falling sick?u are sitting at home through out the day I wonder how u manage to become ill. You are simply imagining it. "
    3. When relatives are coming from outstation :"invite them for lunch and stay and entertain them, you are anyways a housewife and free the whole day."
    4.if I arrange maid for cleaning or cooking or other chores for help:" why do u arrange maid it's not necessary , we used to do all work on our own managing two kids with no maid no cook ".
    5. "Ladies should do all cooking and household work on their own..gents shouldn't enter the kitchen at all..if u are unable to do all household and cooking why u get married?"
    6. If I ask some friend where they are working, no reply from them as they think I m not worth answering to. Many of them highly qualified, highly paid friends, do look down upon me, I can make out from body language and response to conversations.
    7."Mrs A is so good and efficient, she manages her household, job and kids and she cooks herself she is so great..(fact: she has live in 24-hour domestic helps, who do cooking cleaning, and childcare and her husband is very supportive, works from home and takes care of certain domestic responsibilities..she doesn't have to lift a finger other than making babyfood for her toddler. And maybe one simple Indian dish?..Its really not right praising her overly and putting me down saying I'm not as good as her )..

    I feel bad. Why do people take home makers for granted? Is a woman great only if she works in a big MNC and gets huge pay package? And how do u deal with such situations?
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2018
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  2. Giri12

    Giri12 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Needtobestrong
    I totally agree with ur all points. I am still searching for d answer of same question. Its unfortunately true that housewives dnt get that much respect as do the working women. Everybody just take housewives for granted. I have experienced both n frankly speaking i also prefer working woman title. I get tremendous weakness by doing both work n house work but i also get a bit of respect. When i was housewife even i was expected to do all household chores with no maid help. Even while working i had no choice of maid because of my family members believe it as waste of money. Being housewife my confidence was low n whole day i was in same negative emotion state. While going out really makes u confident.
    I feel even as a housewife you should be updated with latest news latest events should learn new hobbies should do something to earn income. Should master all household jobs should save money and should earn money too. Dnt be typical housewife type which complaints to husband about not giving time money instead engage urself in positive things atleast be respectful in ur own eyes. Leave others as they will always hav a say irrespective of ur stayus as housewife or working women
     
  3. ILUser07

    ILUser07 Silver IL'ite

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    While reading each of the comments you mentioned, i felt a pinch in my heart. I don't know what to say. It is upto the opposite persons understanding how they perceive a home maker. If they think you relax whole day, i dont think anything will change their perception. I am a working woman but came across these comments when I took break after having baby. Though I worked for 8 years before taking break, I was judged constantly. Now I joined work again and conceived. I know I have to take break again. This time, I asked my Dh that I want to clear my home loan before going on break as I dont want to ask him every month while he taunts me as I am depending on him(I dont have any savings to myself). I am hoping this will limit financial dependency during my break.
    I have also seen my lady colleagues who complain that some husbands help their stay at home wifes so much in kitchen. They say its unfair as they sit in home all day. I felt bad but their thinking is result of their upbringing. You cant change it now whatever you do or say.
     
  4. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I wish I knew. i was a house wife for sometime. Many made bad remarks . I even tried telling them that I was working from home. Even then all looked down. I am working now but its very difficult as my field has less opportunity. All are admiring me now. My husband has to travel a lot and we don't have a stable life. I don't have the guts to stay alone for a week in a foreign country. I wish to stay with my parents when my husband leaves.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    My salary was low when I was working, I got all judgemental remarks when my husband helps me or when I am not well , and now I am not working , again judgemental remarks . In family get to gathers ladies(my friends n relatives) will talk about shopping stuffs, but they won't include me in the talk or even show photos of places or functions they went (perception that I can't afford). I used to feel sad before and think for myself that one day will come for me also. Now is have changed a little . I don't mind what they think of me. I feel what people think of us is not our problem but their problem. So let us be happy now. Its ok op, lets wait for our day.
     
  6. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Even I have gone through this. Its sad actually , we have to look after home and work for some respect. We do double work.
     
  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    @Needtobestrong sorry you are going through this. My mom was a SAHM and I would say as a kid I think having my mom at home was the best thing. I loved hanging out with my mom all the time. Maybe your kids will appreciate your effort when they grow up . But one thing I remember about my mom was she worked all the time. I have never seen her resting even for a minute. I think as SAHM mom you need to define your responsibilities based on how your spouse will value you. If your husband doesn't help maybe you should accept it and plan your day without his help. You need to come up with 3 things that is important to you and focus on that and make sure you are successful in achieving that. Since there is so much to do around the house it is easy to get lost in time or focus on things which may not be necessary. Unfortunately cooking and house hold chores is responsibility that comes when a female partner decides to stay home. Some people are lucky. But we should look at the brighter side.
     
  8. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    Feel proud that you have the choice to stay at home.Never feel bad about not working outside the house. Homemaker's work is never easy. Inspite of working24/7 at home, work will still be incomplete. Ignore such comments and move on. End of the day its personal choice to work or not work.
     
  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, take some hobbies , go for walking, learn painting (if u r interested), , take kid to play area. Go with ur husband to shops and malls in weekend. Enjoy ur time and life. If u r planning to resume ur career, prepare for that.
     
    Thyagarajan and Needtobestrong like this.
  10. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    I can answer your question since I have faced the same when am Home Maker from other lady who used to live in same apartment complex .. this lady used to work and am a home maker not by my fate but it’s my choice to be at home until my kid turned 3 .. her hubby used to be good person whenever we face each other families out side he used to talk with my hubby n give smile but wife put a face when I told her am a house wife n she never smiled even after facing several times .. I don’t know why she had that attitude but I ignored her completely n dint even bothered they exist .. world is too big for me there r lot of other neighbors who will acknowledge even though we are not from same country ..

    Then I joined the job nothing changed in my life my best friends are house wives as usual .. I will be available for them when needed n they understand my changed busy schedule .. it’s a mutual understanding between us ..

    And I know my college friend who got the job after me .. she asked me to help in getting job I forwarded her resume in my company but nothing happened .. she got job in done other place I was happy for her until then she shared all her info problems with me when I asked which company you are working no answer from her from then she even stopped interacting ..

    So if someone ignores you due to superiority complex they have you too ignore them n pity them for the syndrome they have we can’t change them .. you are no less than them just Because you are a house wife .. they are no greater just because they are working ..
     

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